*My Citalopram Blog* starting 5/8/10 uk
Hello to my fellow no more panickers
This is going to be the first of a daily blog.. and I am upon the eve of taking my first 20mg Citalopram.
I have suffered with Anxiety and Depression, since i was about 16, on top of eating disorder issues, self harm, and general mind fudge-ness. I have always refused tablets, as I suppose i always saw it as a cop-out or the easy way to deal with your problems... or, as mostly in my case, i was too ashamed to be taking anti-depressants in front of my mother. My father having mental health issues all his life, youd think she would be a little more leniant on the idea. ideals darling! image!! *she doesnt speak that poshly, shes actually Irish*
I have no idea who I am.. or rather.. who i would be, without the chatterbox in my brain, or the emotional demons that haunt my every day existence...
It has just passed my 24th birthday, and i finally made the crunch after lots of counseling, CBT work, hypno-tapes, books, talking with friends and family, positive thinking, and finally came to the decision that, this may be the path i was least likely to take, but it still may open up to something i couldn't imagine now.. whether good or bad.. but how will i ever know, unless i try. the path wont disappear, im not laying bread crumbs.. i can always follow it back home, saying, at least i walked it, i saw what was at the end, and the view wasn't really that interesting along the way..
So. I am in a state of optimism about it all right now. its 23.18pm and i have just opened the box to view the little blighters in their plastic cages. They look like little beady oval heads. a line to mark where thier eyes would be.. each little white head waiting to intrude my brain.. and i am rather looking foward to it.
I was shocked at myself, i thought i would walk out of the doctors having feeling i had let myself down, and i was giving in to the man and his magic pills... but perhaps this is the right choice... maybe i dont feel bad because it is the right thing to do..
i admit, i am so nervous about it, it is actually making me feel queasy and heart jumpy thinking about it.. so i better not worry too much before i cant sleep...
So, tomorrow morning will be the first pill. I have done so so so SO much research on Citalopram, so i know what to and what not to expect. .. but who knows what exactly will happen. every one is different. its like sticking your hand into a bag of chocolate roses and only one of each flavour is in the bag.. i just hope that no-one put a coffee flavoured one in.. bleah!
so yes , this may be a very random and weird blog.. but this is my blog. so i can be who i want. you cant see me after all! mwahaha! ..
I will try and keep this blog as frequent as possible and let you know whats happening when its happening
thanks for reading. catch you tomorrow!! think positive!
Wigi-Woo.
xxxx
__________________
''I'll pick some daisies,
from the flower bed
of the galaxy theater
while you clear your head...
I thought some daisies
might cheer you up...''