therapy

[onceagain]

Hi everyone,

I need some advice regarding my therapy and feel terrible for feeling the way I do, but it wont shift so I want to know if there is something that I can do without losing my help altogether.

I started counselling what seems ages ago after the problems had got so bad that I had a complete break down... I had waited for over a year and I was seeing a lovely counsellor, I didn't trust her at first, part of my issues.. but anyway she stuck with me and eventually the rapport was fantastic she could finish my sentences for me and it felt for the first time in my life someone understood... but sadly that came to an end and I then had to wait for my therapy to begin.. I was given a case worker with the MH team and finally I had an appointment to see if I would be suitable to therapy, at the meeting, it was decided that yes I needed therapy and that my problems were so deep rooted that straight CBT would not be enough and so they were going to work with mentalization, a therapy that was first developed for suffers of borderline personality disorder.. I was thrilled finally I was on the road to recovery ...or so I thought!!!

At the meeting I met my therapist and he told me that he would make my first appointment by end of May.. by mid May I had not heard and grew concerned so I called the hospital.. at the appointment he brought this up and said that he had said late May/early June but he had NOT said this he really had said the end of May and he brushed this off as if oh making a fuss over a few days... there was the trust straight out of the window... I did not feel comfortable, I cried as I felt he was trying to drag stuff out in one session and I had to tell him that I did not feel ready to trust him..

Anyway I've not returned but I have made another appointment now, but in my heart of hearts I don't like him.. I don't trust him and I don't connect with him.. I will never openly discuss my issues with him because of this and I don't know what to do..can I ask to see someone else??? what if they say no? does that mean that I take him or have nothing? I am so upset I know I need the help but I feel that this is not the guy for me... and as I do have trust issues as well as a low self esteem it will only build to the point where I get upset by the whole issue.. I did take the attitude that I'm not going back but I need help and I want it ..just not with this guy.. personality clash, his manner I don't know but its how I feel..please advise x

[ElizabethJane]

Dear Sharon I'm very sorry that you are not getting on with this therapist. Would it be possible to go back to the CMHT and discuss the problem with them? I'm not sure whether you would be able to change therapist as he might turn it into a problem and say that you are avoiding therapy because it is too painful rather than avoiding working with him. Could you write to your consultant and ask him to help you? I have had a lot of therapy in the past and it really does matter that you have a 'rapport' with the therapist to allow good 'transference' to happen. Best of luck EJ.

[cbtish]

"Straight CBT" is great for deep-rooted problems, so the decision at that meeting sounds fishy to me. Whatever the style of therapy, rapport with your therapist is vital. If you don't have it, ask to see someone else. If they say no, make a formal complaint.

[joannap]

hi - do you think you have given this guy a chance? you do say you had trust issues with your lady counsellor initially and perhaps you cannot stand him because of how lovely she was and so he is not being given a fair chance? i know it seems like a long time to us when we are waiting for an appointment but end of may/beginning june are pretty much the same thing give or take a few days and so to a non anxiety sufferer - this probably did not seem such a big deal - however - i do understand it did to you and if you don;t like this guy - you don;t like him - fair enough.

when i first saw a counsellor - i felt really cross in my initial session and disliked him but looking back (and he told me this too when he knew me better!) i sort of went in and thought - right this it - i am going to be finally cured! but therapy is not like this - they give us the tools and we have to do the hard work and so i really think you should try and see him a few times - can you not take a deep breath and try and work with him and give him answers to what he is looking for? I realise you do not want to feel as though information is being dragged out of you at a pace you are not ready for but the whole point of sessions is to get your therapy underway and not much is going to happen if you are just sat looking at each other lol! Going to at least a few sessions will also help your case if you do want to change counsellor because then at least you and they will know you did really try x

[onceagain]

Thanks everyone for the advise, I have another appointment booked for the 19th so I will go along with the view that I will take it as it comes. I have to be honest I do not like him, I don't like his body language, the way he talks to me nor his second guessing and trying to convince me of what my issues are in just one session.

When I first went to see my counsellor I told her straight away that I did not want to be there, I wanted proper help and that talking about it and dragging all the past up and not dealing with it was not what I wanted. She asked me what I wanted and we worked it from there but that is not why I cannot take to my therapist she was marvelleous and I will be forever grateful to her but she and I both knew that I needed more help..

The thing is that it wasn't that he said about June it was the way he made me feel because of the way he said it.. It was irrelevant that I called regarding my appointment you would do the same if anyone said they would contact you and you hadn't heard.. it was the flippant attempt to make me feel that I should not have called and the fact that he changed what he had actually said to almost add impact.

I have spent many years being lied to and find it very difficult to trust the one thing that I have a lot of respect for and need is that people straight talk and don't try to make it that its in my head as a therapist he should be aware of peoples issues and be sensitive to it, it was not necessary to raise it at all.

I don't like him because he transferred his error on to me ... simple as. But I will do as you have all advised and give it a chance, however, knowing me, I have lived with buried hurts most of my life and I would need to feel comfortable with someone to discuss my deepest thoughts, hurts and fears.. but you are all right I will give him another go with as open a mind as possible.. but if this is unsuccessful what do I do...

EJ I'm sorry that you are going through a difficult time at the moment, bless you, you always offer great support. I will keep the appointment.

Cbtish, I would love to ask for someone else but I'm terrified that I will lose my help if I take the steps to voice how I feel.

I have spoken to lots of doctors, nurses, MH staff etc and to be honest this is the only one that regardless whether I am having a good day or a blip, that I cannot get myself to think that it will work but YES I will attend on the 19th.

Thank you all for the advice it is much appreciated I understand what you are all saying so I will go on the 19th I will give it a chance ... thank you all again x

[joannap]

hi sharon

best of luck - if you still feel the same then yes - i would ask if you can change - i do know how you feel - i saw a psychologist who was a patronising g*t and even made fun of the work i do - i gave it 3 times but then didn't go back!

[onceagain]

hi sharon

best of luck - if you still feel the same then yes - i would ask if you can change - i do know how you feel - i saw a psychologist who was a patronising g*t and even made fun of the work i do - i gave it 3 times but then didn't go back!

Thanks I will try I know I need help but I did speak to my GP and he said that I should talk to my caseworker that the therapy is about me and not them and he said that when he worked in that field that some of them are very patronising and that he did not like those ones at all...lol, so there you go.. I will do my best to keep an open mind but we may have issues but that does not give people the right to look down at us or use us to build their own ego..

Did you lose out on the therapy all together or did they give you someone else... I hope you did get to change therapists... it would be so sad to think that we didn't get the help we crave because we cannot tolerate rude therapists lol x