noticed some deep thoughts ive noticed i fear most

[johnno]

ive recently noticed the things i deeply fear and just thought id write them to see it out there in the open to take a look at .

it seems all my fears are based around feeling vulnerable around people .

here are some situations i feel panicy soon as i think about it :

been with a group of people and been the one thats centre of jokes all the time .

feeling stupid around a group of people .

i also seem to get angry and defensive when people joke about me sometimes . i think its because it seems when your quiet people jump on you type thing and it seems people see this vulnerability and worm there way into that crack .



I think its this vulnerabilty that makes me panicky , like not knowing what to do in these situations .
ive seen how easy people can become like the mock of the group type thing and this makes me hold back and not truly be myself .


i get nervous about looking stupid , been treated like a kid , feeling like nothing (ie. when you talk and doesnt seem to have no effect and doesnt seem to get anyone interested and people ignore what you say or dont acknowledge you .
i dont like the thought of been boring .
been mocked and made out to be a fool .
ive found im alot more serious because from my perspective maybe my perspective is wrong but i think that when i start been funny and abit silly people like start to not take me seriously and i feel like a joke .

im scared of the thought of having a gf and not been able to like protect her
i also dont like it when im with someone and they seem to get along with another guy so much better . it makes me feel like weak annoyed and like makes me think why would someone want to be with me .


i dont like it when people are really loud or in your face makes me really angry or makes me feel like vulnerable .

i have noticed that i worry also that people dont like me or that i do something to upset someone or do something where people will really think im awful or something .





i found it important to see it on the site because i noticed these are some of my most intimate fears and i feel deep shame about it , so i feel its about time i give them a look and faced them .

[absentia]

Typical thoughts from the socially anxious. The problem is we are so negative in our thinking and we only got this bad through negative thoughts of self-doubt, so logically the only way to deal with these problems is to tackle them with positive thoughts, which is very hard to do when negative thinking is a habit. My doctor once told me that it can all be part of a genetic personality. I have always been shy and needed time to myself, so naturally it appears I am an introvert, like my mother. Apparently you are also born either an optimist or a pessimist and I have no doubt that I am a pessimist in my attitude and way of thinking. You can't change your personality, but you can change your way of thinking and learn to cope and live with your problems and the only answer is positive thinking, which is the only way you can build your confidence. Good luck and be kind to yourself.

[BritTutor]

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[johnno]

yes it is the negative thinking i guess but i think its just realising that these thoughts arent true . i think we build up so much of a story it seems like its solid truth . that that is what actually is happening but i think when we look at our thoughts we realise that they not so truthful after all . i dont think people are born pessimistic i think that comes with experience , upbringing , environment , attitude , loads of different things . but the think its important to realise that no one thought can we rely on as to say who we are . thoughts are only powerful when we believe them . its like if someone says to you i think your fat and you believe you clearly not fat then the words dont effect you but if someone says like your ugly and you believe yourself to be ugly , it can be devastating to us !

[Springsteen10]

Interesting reading. I recognise a lot of what you're writing about about as a part of myself, too.

Oddly enough, there are other days when I'm on top of the world and love being the "star of the show". Strange stuff.

[johnno]

yeah i think its easy to cover these and when things are going well its easy to forget them but even been in a group where everyone is rowdy and laughing can freak me out , its madness lol