ITS ALWAYS AFTRWARDS

[Laurie28]

i seem to cope with stressful situations ok!

It's afterwards when everything calms down I have a panic/bad anxiety.

I think that's why everyone thinks i am so easy going/unstressed because I can (seem) to cope with everything at the time. it seems to be later (maybe weeks or months) that I crack for no apparent reason and I seem to 'crack' big style.

There is alot going on in my life at the moment and I feel fine, not stressed but i'm scared when everything settles down again I might flip or have some sort of breakdown.

Does that make sense to anyone?

Does anyone else feel like that?

Lucky

[kate]

Hiya Lucky,

I feel exactly the same as you.

I dealt really well with stress over the last week but today I have woken up SO panicky and yet, I have nothing concrete to be worrying about!

Perhaps it's because when we have to cope with a stressful situation, we do. But when this has passed, the adrenalin is still rushing around but with nowhere to go!

Who know's eh? Just another strange "panic" symptom!!!

Take care

Kate x

[red]

Hi Lucky
Yes, I have often thought that being busy is the 'distraction' I need to keep me from panicking and when I stop work, and therefore reduce my stress, I seem to go into anxiety mode. It's as if I am not aware of my bodily functions when I am busy but then acutely aware when I stop.

I don't like stopping! It's hard though because to try and chill out infront of the TV or read is sometimes impossible and then I have to go and do the ironing or something! (My house is spotless!)

I find that exercise really helps, at any time of the day. I can relax a lot better when I have been for a walk or swim etc.

Cheers - and good luck!

Red
x

[Laurie28]

Hiya Guys,

I agree. When I am coping with stressful situations I suppose i have to get on with it! Afterwards (after a build up of time) I mentally collapse. I think I would prefer to feel stressed out and unable to cope at the time (i do sometimes don't get me wrong but not often), instead of waiting for the inevitable to happen!!!

I think I am scared that I get soo stressed after the events that I really take a breakdown and everyone will wonder what the hell happened cause i seem to cope so well at the time!!

I know i have not explained this very well at all, but I hope u can understand some of it!!

Lucky

[jonny]

You are not alone lucky, i seem to cope quite well in the heat of the moment and suffer later.
I got myself through a job interview last week no problem but now i am wondering what i have done. even though i know i would love the job i am convinced it will not work out for the best and it has set my anxiety off badly. The only way out was to cancel my second interview and now i feel some relief even though i know i have missed an excellent oppotunity.
I don't suppose us suffers like change much eh?

Jon

I used to be extremely indecisive but now I am not so sure...

[Lottie32]

Hi Lucky

I am exactly the same. For a whole year after my dad died, I was the lynch pin to my family, from sorting out his funeral, to looking after my gran who had a stress related stroke. I visited her every morning, most lunchtimes and every tea time in the week, and Saturday and Sunday. I held down a full time job, a part time job, and still found the time to compete my horse. I also had to stop my mum from going completely mad (and preventing her carrying out some pretty stupid changes to the house).

Not once in that first year did I quiver, quake or shake. I was strong, coping (and very tired and thin). Then all of a sudden, my mum got her head together, my gran got better and could do her own shopping/cleaning etc.

Almost immediately I'd gone from not having a spare nano second to having free time. And I crumpled. Big time.

I've often wondered if I would be better just to live a permanently stressful life - so I've not got time to think about being worried or anxious or stressed!



Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

[Meg]

If you lead a very stressful life eventually your adrenals temporarily give out and you end up back here !

I'm constantly amazed at how many people are struggling . When I was really acute one of my friends asked me to explain and help her understand .
After listening to it she said. : Oh how awful for you, I would never of expected it of you. You're like me, a true coper and always so extremely positive. Thank Goodness I know that's not something I'll ever have to experience .. '

I remember it still and it made me feel that I'd failed her , myself, my colleagues etc..

Last week she called me to ask if she could spend Saturday with me as she's so scared to be home alone and is having small panics and on betablockers. We had a lovely day on Saturday and I did lots of explaining , tips passing on , reassurance etc and am ringing her daily. It just demonstrates everyone is vunerable given a set of circumstances.

As for the 'after the event' things I have my personal theory which is contrary to the learned schools of thought .
I believe that whilst the mind is busy with xyz, we get on with it but as soon as spare capacity appears in your mind then you latch onto something - usually negative and scary and keep it like a dog with a bone as the mind hates to be empty when it's been so used to being busy and is so solution orientated and used to working things out over time.

We have to train it over time to enjoy not being at 120% and use the spare capacity productively and happily.


Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[Lottie32]

Meg

That may be your personal theory, but I think based on my personal experiences you are 100% CORRECT.

Everytime my life gets a bit easier, I get a bit worse! And I too, have reached the conclusion that it is because I suddenly have time to "think", and my mind/body can't cope with doing "nothing".

I have never been a doer of nothing. I get fidgety and restless if forced to sit still. And my mind goes into overdrive.

I firmly believe that the issues are already present - it's just that being hectic stops you thinking about them - and being quite allow the mind to focus on whats troubling you. The trick is to try and face them when they do appear, tackle them, and put them to bed, so that the next time you have some "free head time" you've got one less thing to dwell on.


Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

[Meg]

I agree Charlie, if you've got pre existing issues then that's where you will drift back to but if you really don't, then your ever obliging mind will come up with something anyway.

Most of us anxious people have a high interlect level and need plenty of stimulus and when there's a vacumn it will fill itself .

Its really so beneficial to come up with a long project - like constructing a book in your head that you can use as your drifting back to problem - to fine details , whos who, whos wearing what etc and then when in a shopping queue , or traffic jam etc thats what will instinctively come to mind after some practice. I think that helped me more than anything .

Something creative and predominately right brained is preferable - thats why Jonny Wilkinson has taken up the guitar !

Alternatively , meditation teaches you to be calm and clear your mind at the same time.



Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[kate]

Charlie and Meg,

Wow, you are both so spot on!!

I agree wholeheartedly with what you both say.

Now, just need to find some nice thoughts to fill the vaccuum......

Kate x