Hocd? Or denial?

[flyers28]

For the past few years i've been struggling with anxiety and depression. I've never been officially diagnosed with OCD but i've been known to dwell on things. About 4 days ago i had a panic attack (while under the influence of marijuana) about the the thought of me being a homosexual. Ever since that day my depression and anxiety worsened...I'll read about HOCD and feel ok for a few hours but then another thought will come to my mind and i'll start worrying again. My fear is that i was maybe subconsiciously gay and the weed revealed it to me. I'm 20 years old and never had a single sexual thought about a guy. But i think back to times with girls and i say did i really enjoy that? and at college my one mature roomate (joke) would put on gay porn and i immediately looked away disgusted...am i homophobic? doesnt that mean i'm gay? But i cant shake this obsession obviously I havent had many relationships only but i did enjoy it. We went out for a year but never had any intercourse. A year ago i had intercourse with a girl i only just met. I didnt mind it but i couldnt ejaculate.and the next day i felt guilty idk why. So that stimulates my fear. Do you think im suffering my HOCD or am in denial? other information (Before this obsession i also smoked marijuana which triggered a fear of death and i harped on that pretty much until this hocd problem)

[flyers28]

also ever since i had that thought i really have no sex drive or anything...my stomach hurts at the thought..someone please help!

[Anxious_gal]

maybe you have a low sex drive?
there are lots of people out there that don't have any need for sex or only need it once in a while.
i think for men a lot of your masculinity is based around sexual actives.
look if you were gay you would find men attractive and you would think naughty things about them.
from what you said you sound 100% straight.
it's normal for you to find gay men having sex disgusting, even straight people having sex isn't very pretty never mind two men who you obviously do not find attractive doing it.
maybe you just haven't found the right women? maybe you get nervous about sex.
but i think this fear is causing you a lot of anxiety.
maybe you feel the need to prove to your self your aren't gay.

there are many different, ocd fears, common ones are the irrational fear of hurting someone you love, fearing that you may find children attractive.
you fear it so there for it's something you wouldn't nor would want to do.

[absentia]

You might just be smoking too much weed. Were you stoned when you had intercourse? Your brain is probably more of a sexual organ than your penis, so if you are intoxicated there is every chance you may not enjoy it or even be able to ejaculate. I think weed effects serotonin and serotonin meds (SSRI's) have been known to make men unable to ejaculate. Weed also makes people paranoid and you my friend, seem paranoid

Perhaps you should give the green stuff a break for a while. Are you a regular weed smoker?

[flyers28]

thank you for the advice. I do agree with you absentia i am a very paranoid these days...up until my recent bug out i was a regular pot smoker. is it possible that the weed triggered my subconcious fears etc. death, and being gay? i also began taking prozac so i hope it helps although so far its made me tired and nauseated. I've had one girlfriend as i mentioned it was awhile ago maybe 2 years. I enjoyed being with her and i felt something. The girl i had sex with a year ago i didnt find attractive and no i was not high. My biggest concern with all this was wow why would i think something like that? and the whole next day i harped on it and was very depressed when i saw a pretty girl i felt down.

[absentia]

This girl you had sex with, if you did not find her attractive then you may not have been able to ejaculate. It happens. A friend of mine was telling me his sleazy sex stories and told there was this one girl who wanted sex who he was not particularly interested in and did not really find her attractive. He said it was boring sex and it took him a long time to ejaculate. There is also every chance that if you were a heavy pot smoker that it may have effected your thoughts, made you paranoid and caused your anxieties. Pot can be mixed with all sorts of crap if you buy it from a bad source so you never know what is in it and what it may do to you.

If I were you I would lay off the pot completely and try leading a new lifestyle. Join a gym and try eating a healthy diet. See it as a detox! Drugs can remain in your system (particularly your liver) for many years, so by living a healthy lifestyle and getting lots of vitamins you will help to remove any toxins from you body. A healthy diet can also greatly reduce anxiety! Perhaps you should also think about watching some pornography too and see what arouses you. But just so you are aware, it is not unnatural to feel aroused by watching another man ejaculate.

If you want help with diet and reducing anxiety, I can't recommend this book enough:
http://www.amazon.com/Food-Mood-Solu...9359785&sr=1-1

Good luck!