Hi All,
I am new to No More Panic and am really hoping this can help me.
Long story, I'll try to cut short -
2 years go myself and my fiance went on holiday to Malaysia, which I was looking forward to SO much! Leading upto the holiday I couldn't be more excited. The flights seemed fine, until about an hour before we were due to land at our destination when I was overcome with feeling sick and terrible stomach pains, this was the start of what was to be the worst experience of my life.
We landed and I got progressively worse, we got to the hotel and I spent the first couple of hours were spent on the toilet. I managed to regain my composure enough to leave the hotel and see the sites, only to have to cut the sightseeing short to rush back to the hotel. The same story repeated itself for 3 days straight, watching the holiday of a lifetime go by out the hotel window.
It got to the stage where I had to call a Dr, he came out and put it to dehydration, gave me some tablets and said if it got worse I should go to the hospital. It got worse.
Myself and my fiance jumped into a taxi and went to the hospital, I began to hyperventilate due to the pain / panic / fear of what was going on, by the time we arrived at the hospital I could barely breathe. I crawled into a packed 'A&E' and my face started to lose functionality (due to hyperventilating) I was OVERCOME with panic and fear and thought I was going to die!! I was put on a drip and taken through to a dirty area of the hospital where they decided what to do with me. I had an xray which shown I was severely constipated (the long flight etc would not have helped) and this was a result of years of constipation! I was given an enema and had to 'administer' it myself. Traumatizing experience in itself.
I went back to the hotel feeling terrible and being in a panic and worrying what my fiance thought of me. We managed to get our holiday insurers to fly us home the next day (to both our relief)
The flight home was just as bad, I was fighting my body from passing out as I hadn't eaten for days. We eventually got home and I started to feel better after I had some medication (for my stomach) however this was just the beginning of my worries.
I started to feel dizzy / light headed / woozy / eyes not focusing properly, the thought of going back to work and people asking "How was your dream holiday" filled me with fear as every time I thought of it, it brought it ALL back - the thought of the fear of being ill, thought I was going to die on holiday, the thought I was a failure to my fiance and the traumatic experience of collapsing in a packed A&E in a foreign country. I went to see my GP who said the symptoms I were feeling were due to Anxiety.
6 months off work and CBT gave me what I needed to go back to work and face everyone again - which is one of my biggest accomplishments.
It has been over a year since my CBT now and I can feel myself slipping slightly with my anxiety and depression, but I am doing my CBT again and DETERMINED to beat it again!! However the thought of going abroad fills me with fear. Even going on holiday to Scotland makes me feel ill, dizzy, anxious, depressed etc - and I feel like I am letting my fiance down as she want's to see the world (as do I) but my fears seem to be getting the better of me. I try to rationalize and think my way around my anxiety but it's as though it's automatic (it happens without me even thinking "I'm nervous about this / this scares me)
That's it really - apologies if I rambled but tried to keep it as short as possible!
If anyone can help me I would be SO grateful!
Rick
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Originally Posted by gaaron
