Do I suffer from a phobia?

[Shimakora]

Hello.

I have had problems with anxiety related symptoms for many years. It all started when I was 12 and I got very down because I have some small scars in my forehead. I was very curious as a child and thus had some accidents

I developed chronic tension headaches quite fast since the day that I became anxious about the scars. I also started to constantly hide my scars with my hair, and even did it when I was alone. I often wore hats and such...

The doctors says that I suffer from general anxiety, when they look at my symptoms. I have never told them that I find it impossible for me to not hide my scars in social situations. I just feel so low when I think about how others may judge me because of this, even if I know that people arent so bad as that.

So now im here after years of seeking for other answers to my symptoms. For a long time I havent even questioned if it is this fear that is causing my problems, as if I've subconciously just accepted that I will have to hide the scars for the rest of my life.

It is as if my mind just dont want to relax as long as I dont accept myself.

Has anyone had any similiar problems? Is my only way out of this by facing my fear? I'm so exhausted after all these years and dont think I can supress my fears any longer... I'm losing control of my life and can barely keep a job thanks to my exhausted mind and symptoms. I've been focusing to not hide my scars when Im alone for some days now and I can feel a difference. But even going to the supermarket without hiding my scars feels like a challenge. I know that nothing terrible will happen, but I am afraid of feeling unworthy.

I have never had any relationship. I did meet someone in my teens for a couple of weeks, but I became like a rock, my body tensed up so bad. I couldnt even think. I just kept thinking what the girl might think about me if she saw my scars.

Should I seek some kind of exposure therapy? I havent consulted a plastic surgeon, I might do it in the future, but I think it's not the right thing to do at the moment. I just want to be myself and not have any problems.

[Shimakora]

Thanks le. I cant recall being anxious prior the day I started to worry about this, so it is probably the reason for my problems. It is strange how some small scars can end up in tons of suffering. I will work on this from now on. I guess it is never to late for your mind and heart to heal. My life is quite a mess too, but I think I can handle it. I feel, however, a strange sense of freedom and relaxation, knowing that I am not going to supress myself any longer, even if I also feel unpleasantly unmasked.

[ziggy]

Reading your post has actually brought back memories of when I was younger...

I have quite a few scars and used to HATE them... As a girl, I thought they made me look rough, grubby and boyish, and that I could never even close to compare to the other "perfect" girls out there as i was 'tainted' (even though some of the 'perfect' girls had scars - theirs weren't as bad as mine in my mind!)... At some point though, I accepted my scars and actually managed to embrace their uniqueness and the fact that they were living proof that I clearly had an active (albeit clumsy!) childhood.

Our scars are a part of who we are and define what it is to be us... plus every single one of them tells a different story of how we came to be who we are today... It is very freeing to accept ourselves as we are, and be able to say "this is me" without worrying about what judgement is passed on us. And you know what? You'll probably find that some girl is going to love those scars because they are what makes you You. =)

[Vixxy]

You can try exposure without going into therapy. It works the same as with other phobias.
Make a list of everything you dread doing. Then rate how hard they would be.
Start at the easier end of your list and plan to attempt the idea. You need to write down how you felt before, how you thought you would feel and then how you actually felt.
Keep on doing the same thing until it feels normal and then move onto the next one.