Completely terrified of pregnancy

[arie07123]

Hi all,
I will try not to babble too much but I really need your help, I am completely and utterly petrified that I may be pregnant. I already have a beautiful boy who has just turned 5. My pregnancy with him was pretty straight forward, and his birth was 'natural' (If you can call it that). I didnt suffer from anxiety then either. Anyway I fell pregnant again when he was 7mths old. The day I found out, I will never forget. It was the single worst day of my life. We were living in a 1 bed flat, and I was already being treated for quite nasty PND. I couldn't function at all. The thought of having anoter baby, quite honestly made me want to die. In the end we decided an abortion was the best for eveyone. I had to wait one week before going into the private clinic, and for that week, I didn't eat or sleep.
Anyway 2 years ago I had a 'scare' and this was to be the start of what is now completely sole distroying. Every month I live in fear of that month my pill not working. I am on the mini pill, which causes irregular periods, which for someone with my fear is the worst thing in the world.
At my worst I can become completely obsessed with the possablity of being pregnant. So much so that I can do up to 10 pregnancy tests in a day. I have been on the waiting list for Psychotherapy for well over a year now. I have been assessed goodness knows how many times, and everyone agrees i need help, just dont seem willing to give it. I was on Seroxat up until just over aq month ago (doctors recommendation)
Nyway this mth I was 4 and half hours late taking my mini pill (I only have a 3 hour window) I do want another baby (I know shocking) but the reality of it kills me. I have been tierd the past 3days so today after 5mths of not doing them I decided to do a test (what a very big mistake!) The test (a cheap one from Wilkos) showed up a faint positive. OMG i was shaking my head felt as tho it was going to explode. My partner said lets go and get one of the proper brand ones. This is where it gets wierd. I have now done 4 otha tests today (2 using the exact urine sample I used for the faint poss test) Each and everyone of them have been negative! I know theis is technacally 4 against 1 but I cant stop thinking of the poss test n I feel petrified that I am actually pregnant.
When I think of pregnancy now its all negative. I am not only scared of birth but mostly I am scared of mmyself, and how this may affect me mentally. As right now if I didn't have lil man I would be dead, cause I really cant live like this anymore.
I am so sorry this thread is long and hope someone reads it. I would appreciate any feedback from anyone who has or is in a similar situation.

[shinderuko]

I'd suggest you ask your doctor for a different pill if you don't want to get pregnant at least until you feel you would like another child.
I was on Microgynon 30, this gives you a twelve hour window to take your pill. Or if you're ofte forgetful with taking your pill try the patch. I'm now on Evra and it's so much easier changing it once a week than remembering a pill everyday.
Evra is less likely to fail too as it isn't affected by vomitting or antibiotics like the pill is.
Hope that's helpful!!

[arie07123]

Hiya thanks for your post. Unfortunately this is my last option as far as birth control goes, other than sterilistation or celebacy. I have been with my partner since i was 19 I am 27 next month, and I know me never wanting sex through fear is hurting him, so I feel i need to still keep him happy as this is my stupid problem, and if i lost him ii dont know what i would do. You are probably wondering why this is my last option, basically the combination pill and any other birth control methods that contain eaostrogen are an absolute no go according to my doc, as i used to suffer from migrains with tunnel vision and pins and needles. Trust me I have been fighting to try it again for years. i had the injection and bled non stop for 6mths and ended up very aneamic, the patch and the implant both have eaostrogen in them so cant use them, and i had the copper coil fitted and again bled awfully. So this is really my last option.
Thankyou for you post though.

[shinderuko]

I know how you feel about keeping him happy.
I sometimes fear having sex with my partner too but it upsets him as he thinks it's his fault.