My story - coming to terms

[uk23]

Hello,

I'm a 23 year old male. I started new therapy sessions about 2 months ago. My psychologist suggested going down the path of digging through past experiences to help me to understand why I have mental disorders. I thought this sounded like a good idea so I went along with it. I am now finding it hard to deal with.

I have listed the information below as I think it will help you have a better understanding.

Background Events (according psy these are all relevant)

• 9 Funerals and 15 deaths of close people from age 9 to 22
• Sexual abuse aged 9
• Absent father
• Bullying due to weight from earliest memories
• Held up at gun point when working in off license (age 19)
• Attacked by 2 dogs (age 21)
• Dumped by phone on Xmas day (first long term relationship)
• Alcoholic mother
• Intensive bullying from housemaster (this was at boarding school age 11)
• Finding I had a half sister and brother who are 1 year younger than me (age 22)

Medications

• Depakot (age 13)
• Prozax (age 13)
• Effexor (age 14)
• Diazapam (age 18 - 1 year)
• Mirtazapine (on now, crap drug)
• Seroxat (age 15)
• Citapramil (age 16)
• Olanzapine (age 20)

Also some other but cant remember them all.

Diagnoses

• Clinical Depression (age 13)
• Clinical Depression with psychotic manifestations (no idea what that means but that was at age 15)
• Self harm started at age 13
• OCD (classed as Severe at age 20)
• Bipolar Type 2
• That changed to cyclothymia (age 19)
• PTSD (now they are thinking this)

Anyway, if you have read this far thank you. The reason I started this was is because I seem to start getting panic attacks about a year a go. I had no idea what they were to start with but the GP told me.

They started with an anxious feeling then an attack which lasted up to about 90 minutes at most (that was horrible). Recently as therapy gets more repressed stuff out of my mind the anxiety wont really go away. I find it hard to leave the house now. I have requested some sort of medication for the anxiety - anything, I know benzos work but as doctors now seem to have a phobia about prescribing them I asked for something else but they just said no.

I am just wondering if anyone here has the same sort of history or any advice really on how to cope. I have relaxation mp3's and do breathing exercises but they don't really seem to help any more.

Also health anxiety started at the same time :(

I never really have mental anxiety with the attacks or periods as I call them, its always just physical.

The doctors did a blood test a few months a go and everything was normal. They have ordered other tests but they said they were doing that just to make me accept its anxiety.

Need some guidance and some help, finding it really hard to even leave the house now.

[Rachel_123]

hi uk23,

i'm 20 years old and have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. i, like yourself, have been attending councelling and working on and talking out problems ( the main being alcoholic mother ... just like you). i found that when i spoke about them, the anxiety got worse for a while because its like your opening up a wound. soon it begins to heal and the anxiety becomes better.

i have also realised that sometimes it is pointless trying to cover up anxiety with meds like benzos or anything else. anxiety is your body and mind's way of telling you that something is wrong...why ignore this?

anyways, thats all the advice i can give you, hope it helps a little.