Toilet phobia

[aocaoc]

Hi everyone, I just wrote a huge post and accidentally deleted it! So now I will write it again, but I will be shorter.

I have this phobia too, and I just wanted to chime in. It is really nice to see that I am not alone. Then again it is frustrating to see that not many of us have found a cure or good coping mechanisms.

I am now 30 years old and I remember my first time suffering from this phobia when I was about 16-17 years old. I started at a new school, and took the bus every morning and every afternoon for 25 minutes. I would obsess about going to the toilet preemptively before each busride. I would also sometimes put paper tissues in my pants.

Then came a period from between maybe 20 and 25 where I was able to supress this phobia. I often try to think back on this period to find out what I did differently then, and to try to do that again. This is why I still have hope that I can change the situation again.

During this good period I went travelling. I did all the things that I now fear the most. I went on many journeys to rural areas in mountains and jungles with absolutely minimum access to toilets. To get there I would often ride in the back of huge trucks, crammed together with indegenous people, their food and luggage and even their animals. These trucks where always filled to the maximum and would go on for 10-12 hours. And you couldn't really tell the driver you wanted to take a break or get off. That would make everyone late and annoyed and you couldn't just wait for the next car - often there was only one each day! Anyway, during this period in my life and during the travels I was somehow able to control the phobia. I will mention a few different thoughts I have found out as to how I did it.

1. I was happy! Many of you talked about the vicious circle, where phobia and anxiety leads to sadness and depression which again leads to worsened phobia symptoms and so on. I think that this goes the other way too. If you are happy and you do stuff that make you happy, you will have an easier time coping. Do stuff that makes you happy, - and it doesn't have to be away from your comfort zone - read good books etc. And do exercise or sports. This. This scientifically helps because of the release of endorfines in the brain or whatever. It totally worked/works for me.

2. I remember that when I travelled I thought to myself early on: "These are special circumstances, you can't get to a toilet whenever you want to. So, normal people shit once a day, this you should do too. Do it in the morning. And whenever you feel an urge during the day, it will be false alarm, and you shouldn't worry about it." For some reason this worked for me. I sometimes try to use it still, and sometimes it works for me.

3. Another thing that works for me is this simple thought: "At least I'm not going to die." It is a way of putting you worst fear in to perspective. "Ok, maybe I shit my pants, so what? I will survive and that's the important thing." My worst case scenario is something like the metro stops suddenly, not at a station. I get nervous and panic, and my bowels start to move and soon I get the need to take a shit. I can't get off the train, it doesn't move, I can't hold it in and I shit my pants, every can see, and everyone can smell it. Total humiliation. Maybe I am even together with friends or people I know, which will make it even worse. This is my biggest fear. But what would really happen? Maybe, just maybe I would actually shit my pants, but people wouldn't think that much of it. They would probably just think I had some kind of handicap or that I was wasted on drugs or alcohol or that I just had some really bad food and got sudden diarhea. They would think poor guy and then they would forget about again, and they would worry about their own problems! Everyone has worries and problems, it's not just you.

Anyway I want to end the post here, and just encourage everyone to reply and let's revive this thread and share not just worries and problems but also helpful tips, coping tricks, small victories, advise for each other.

Take care!

[kldunphy]

I have a fear of toilets as well but its not because of the dirt that may be in them or a fear of going to the washroom...I simply have a fear of toilets (while or black) that are either dirty, a crack in the flush box (or the lid is off the back), if the toilet over flows, or if its in the water, if its on a boat, or plane, especially if its an outhouse. I am ok with toilets that are in a house or cabin, that is normally planked to the floor, cleaned and no crack anywhere, and all the parts are on it...I have no idea why, I even have nightmare about them. Is there a name for this?

[Lifeistooshort]

Big thanks to you all for posting your phobias, which I too suffer from for many years. I'm really sick and tired of scanning every new place I go to for a toilet, of somehow miraculously getting the urge to need the loo RIGHT THIS MINUTE every time I don't have access to it, and low and behold, not needing it as soon as I find it! My absolute worst fear is getting stuck on a metro in between stations, which has happened before and the only thought that goes through my mind is "oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god!!!!!". I've never had an accident but once had to rush out of my friend's car and hide behind some bushes after having an ice cream. The cold temp of the ice cream made me lose control. Needless to say I have never had ice cream in a place where I'm not absolutely positive there is access to a toilet. I'm very upset that that has happened to me because up until then my remedy was to ask myself "have you ever lost control of your bowels? No, so what are you afraid of?".

The first person I've shared my fear with is my best friend. She has actually been much more helpful to me than my doctor who simply stated "it seems you have IBS. Basically, it's all in your head. You need to learn to relax and not stress out". The first thing my friend told me which was very helpful to me is "There is always access to a toilet. Always! Even if you think there isn't, there is always a way for you to get to the toilet". This thought has helped me many times and even though I carefully organize what my action plan is should my stomach turn against me when I'm about to go on a trip or use public transport, this helps because it's made me realize that yeah, i'm sorry, if I do need to go, nothing will get in my way. This is much easier achieved if I am on my own rather than in the company of others that do not know my condition. It is such an embarrassing fear that i obviously don't go around sharing it with everyone. I admire people who can just hop on a coach with no toilet in it and embark on a 3 hour bus ride, whilst drinking liquids and eating all sorts of crap, without even batting an eyelid about it. How the hell do they do it? What makes it worse for me is that I don't think my fear is irrational. I use the bathroom A LOT and it's rarely a "normal" nature call. If I'm in a public restroom, or anywhere where people might hear me I use lots and lots and lots of toilet paper and do my business whilst holding the toilet paper on me (so sorry for being so graphic!). It drowns out the noises but it's not very comfortable.

The most helpful advise I can share based on my experience and hope that some of you might also find these tactics/thoughts helpful are:

- Accepting my issue but NOT letting it control me. I refuse to allow this bull***t to dictate what I do in my life. Sure, I don't always succeed in this battle, I've rejected many long distance travels or expeditions that would have given me a once-in-a-lifetime experience but I know my limits and although I try to push past them, there are just some things I accept I can't do.

- I think to myself quite often "Life is too short, just enjoy it!". It puts things in perspective for me, do I want to live my life in fear or in pride? How do I want to live? You are stronger than you give yourself credit for and the human body is designed to be able to control one's bowels. I try to never forget this. If I need the toilet when I don't have access to it, which happens EVERY time I don't have access to the toilet, I think to myself "ok, I need the toilet right now but my body is able to keep it in for much longer than I think, my body is my ally, not my enemy". I then calculate how much time I have until I reach the loo and say "that's ok, I can hold it, no problem". These thoughts started off as lies, I didn't think I would be able to hold it at all, the panic attacks were insufferable but over time and repetition I've found that these thoughts have often helped me relax. And of course, once I've relaxed, I no longer need to go. Because I've done this so many times (because I've deliberately put myself in situations which I knew would be difficult for me) I've proved to myself that indeed, I can hold it, and indeed, I am much stronger than I give myself credit for.

- I've understood that admitting that i need the toilet desperately is nothing to be embarrassed about. I realized this because I've noticed how many times people without toilet phobia have said "oh my god I need a bathroom!" and no one has ever thought "can't you hold it in?". No one expects you to hold it in, and people without toilet phobia aren't embarrassed to admit they need the loo, so why should I?

Basically I believe, in my case anyway, it all comes down to confidence, which is what I'm trying to work on at the moment. I believe if you are confident in yourself and say "yeah so what, I have diarrhea and need the toilet more often than everyone else" and if you congratulate yourself for tasks that are monumental for you even though they are so insignificant to others, such as saying yes to situations that scare you, then you equip yourself with confidence and belief in yourself, which is a great tool to overcome your fears, imho.

They say the gut is our "second brain" as it is connected with the second most nerve endings in our body but always remember that your brain is YOUR NUMBER ONE power source and ONLY YOU have control over it.

I'm hoping this post sends a positive message to you all. I have been a sufferer of toilet phobia since my early twenties (I am now 30) and every day is a battle for me but I will never give up on myself and my biggest dream, which is to live life normally and free of anxiety. I'm slowly learning to laugh at myself, laugh at my fear even, and trying to always remind myself that I am in control, I am my own boss, and so I better snap out of it before I wake up old and realize I've wasted so many years scared of some crap, literally, that might or might not happen. Life is too short for that.

[ricardo]

I find it very sad how toilet issues of varying kinds effect people to such a degree.

Doctors are often very quick to diagnose IBS which isn't always the case.

My problem is quite different.I have a subconscious fear of being constipated and have been like this all my adult life.It most probably began with my parents saying that one must go regularly every morning.
Anyway I finally went through a bout of constipation and had an enema and my doctor told me to take a bulk agent powder every morning.

The fear has never really gone away but about 15 years ago I discovered Metamucil which is a bulk forming agent ,promotes digestive health,lowers cholestral (as it did with me)and promotes heart health.Unfortunately it is not sold here in the UK anymore but is available on Amazon.It costs about £32.00 for two huge jars which should last at least three months.The active ingredient is psyllium husk however the more anxious one becomes that can lead to more stress and that affects the whole digestive systom.

This maybe beneficial to some of you.I know many will say that long term us of a bulk forming agent is not the answer but it works for me.Now i have to deal with the weeing issue.

[jaquiscorpio]

I too have this problem and suffering badly today it makes me want to cry at the fear of having an accident I am 31 have 3 children and have had anxiety problems since I was 15

[ek88]

I'm so happy I've found this, I genuinely thought I was the only one! For years I've had a(n irrational) fear of wetting myself in public. It generally seems to be worse in times of stress, which I suppose makes sense - it's so frustrating that the fear response itself matches what you're actually scared of!

I've had it since my early teens (I'm 26), but it's only now that I've actually pinpointed the phobia. I've been round and round in circles, I think there's been quite a lot of denial involved. I've put it down to being scared of public transport, queues, lifts, being trapped, middle seats on a plane etc etc, but it all boils down to the public humiliation thing. Seems so obvious when I'm writing it now!

It's become particularly bad recently after a few years of being a lot better. I actually went traveling last year and did ok with only a couple of relatively mild panic attacks (which did leave me in the middle of Cambodia on my own because I couldn't get on the bus, but in just over two months that's good going!) I was dehydrated the majority of the time, but managed to enjoy myself. The thing is now, only 18 months later I can barely get through a day at work without feeling incredibly anxious, somewhere I used to feel 'safe'. Just the short distance walking to the toilet makes me panic so I avoid the feeling by going up to ten times a day (not very productive as you can imagine!).

I've just completed a month's intensive course with a view to going to teach English aboard (probably the source of the stress) and it's something I've wanted to do for ages, but at the moment I have no idea how it's going to be possible with the new situation, travel and teaching long classes. It's so frustrating that I came so far as to think that was a possibility and now I'm back here again. I have so many fears and apprehensions, but how ridiculous that this is what's holding me back (not, y'know moving to another country where I don't speak the language to start a new career or anything...).

Anyway, that was a long rant sorry, a long time coming! I'm really keen to hear from anyone going through the same thing and what help you sort, what worked etc! But mainly it has been so good to read your stories and know I'm not alone. Hope you're all ok!

[zx123]

I know this thread is old but wanted to post because I also have this problem.

It started a few months ago when I was on a long bus journey and I needed to use the bathroom but was unable to for a prolonged period of time. This caused me a lot of anxiety and stress and since that time I have a fear about the same thing happening.

This happened at a stressful period in my life, during which time I also developed symptoms of ocd. Before I go on a bus journey I have to go to the bathroom to make sure that my bowels are empty(sorry for the tmi). I also try to find out where the public toilets are when I go somewhere new. If I have to go somewhere unfamiliar, or have to wait somewhere where there is no access to a toilet I start to feel anxious. If I go on a long bus journey I try to make sure that I can split up the journey so that I can have access to a bathroom if I need one.

I am glad that I have found this thread. It feels good to know that other people feel the same way.