Afraid I have Schizophrenia

[Freemoon]

Note: I'm 17 and my anxiety, when it started to get really bad where I worried about a lot of things, including health non stop, started a little before I turned 16 I think.

I saw another thread like this, but I didn't know if I should make another thread or not on this issue. I don't even know if I should post this in this section.

Anyways, it is very hard for me to say these things or even type them because of how ridiculous they are and how embarrassing they are. Some of this stuff I was afraid to type about even. The only person I have really told about these things is my sister, and even then I didn't tell her everything. Here it goes. I'll list at least a few things.

I was watching a scary movie, well I didn't really want to watch it because I get freaked out VERY easy and things like this happen to me at times... being afraid of things that happen in movies. So in the movie some alien is living inside some guy. It freaked me out and I started to think what if that is happening to me. Well I freaked out a decent amount over it. I know it is ridiculous, especially when I think back about that, but it really scared me. I don't really think about the alien growing inside thing much, because I know it isn't real, but at the time I did after I saw the movie I kinda feel like I convinced myself it was real.

I saw a movie where someone got poisoned. I have a fear of being poisoned when I eat. I know it is ridiculous, but I still freak out about it sometimes. I don't freak out about that as much as I used to though, but I still think about it sometimes and still get worried about it sometimes.

This one is probably the hardest for me to type, one reason being it is something I think about a lot. I am often thinking about Satanic things. I don't exactly know why, and I don't really have a specific reason as to why I would think about them so much or what I am afraid of when I think about them. It just freaks me out thinking about the stuff in general and I do a lot. Basically what I kind of get in my head is things that freak me out. Pentagram and the number 666 are two things I think about a lot. A year or so ago I had a dream and int he dream I had a glowing Pentagram on my hand. So after that I would often look at my hand a lot. I don't do it as much now, and I know I shouldn't really think about that, but I still look sometimes. I just basically kind of started to think about these things for no real reason. I just saw a few people dressed in all black walking by and the thoughts just kind of went in my head and I started thinking about them a lot.

As maybe an extension of that, I often can start thinking about that stuff even more by it getting triggered. Just seeing the number 6 often makes me think of 666. Seeing the color black and red can freak me out too, because I sort of associate them with bad things in my mind for some reason. Oddly enough the color red was my favorite color at one time.

I've had a dream before and in that dream there was a number. Basically, I convinced myself I was going to die in that many days. I didn't, but it was a very scary time for me after that dream.

Anyways these are a few big things that have happened. Again, this was very very very hard for to type this stuff up. Some of this stuff I was afraid to type about even. Feedback is welcome.

[andrew]

Hi Freemoon,

Doesn't sound like you have schizophrenia. Its often said that if you had it, you would not question or think about any of the anxieties you've described. You would just believe them and go with those thoughts without question. It is very common for anxiety sufferers to think they have schizophrenia, I was pretty sure I had it a few times.

It sounds like your anxiety has latched onto certain thoughts and you are obsessively thinking about them. They are only thoughts, they cannot harm you. Your anxieties are creating the thoughts, not you, so thinking about satanic stuff doesnt make you a devil worshipper, its just what your anxiety has latched onto.

Keep using your logic thoughts to tell yourself it is ridiculous, some kind of distraction may also help you to slow down the thoughts. Hopefully just writing all this down has helped you as well. Maybe think about getting some talking therapy. And cut down on the horror movies.

Take care.

[anthrokid]

Firstly don't feel silly or embarrassed by your fear. If you take a look at previous posts you'll notice that there's quite a few people on here who are afraid of developing schizophrenia and that's only a teeny tiny few people in the world! Plenty of people fear it!

I study psychology and one of my main interests is schizophrenia so I have a decent knowledge of how it works. I live with a schizophrenic as well. I can assure you right now that what you are feeling are not symptoms a schizophrenic would report so feel some calm from that

In regards to the movie thing, the fact that you can recognise now that it was just a fear and that you convinced yourself that it was real, indicates that you are perfectly normal and rational. This kind of thing happens to everyone! Everyone. The biggest contributor to thinking that something from a movie or something you've heard will happen to you is the dreaded 'what if' thoughts.

These are thoughts like "What if it is real", "What if there's an alien inside me and noone believes me", etc. These thoughts outline all the possible situations your mind can come across and they are very hard to break. The best way to deal with "What if" thougts is to write down a logical response to every "What if" you have and when you think it again just read out that response. I can relate to your fear of poisoning. I was drugges earlier this year and had a terrible phobia of eating anything because "What if someone has poisoned it or drugged it". The truth of the matter is that it's a trillion times more likely that your food HAS NOT been poisoned than it is that your food has been. Just try and think logically. I know it is hard, but you'll be okay.

In reference to the satanic thoughts you are having I would suggest that these are 'Intrusive thoughts'. These are thoughts which you cannot help but think and they seem to pop into your head without you even realising. The more you worry about it happening or try to stop it the more they occur. The fact that you know they are just thoughts and worry that they might be a sign of schizophrenia indicates that it is just anxiety, not schizophrenia at all. All these things you think aren't because you 'know' they are real, it's because you're worried that they 'might' be and because you've seen or heard a movie or story about something similar before.

Try to remember that it's all just caused by anxiety and fear of these thoughts, the thoughts are not actually real things. It may help for you to tell your parents or a doctor how worried you are about it so they can reassure you that it's only anxiety Because I can guarantee you 100% that these things are not schizophrenia.

[Freemoon]

It kinda feels good to have told about my thoughts. I'm glad that none typed responses laughing at me or something like that. I'm also glad that apparently these aren't schizophrenic things I have. I didn't list everything, but I listed some big things. In regards to the satanic thing I guess one thing I am afraid of is that something bad will happen to me because I am having those thoughts. Also there are some other things that are related to that, which may have been ocdish idk. Like everyime I would swallow, I don't do this as much now though, if I had the satanic thoughts in my head I would have to get something else in myhead then swallow again. It's weird I know, and I have done things like that but different also. Now if only I could stop having these thoughts.

I really thought I had schizophrenia, but now I don't feel as convinced that I have it since the posts that people have made. I really thought for sure the looking at hand thing becuase of a dream or thinking I'm going to die because of a dream would be some signs of it, guess I may have been wrong and I'm glad.

[PUGLETMUM]

hey, sounds exactly like ocd - which isnt something special its just another form of anxiety - you can get help with this at a site called ocduk - ive had all anxiety disorders, got this one after my daughter was born, im now able to handle it, but until i went to that site i was always very distressed by it and i relyed heavily on other ppl so i didnt have to feel the anxiety these thoughts would make me feel - take care, youll be okay - knowledge is power