I hate the people at my school!

[sip]

I feel like they're all gossiping about me behind my back.

I know this is a long post, but please read.

Usually, when I go out, people ignore me for the most part and seem to behave normally.

But when I go to school, it seems that people behave in really inexplicable ways around me. Normally, you don't see people curling their lips or standing around with condescending looks on their faces, but when I go to school, that seems to be ALL I SEE.

But only at school!

One day, I went to the library at school. I used to work there a semester ago, but lost the job due to the manager being a dick, and due largely in part to my anxiety, and the side-effects of some medication I was on.

ANYWAY, I went to the front desk and that day I had happened to have brought along a friend. I've known her for a really long time, I trust her, etc. but she does not go to my school. She was standing at the front desk with me when I went to ask some questions. I didn't understand why, but she seemed really disgruntled at the time. I asked her about it later, and she said that it was because the people behind the desk were TALKING ABOUT ME. Like I wasn't even there or something, saying, "Isn't that the guy who used to work here?" etc. They were talking about me, not even ten feet from my face and I did not notice.

I do not have good hearing, and I am not always cognizant of the things that are going on around me, but a lot of times, it really does seem that people are talking about me behind my back or in front of my face, or asking and saying nastier things than that. It's just like the obvious whispering that used to happen to me when I was in grade school, except now it seems that the people doing it are sneakier. I can't prove that they're saying anything, but it still feels like they're deliberately toying with me.

People say weird things to me that seem to have (In my mind) obvious double meanings. VERY obvious ones, about things I've said or done in the past. All of these things are of a very personal nature, and the fact that anyone would know them without my telling them seems very, very morally reprehensible to me. The only way this information would have spread without someone taking the time to tell me that it was spreading would be if all the other people around me were huge, enormous douchebags. As of now, that seems most probable.

I've tried getting over it, but the idea of this still upsets me. Even if I get past the idea of people thinking poorly of me, the idea that I'm in an environment where everyone has effectively turned against me disgusts me. I don't want to be in my school anymore. Since all of this started, my grades have suffered to the point where it would be impossible for me to transfer even if I could afford to.

I don't know what to do. I went to student health services, talked to a therapist, and she seems insistent on persuading me that everything that has happened is all in my head. In spite of the months of "evidence" in the form of experience I have accumulated, she seems insistent on telling me that I'm hallucinating, misinterpreting, various things like that. I feel like she's just telling me this because it's more convenient for her to assume I'm nuts rather than gathering any objective information about the matter at hand. And I think that's making it worse. In addition to all of these things happening around me, she wants me to question my sanity too. It's like being shot in the face and then being refused medical service. "Are you sure you're bleeding to death?"

I have no friends whatsoever at this school, and I really don't want to be friends with any of the people at it after all this has happened, so it's not like I can just ask around.

I don't know what to do.

How can I get to the bottom of this?
How can I get my therapist to listen to me?
What can I do about any of this?

I feel totally helpless...

[PanchoGoz]

I am no therapist, just a fellow school kid. But here goes...
I think you have gotten yourself into a difficult spiral of negetive thoughts and dwelling on things that should not be dwelt on. You poor thing!
You are finding double meanings, listening out for behind the back talk, thinking the worst. And do you find you wish you could just be dumb and not have a clue about anything current in life?
You "have no freinds" (I don't like writing that btw) because you are pushing them away. If you think they hate you, they will just feel that negetive energy and be frightened of you.
Obviously you were having trouble coping with the anxiety and medications. The doctor should have been helping you with that...

"Evidence". I know that word well, building up case files in my head of people.
THROW IT ALL AWAY. Because it probably is in your head. You are noticing things in you would not normally noticing, and collecting them up for later use.

Forget school nurses they are useless. You are not insane, you have a well known condition and you need to talk to people about it, somebody who really knows what they are doing and knows what its like to be anxious. Joining up here is your first step. Welcome!

All I can suggest for now, is have an open mind, think positively, good diet bla bla bla. Realise that you are not the only person who is right here. Listen to the therapist and go along with it for a bit. Try to stick your chin up in the face of death.
Good luck.

[hopefulgyrl]

hi, i know you're not crazy...i experience some similar things ,when i was in school i really really hated it. it was the worst thing ever to me...no fun,just dreading for the next day to come.seemed ( to me) that noone really liked me.... i had about 2 friends..i was very shy,and afraid to go up in front of the class for book reports etc......it was horrible!! but i sticked threw it,even though it was tough,i kept going,i never failed a grade,passed every year,and on graduation day i was very proud of myself for that purpose.... just try your very best to stick it through,never give up,talk to people that can relate, ( like here) we all have something in common here.... and just know that deep inside you are strong!!