Is this recovery? DARE I hope?

[Gordon64]

Hi Yvonne

Possibly they are-particularly my eldest who is 12, I maybe don't give them enough credit for their maturity sometimes. It is certainly something I will think about-I think on balance a happier father in a job he enjoys rather than one slogging it out in a job he gets little or no satisfaction from IS preferable and would lead to a more relaxing environment for the 3 of us.

It ain't easy being a divorced dad and trying to get it all right-but this may be the biggest decision of all and IF I decide to do something I would definitely include them in that decision and take on board their input.

Gordon

[suzannacorfu]

Gordon if it's any consolation at all I changed careers at 48. From hotel management to Healthcare recruitment. I was a complete beginner at this. Small fish in a big pond after being a big fish in a little pond. I did this while in the midst of Panic Attacks and aftermath of depression AND agoraphobic. I moved towns at the same time. Completely alone. I had to fly to London from Greece for an interview (I hadn't been interviewed in 20 years!!!) and I hadn't flown in 12 years! Did all that. Made a great success of new career which I LOVE and now have my own business which is doing well. And yes I still put off going to the supermarket... What can I say? A trembling wreck at the checkout IF I manage to stay in the line!
The point is: GO FOR IT
Everyone around you will benefit from a more balanced, "happier" Gordon. A richer Gordon does no-one any good. least of all you.
That doesn't mean you have to do it all tomorrow. I think you may find that solidifying the plan, planning your moves and then taking the steps will help you overcome a lot of pain. Just get an image of yourself where you would like to be and work towards it. Opportunities will come along once you solidify the image and the steps will become simple. I had the image of me working from home. Had NO IDEA what I could do. Just kept visualizing the image and within 18 months I had done it.
Suz

[YvonneBelle]

Hi Suz,

I like your idea of imagining yourself doing something.

I keep having an image of myself working in the upper part of a barn conversion somewhere in rural UK using a PC at my leisure writing and/or designing something.

Outside there are chickens, horses... people and maybe some kiddies running around but I'm not stressed. It's just my space and I can come and go as I please - outside or in.

It's great to visualise!!

Congrats with your career change - wow. Gives me hope!

Good luck Gordon, these things start with a seed and then grow...

[suzannacorfu]

Yvonne everything starts with an image! Yours is the same as mine but my house was in France! I'm still in Greece but France is still there in my mind and I'm working towards it!
It is unbelievable how many opportunities pass in front of us every day but we don't see them or they appear to be "out of context" when we don't have an image!
Keep yours strong, picture it every day. I am no "new-age" happy Polyanna I assure you! I wouldn't even say I am an optimist! I do however believe in the power of images (please note I didn't say willpower as I have none!!!lol). I think that our minds open when we have a goal to work towards and we see opportunities and even threats better. We also feel more "in control" when we are working towards our image.
Listen, if I can do it then you can too! I'm here for you if you want to bounce any ideas off me!
Suz

[Gordon64]

Yvonne/Suz

Firstly Yvonne due to my incompetence in all things computers I do not have your ESFJ career options file that I know you tried to send me-perhaps a brief outline of what it said would be useful-or even if you can pop it in as a link in a response thread as you did the quiz-I would be VERY interested to see what it says-although perhaps a career in IT is out if I can't even open a simple file!!

Anyways, incompetence on computers aside, I found both your posts interesting. Suz-I admire you for being able to launch into a new career whilst in the throes of depression/anxiety. My problem is geographical as I do not wish to have to move far from the children (one of the few plus points of the job I have is that I live and work in the same town as my kids-that is VERY important to me. Also I haven't been to an interview since I got my present job 28 years ago!! So a pretty daunting prospect!!

I do agree that to "jump in" head first would be foolish-but you are right no harm in seeking out the info/advice I require to move forward.

As for an image or visualisation it's all a bit vague at the moment-working from home does appeal, all I have at the moment other than that is perhaps something in the "caring" services or a job which makes use of any talents I have with the written word. But I'll work on making that image a bit clearer!! Certainly NOT the finance industry again...

Suz your story certainly provides me with hope and inspiration as it did for Yvonne-am going away to have a wee (not too deep it's been a hard day) think about my next move.

Thanks again

Gordon

[suzannacorfu]

Gordon, the thing with your image is that it's YOUR image! Your Best-Case-Scenario! So let your imagination run riot, don't hinder it with thoughts of interviews, "what could I do's" etc.
Just go for the full-on-in-your-face BEST scenario for you and you'll be amazed at what will come along I promise you! I was there where you are now and I had absolutely NO idea what I could do. But I just kept the image. Not because I am a New Age, positive thinking weirdo! Just because at that time that image was the ONLY thing that didn't make me feel like total crap!
I was laughing inside all through the interview thinking "Yeah right, I KNOW what the next question is so bring it on!" (at the same time I was also trying to not faint/have heart attack since I was in a hotel lounge in London and totally agoraphobic! When I left I had to sit in the hotel loo for 25 minutes to bring myself down!!).
Suz

[Gordon64]

Hi Suz

I take your point-just difficult for somebody like me who is naturally quite restrained in my approach to let my imagination run riot-but I will give it a go. If I am to have a better, brighter future then I have to break free of the limitations that have been imposed upon me by others (and also of course imposed upon me by myself). My old self?

Still feeling strong overall (with the inevitable brief periods of doubt and anxiety thrown in of course) but then changing the habits of a lifetime isn't easy.

Thanks again

Gordon

[suzannacorfu]

Hey don't think that I have all the answers!! I'm just muddlin' through as best I can mate!! LOL. You find me the way to go to the supermarket without turning into a pile of jelly and I'll help you with the images!
Go for it Gordon. The only limits in this are those that you put on yourself.
Suz

[NickT]

Well, this thread just gets better and better ! Haven't joined in for a few days as I wanted to reflect upon some of what was been said. Gordon\Yvonne- thank you so much for your replies. You've helped me to face up to the fact that I reacted so dramatically to feeling anxious\depressed last Autumn because I wasn't willing to accept how I was feeling.....

Perhaps deep down you want to break the whole dam even though you know it might be mega.

Absolutely Yvonne, you're right. I think I did throw my toys out of the pram last Autumn. Looking back, I think it took me aback that I felt as nervous\scared about starting a new job as I did. So, rather than choosing to sit with the feelings and let them pass, I choose to panic which in turn spiralled into depression......

My belief is that when things appear to keep going wrong or are extremely difficult, it could be a sign that you are on the wrong path.

Again, spot on advice Yvonne (you should think of getting them copyrighted !) although the wrong path could be either literal (e.g. job, career, lifestyle) or more metaphorical. In my case, I think its the latter- whenever panic\anxiety appears, I start to run down that path like the clappers throwing toys everywhere.....! So, the big lesson for me is to accept and tolerate feeling anxious, rather than hitting the nuclear button straight away.

Gordon- I'm absoutely sure you'd make a success of an alternative career like counselling or therapy. Seems to me you've got two valuable (and increasingy rare) commodities in spades- empathy and common sense- which would stand you in good stead for whatever you choose to do. And without wishing to be too unsubtle, it strikes me that you're thinking in terms of a career change for the right reasons rather than it simply been a knee-jerk reaction to finding life tough.

Suze- totally agree with you about the power of the imagination- you've inspired me to start thinking about how I want things to be....

And finally: am beginning to think about returning to work, but am struggling with the embarassment factor- I've been off three times since I took this promotion last Autumn, so I've hardly covered myself in clover...Quite frankly, I'm dreading the pre-return chat with my manager, and the looks on peoples faces when I return. Any advice gratefully received.....

Cheers

Nick

[Gordon64]

Suz, Nick

Thanks for the replies

Nick I appreciate your kind comments-certainly IF I do change careers at this point it is no knee-jerk reaction-I've given 28 years of my life to the finance industry so have definitely "given it a go". I am increasingly disillusioned though, just wish I had your confidence that I can make a success of whatever I decide to do next.

You make an interesting point though- empathy and common sense are sadly lacking in my current job-superficiality rules the roost and the lack of "characters" (I mean that word in a positive way) in the job now as opposed to the brainwashed automatons is something I find I'm struggling with.

Nick, I cannot fully understand your own job situation but I CAN relate to it. I have been off since October last year (one failed attempt at a "comeback" in Feb which lasted 4 weeks)-currently I have been back a month and feel this time I can keep myself there. I also have (as mentioned in other threads) a long history of this with the absences that entails so have been feeling like I am in last chance saloon for some time.

So I know where you find yourself just now. Take it from an old hand -DO NOT BE EMBARASSED-YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO NEED TO BE. You do not owe these people anything-you have gone through a helluva time and going back demonstrates a real strength on your part-you may also find people more "forgiving" and sympathetic than you might imagine.

But you'll never know unless you face it-THAT ISN'T MEANT HARSHLY BELIEVE ME-but having been off myself for months it was SO difficult to get back in. And yes there is no avoiding the chat with the manager, I know I found mine very difficult and unless you are VERY fortunate it is unlikely he/she will FULLY understand your problems.

I guess it is that old chestnut "Fight or Flight"-as somebody who took the "flight path" frequently I know how hard it can be to have the inner strength to say "*** it-I'm facing up to this" but if I can do it so can you. Try not to go into the meeting with your manager feeling "inferior" or prejudged-yes he (or she) is your superior (in working life at least) but just a human being at the end of the day. One thing I have definitely managed to do of late is lose some of my fear of authority-if I am satisfied that I am doing my best AND for the right reasons then that is good enough for me now.

But what you do HAS to be your choice-I can willingly give advice and empathise but only you know what you have been through and how best to deal with that. As for being too quick to push the nuclear button, well mate you're talking to a world leader on that one!!

It is difficult for you, but a wee period of reflection, trying to discard the emotional baggage from your mind is what you need.

I hope you make the right decisions for yourself and your family and if you ever need to talk or just get things off your chest don't hesitate to drop me a line on the NMP site.

All the best to you-you are stronger than you think.

Gordon