Hi Guys,
Just wanted to say that I was mighty impressed by the messages on here, and a quick good luck to you all before I begin my little tale.
About 4 years ago I started dabbling in ecstacy when out clubbing, not to any major extent but I really suffered on the come downs after the weekend. Anyway, after one friday night out I was at home alone when I had my first ever panic attack. This really scared the life out of me and they carried on till I got out of my flat and went to the pub where there were other people. Anyway, I put it down to a one off but it happend the next night so I rang a girl I had just started seeing to go and see her just so I didn't have to be on my own. Basically, I was so freaked by these panic attacks that I feared being alone and developed a dependence on this girl. Even to the extent of moving in with her after 6 weeks, I think I mistook this dependence for love. Anyway, it is nearly 4 years later now and I am still with the same girl. If I am honest the relationship is dead in the water but I keep it going as I am scared of the panic attacks coming back. This is totally unfair to her as she is thinking marriage etc soon (although I know she knows something isn't right). I broke up with her about two years ago when the relationship should have ended and was ok for a couple of weeks, saw her out with another guy and then suffered non-stop panic for about a week or so. Eventually I managed to get her back but obviously for the wrong reasons. She deserves some one who can give her the life she wants, and I am stopping this form happening as I am scared of losing her.
A mess I think you'll agree, I need to end it but I'm scared of the panic attacks starting again!!!!