thinking of disappearing

[cheeky monkey]

Hi
At the min with all that is happening i am not thinking right. while at work in the arcade yesterday a punter who i know fairly well came up with the idea of disappearing for a time, she said this would help me get back with my family? As at the min they know where i am but she said if i went off they would contact me to see if i was ok.
This seems a good idea not so much to get my family back but maybe this way all my problems will go away and i wont feel so tired and down anymore. I no its being selfish but with each passing day something always happens and theres only so much i can take before jumping over the edge. even in todays paper there was a double page of ppl who have recently took there life cos of debt and most of these are far less than our debt. soz just been thinking about it all day. How long can i carry on fighting dont know. i should be lucky and happy cos i got one person who cares what happens to me, but thinking about it that just shows what a bad person i must be cos none of my family care enough to even answer my letter, that hurts so much. ive tried to not let it get to me but now it hurts more, we have had a close friends brother die few days ago he was young child, isnt life cruel that lovely little boy has been taken from a family who loves him and are gona miss him the funerals next week that church is gona be packed, its wrong there is no god other wise he would take me who has only one person who cares and cant get out of the pain and trouble im in. sorry just feel like hell at the moment dont think there can be anything else to happen.
OH well will crawl into corner tonite sorry to burden you all.
take care
hugs to you all
from a loser, waste of space, burden e.t.c
soz xxx:(

[jackie]

problems follow you, if you need a break then do so but no running away it will not work.
also there is not only one person who cares we all do. sometimes families are not what we expect a family to be, if this is your family then walk away. try not to be hurt that they seem not to care, this is your life , no regrets just stick with the one who loves you, we only need one person to truly love that will get you through.

oh and please say there is a god someone, im really banking on it. things happen cheeky monkey, god is not responsible for evwerything that goes wrong just hope that he is in a nice place that will take care of him.

i hope that is the case. have five kids so cant imagine living without one of them, pain must be unbearable for you all esp his family. just be there for them . no running away it will solve nothing, live to fight another day however hard you are not alone

hope it was ok to write all this as i dont want to offend
jackie

[Karen]

Hi Susie

Sorry you are feeling so low at the moment. Although it can appear tempting to disappear and hope that the problems disappear with us, unfortunately it doesn't really work like that and the problems would still be with you.

I can understand how upset you feel at receiving no response from your family, as I've had to deal with my mum's rejection of me since I was a young child, and more recently I have lost contact with the rest of my family after refusing to put up with my dad's manipulation of me any longer.

Even though I wish I could tell you that your family would come running if you disappeared, I wouldn't be doing you any favours by speculating on their response. I have often thought in the past that my mum would change one day or that I could do something to make her love me, but now I know that will never happen. I can't comment on the situation between you and your family, but one thing I have learnt is that love and acceptance needs to come from within us. At the end of the day you do not have to accept your family's treatment of you. Nor do you need to keep punishing yourself or putting yourself down like this.

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">its wrong there is no god other wise he would take me who has only one person who cares and cant get out of the pain and trouble im in.<div align="right">Originally posted by cheeky monkey - 16 February 2006 : 18:58:40</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

I have felt like this too. At the end of last year my best friend's dad died suddenly and I thought it should have been me who died because no one would miss me and I felt so bad about myself I thought I deserved to die. I also thought it was cruel to take someone who was loved by his family and who had everything to live for when I have been ruining my life with my anorexic behaviours. However, now I realise that my death would not have prevented my friend's dad from dying. I still am trying to deal with feelings of worthlessness about myself but I also realise that this is an illness and I have plenty of people here who do care about me. The same is true for you. You deserve to give yourself the chance to recover and to feel well again. It is a long road but it is one you can travel along.

Have you tried to get some help and advice regarding the debt? I know the Citizens Advice Bureau has been suggested to you in the past and they can help.

Keep hanging on in there. You do have people who care what happens to you.

Karen

[Keitharcher]

Hi

Sorry to hear of your beavrment and it may sound cruel to say but it does happen. As for the god thing that is up to you personally, however, do keep some things to believe even if its only yourself. Dont run away, that will create more problems than it solves, if your family dont want to contact you at the moment they certaintly will not if you disapear and they will probably label you as an attention seeker. I recommend that you stick with the positives you have and build on them. Its allright to grieve, go to the funeral its a good way of expressing your feelings of loss without any percieved form of shame. Focus on the positives in your life, build on them and come out the other end a stronger person. I hope things turn around for you soon

Keith

[cheeky monkey]

Hi
thanks guys. Yes we have had advice for the money problems just means i will now be working for the rest of my life to pay them off. Steve blames me for most of the problems which is not helping. I am there for my friend and her family its so cruel as he was so young. Thats why i so much want to put things right with my family mainly my sister pippa, as i still find it so hard thinking that her last words to me was to kill myself with things not so good i just want to make up so if things got worse at least i can say i tried to say sorry to them, all i want to know is im not hated is that too much to ask? Everyone deserves a second chance in life. unless they are really bad. The idea for disappearing is not for attention mainly so i can decide on matters steve use to say if you want to go then go. this house is more important to him than me. so wont be missed
so if you dont hear from me you no ive gone
thanks again
susie (hurting so bad)

[jackie]

susie, so sorry its git this bad. do you love your husband? if you love eachother surely that is worth fighting for
i really am thinking of you
jackie

[leo05]

hi babe i know you are hurtin at the mo and i am here to help you and as you know i am never going to leave you and you know my veiws on the dissappearin subject and you are most deffinatly worth it and i dont want you to stop fightin it as i think that you are doing really well and i hope to help you get better everyday i will also go with you to the funneral or after he had been buried if you want to just tell me ok

luv lea

ps - jackie - i dont think it is a matter of wether she loves him or not the fact been how he acts and treats her i have saw it first hand and it not nice .

[Karen]

Hi Susie

No it is not too much to want a second chance or to know that your family loves you. However, there comes a point when pursuing this merely means you keep being hurt and it is more helpful for your wellbeing to find a way to make peace with it and move on.

I appreciate it is not at all easy and I am still trying to come to terms with my own situation with my family. I also know that if I don't come to terms with it and face the painful memories from my childhood I will never be able to move on from where I am now.

No one here can tell you what to do and nor should we try, but you can know that people care and are willing to offer support should you choose to stick around.



Karen



Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.

[Tomimo]

I know how temptin git can be to run away and leave it all behind but you can't run away from your problems, unfortunately.

Taking a break can make a big difference though - a change of scenery and a chance to view things from another perspective. Can you go and stay with a friend or relative for a few days to clear your head?

Annie x

[darkangel]

Hi cheeky monkey

I have read your post and I just want you to know that I am thinking of you. I am in no position to give you advice but try and hang in there and hopefully you will find the light at the end of the tunnel. We all have dark times when we think there is no way out but know that we are with you. I am going through another rough time but by coming onto this site and realising that I am not alone does help.

Take care


Darkangel





........life is for living not just for surviving