Exausted all the time

[CHICKEN]

Hi New to the board

I have suffered from Depression and Anxiety on/off for 4 years since my first pregnancey was put on prozac after the birth of my son and was on them for a year - got better but then my mother was diagnsed with cancer and then died Jan 2003 and then had a miscarraige on Dec 2003 - Since then the Anxiety and Depression has come back really badley - I am having CBT and my last session is next week but it does not seem to be working - I have had various symtoms Headaches,TMJ,Dizziness,Blurred Vison,very bad indegstion and heartburn, IBS, but the worst thing for me is the sheer exaustion and lack of energy - I have trouble getting out of bed and going to work, play with my son needs a great deal of effort from me and I seem to be doing it less and asking my husband to as I have not got the energy to get of the chair - I always think I have a terminal illness and my son will not have a mother - I lost my father to cancer when I was 16years old and then my mother died last year to caner - I miss them so much and am desperate that my son does not go through the hurt of losing someone at a young age. I just want to feel normal just one day were I wake up in the morning and feel ok and look forward to the day ahead and enjoy the little things in life - at the moment I feel that I am not living just existing.

Is the feeling exausted all the time a normal feeling and part of anxiety??

I am 37 years old.

[Meg]

Dear Karen,

It's not suprising that you've been depressed and anxious and these are both natural emotions following what's been going on with you. I'm sorry to hear your sad news.

At how many weeks was the miscarriage ?

The exhaustion is one natures way of keeping you still and coming to terms with your grief. Are you sleeping soundly ?

You could be helped by a rich mineral and vitamin tonic.
Neways Maximols has produced startling results in these circumstances previously.

If you do not have any other medical issues ,then it may be helpful to get yuur GP to give you something for the indigestion and heartburn if you're not already on a PPI.

A massage will help with the headaches and TMJ , dizziness and the vision will improve with calmness .

It is normal to feel tired with anxiety but your exhausted state may well be from the grief and sadness still.




Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[CHICKEN]

Thanks for replying.

I had HG with both pregnancies (which is very bad sickness - hospitalized twice and but on drips and given anti-sickness injections, lost 2 stone) had a scan at 8 weeks and everything ok - went for a scan at 14 weeks and they could not find a heart beat and said that the baby had died at around 11.5 weeks. Was devastated - and had to have an evacuation. Think it might of been my last chance to have another child as age is creeping up on me and I am scared of going through all that again - Just feel as if I have let my husband and son down by not giving them a brother/sister/son/daughter - when everyone around me seems to be having children with no problems.

I do sleep but wake up about twice a night - sometimes worring about how I feel - Just taking Gaviscon for the indegestion - have had camera put down throat to see if everything ok and it was - but I think it's also a family thing my mom always had indegestion.

I am also going to a TMJ Specialist soon - so hope that will help.

My husband has been fantastic and I love him so much but he is becoming ill because of my anxiety it's making him worry and stressed and I am scared.

I just want to be a normal wife and mom.

[Lottie32]

Hi Chicken

Meg is so right about the whole grief/anxiety/tiredness issue.

I spend most of my life being tired, and feeling exhausted. However, this is getting better. I have found that the following things help me:

1. Try and relax and grab some "treat" time as much as possible
2. Watch your diet - eat sensibly and healthily. A Low GI diet is very good for regulating the blood sugar, and stopping those tired troughs. Make sure you drink plenty of water. Avoid fizzy/sugary drinks and too much tea/coffee (green or herbal tea is ok though)
3. Reduce or stop smoking and drinking
4. Get your GP to review your meds. Some can make you sleepy, and there are non drowsy formulations available for most drugs
5. Get plenty of fresh air
6. Take some regular exercise
7. Listen to your body. If you are nodding off at 4pm on Sunday, then snooze for a bit
8. Get a regular bed time routine going - keep the bedroom for sleeping.
9. Drink a milky drink, burn lavendar oil, etc to create a state condusive to sleep
10. If you can't "switch off" your mind at bedtime, I listen to a relaxation tape very quietly. Most of the time, I've dropped off before it's ended. If I wake up in the middle of the night anxious, I put it on again.
11. Confront any issues that you may have. Discuss with your GP grief counselling, or ring CRUISE or the Samaritans for advice.

Concentrate on making your body as healthy as possible, then it can cope easier with what life throws at it!

And above all, please try not to worry. Easier said than done I know, but worry feeds the tiredness, and I always find I am much more anxious and less able to cope when I'm tired. Which makes me more anxious, which makes me more tired!

Take care

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

[stimpy]

Oh Chicken,

no wonder you are suffering so badly, anyone who has gone through what you have gone through would be suffering too.

It is perfectly normal to be exhausted, when I was a sofa loving panic monster I used to sleep 75% of the time, even washing the dishes would wear me out.
If your body is telling you to sleep then it obviously needs the rest.

Don't worry about being a normal wife and mother, you are perfectly normal.
It may not feel like that at the moment, but you are and things will get better.

Coping with the death of loved ones is awful, if your loved on is ill, you can at least start to prepare yourself for the worst news possible.
However when a loved one dies suddenly, or you miscarry, or you yourself are young dealing with death it can make it far more devistating.

Thinking you are terminally ill is perfectly natural. As you have lost both parents to cancer it is understandable that you are going to worry yourself ill that you have got it too, mix that with not sleeping and your physical symptoms - it all adds up .

I would definately advice talking to someone about your worries and inner grief.

You can contact CRUSE,UK on 0870 167 1677, http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/ or email them at: helpline@crusebereavementcare.org.uk if you prefer.

or you can contact the Samaritans on 08457 90 9090, http://www.samaritans.org/ or you can e-mail them at :Jo@Samaritans.org if you prefer. - They are very nice people and available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Try to relax as much as you can, it will help you to feel better.


Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx

[] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric

[jollywalrus]

Hi Chicken,
Your post has touched my heart, especially the part where you say you never want your son to go through the hurt of losing a parent at such a young age. My Mother and Father died within six months of each other two years ago. My Mother simply lost the will to live without my Father. The pain has been excrutiating and I know a large part of my anxiety is that I never want my kids to feel the same pain that I have. But you know, the reality is, they will at some stage, but while you and I are worrying about it, we are wasting our days with them. I was a nurse and I know that the truth is most people never get really ill in their lifetime, and most people live to be a ripe old age when death holds no fear for them any more. We have to try and keep that in mind.
There is a touching poem by Mary Oliver that sums things up so well;

To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.



I'm still looking for ways to let go, and if I find a way, I will tell you! In the meantime, be kind to yourself and remember what you are feeling is a big part of the grief process. You are doing your very best and I bet your Mum and Dad would be proud.
Best wishes,
Christine

[Lottie32]

When my granny died, we read this out at the funeral.

I thought it was lovely, and it's exactly as she wanted things done.

Its over four years since dad went, and a whole year in March since Fossil died.

I read this poem, sometimes, cos I find it helps.

When I come to the end of the road and the sun has set for me,
I want no rites in a gloom filled room, why cry for a soul set free.
Miss me a little - but not too long and not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once shared - miss me, but let me go.
For this is a journey that we all must take and each must go alone.
It's all a part of the masters plan a step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart, go to the friends we know.
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds - miss me, but let me go.

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

[nomorepanic]

Charlie

That is really lovely

Nicola

[kate]

Charlie,

What a lovely poem, it brought a lump to my throat.

Kate x

[stimpy]

Anyone got any hankies ?

Charlie that was lovely!

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx

[] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric