I am at risk of losing my job next

[phil06]

I really don't know where to start things just seem to go from bad to worse and any positive soon becomes a negative. Today I had an appraisal at work where they asses your performance. I work in retail and they say my customer service is not good enough so rated me poor. I have to improve that but they did find other positives (don't feel that matters after what they said)..but after a three month probationary they may not keep me on.

I can't help being a bit quiet or unhappy how I look at times. Nobody can reassure me about not losing my job as I have been paid off about three times from retail in the last few years as a manager doesnt like my performance enough. Basically the assistant manager said they don't like me because I don't talk enough to them and because of how I am.

Maybe I need a long hard look in the mirror? maybe it's me? I'm lonely in love can't find a women, I failed my driving test for the 4th time yesterday, could be out of work and back to square one soon as again just like the other 20 times I have been.

I mean atleast I try, I just want to get on in life but I'm always no good. It's times like these I actually say well no wonder I am anxious and feeling how I do because life is constantly hard for me. Course there's no reward for trying as it's not always good enough, or the wrong moment. Just feel I need to talk about it not sure if any words can help me anymore? I feel I need to find some sense of all this myself. Maybe I'll never be a happy outgoing person but when lifes better I am more relaxed and a bit happier thats just me. I'm not all jolly I can be serious.

Just don't know anymore..anybody whos read my previous posts may understand how I have been feeling..because this is just another chapter in what goes wrong next and how I have gave up before I change it or why should I? maybe look for my 50th job at the age of 21?

Just so upset right now. Being told u ain't a nice person well just backs up how I feel maybe I am not a nice person to know hence my situation.

[paulaf]

Phil - who says you're not a nice person? I am sure you are very nice, you are just going through a bad time like so many of us have. I also failed my driving test last week so I sympathise, I was down about it but have rebooked and will just keep trying til I pass (hopefully).

Re work - if you have suffered for 1 year or more and if you are on medication (or even if not), you could be protected by a law called the Disability Discrimination Act which means your employer must make reasonable adjustments to help you including giving you more of a chance if you are not meeting your targets etc, so I would urge you to tell your employer about your anxiety. Best of luck, I hope things get much better for you soon.

[suzannacorfu]

Dear Phil we have spoken in chat a few times and I can assure you that you ARE a nice person adn I am a VERY good judge of character!!
You have health anxiety as I remember and you suffer from panic attacks. This alone can make a friendly outgoing person appear to be unsocial etc because your mind is concentrated on your symptoms.
Unfortunately whilst we are in the clutches of fear we DO become a little insensitive to other people's problems (I will probably be lynched for daring to say this!). What happens is that when we are talking to others we are so intent on describing our symptoms and on "feeling" new symptoms and analysing them that we even forget to ask how the other person is feeling! If you look carefully you will see this happen time and time again. I am NOT saying that we are selfish people Phil I AM saying however that we become very egocentric during a bad spell.
You mention that your job may be at risk and you are having trouble finding love etc. These are both things which require contact with other people and therefore you need to be able to interact with them. We cannot interact successfully with others by only explaining OUR problems and symptoms etc. (I am NOT criticizing you. I have been there myself).
So my advice would be: yes have a good look in the mirror by all means BUT only to tell yourself that you are NOT ill, panic attacks will NOT kill you and start to slowly build a life as YOU would like it.
It breaks my heart that someone 21 years old should suffer with this but please do not waste any more of your life suffering unnecessarily!.
One last thing: the key to successful work and personal relationships is to be interested in the other person. Start small: ask how the other person is an REALLY listen. Don't then launch into a tirade of your ills etc. Just listen and you will see that people will be drawn to you like a magnet.
A good listener is worth a million good talkers Phil and MUCH more popular!!!
Suz
XX

[phil06]

Phil - who says you're not a nice person? I am sure you are very nice, you are just going through a bad time like so many of us have. I also failed my driving test last week so I sympathise, I was down about it but have rebooked and will just keep trying til I pass (hopefully).

Re work - if you have suffered for 1 year or more and if you are on medication (or even if not), you could be protected by a law called the Disability Discrimination Act which means your employer must make reasonable adjustments to help you including giving you more of a chance if you are not meeting your targets etc, so I would urge you to tell your employer about your anxiety. Best of luck, I hope things get much better for you soon.

My assistant manager said that it's made me very upset. I know I am sometimes down, withdrawn but I try and be the best I can be the funny thing is she's never really got on my back as such.

So if they sack me can I say I am anxious and see about that law? I don't want to tell them unless I have to. I am on time and doing all my work even when anxious just they are not pleased with my customer service basically said I chase customers away. I feel it's unfair as many are on holiday and the entire town is quiet.

I feel it's unfair as there's people too nervous to use the till but I can work all be it I am not my happy jolly all the time.

[Thumbelina]

Phil, you write so honestly and complexfor the 21yo.the manager mght not like you for his personal likes and dislikes. Don't reflect his opinion on yourself. His judgement is very conditional. It's just the black stripes for you at the moment which means only that the white one are ahead!!!! You come across as alovely person.

[absentia]

It really annoys me how in retail work they expect you to be chatty all the time. When I go into a shop I don't go in for a chat, I go in to buy something and so long as the person hehind the till smiles and says please and thank you I am happy and even if they didn't it would not stop me shopping there. Not everyone is the same. I know how you feel as I am quite an introvert who is rather quiet, particularly around strangers.

Have you not thought of a change in career? I don't know how you manage to do retail work. It is not something I think I could ever do. Perhaps sign onto a recruitment agency where they will find something different for you that should not require any experience to ge started in something new.

[phil06]

It really annoys me how in retail work they expect you to be chatty all the time. When I go into a shop I don't go in for a chat, I go in to buy something and so long as the person hehind the till smiles and says please and thank you I am happy and even if they didn't it would not stop me shopping there. Not everyone is the same. I know how you feel as I am quite an introvert who is rather quiet, particularly around strangers.

Have you not thought of a change in career? I don't know how you manage to do retail work. It is not something I think I could ever do. Perhaps sign onto a recruitment agency where they will find something different for you that should not require any experience to ge started in something new.

Thank you somebody who sees my point. I mean smile, convo is good if the customer talks or if the person has time but I work in a busy store and most customers walk out the door before I even hand them the respect. I say Hi, thanks and goodbye.

See I admit I can be quite quiet and choosy who I talk to in general but when somebody says they don't like me I do take it to heart. I'm not a bad person, I admit I am not always at my best when life is hard I can be miserable to be around but I just want a normal happy life and a family and just a job, would like a career. My previous job was a similar customer job but not a shop just the staff were not good to work with.

I do enjoy retail out of all the work I've tried, admin jobs are not for me and neither is cleaning. Not sure what to do.

[phil06]

I feel like I don't want to go back now.

[jaded jean]

Hi Phil
Never underestimate yourself, you will pass your driving test-when you are ready. Dont worry about your assistant manager he is probably so analy retented he wont see anything but his insides!. they do not figure in your whole life only the hours you are working there. check out the DDA See what support there is for you and you will be pleasantly suprised,as Paulaf said you could be protected by it, check it out with your doctor. I had a similar scenario at work where someone did not want me back at my place of work so a complete reshuffle had to be done and now I work 7 miles away and it is turning out very nice . even working part time which I was not planning on doing, but every step of the way I have to have support and they do have to help me in every aspect of the job seriousley/ So dont forget we are all here to help and advise however half assed my advice is, Think of you and think yes I am better than this!
Jean

[absentia]

Thank you somebody who sees my point. I mean smile, convo is good if the customer talks or if the person has time but I work in a busy store and most customers walk out the door before I even hand them the respect. I say Hi, thanks and goodbye.

See I admit I can be quite quiet and choosy who I talk to in general but when somebody says they don't like me I do take it to heart. I'm not a bad person, I admit I am not always at my best when life is hard I can be miserable to be around but I just want a normal happy life and a family and just a job, would like a career. My previous job was a similar customer job but not a shop just the staff were not good to work with.

I do enjoy retail out of all the work I've tried, admin jobs are not for me and neither is cleaning. Not sure what to do.

How are you socially? Does it make you uncomfortable? Probably not as you work in retail. If you signed up to a recruitment agency they could get you work in a factory or warehouse as it usually doesn't require experience. It also gives you the chance to progress and learn new skills depending on what sort of factory you end up at. I worked for an electronics company, where at first I was an assembler putting mirrors on sticks. I then got the chance to work in the electronics department as they seen my potential growing. I am now a fully qualified solderer to the highest grade (being allowed to work on life saving equipment!) and know about the handelling and testing of PCB's. Problem now is I quit my job through stress caused by social anxiety, but it goes to show you can get pretty far in less than 4 years starting at the bottom.