ive recently noticed the things i deeply fear and just thought id write them to see it out there in the open to take a look at .
it seems all my fears are based around feeling vulnerable around people .
here are some situations i feel panicy soon as i think about it :
been with a group of people and been the one thats centre of jokes all the time .
feeling stupid around a group of people .
i also seem to get angry and defensive when people joke about me sometimes . i think its because it seems when your quiet people jump on you type thing and it seems people see this vulnerability and worm there way into that crack .
I think its this vulnerabilty that makes me panicky , like not knowing what to do in these situations .
ive seen how easy people can become like the mock of the group type thing and this makes me hold back and not truly be myself .
i get nervous about looking stupid , been treated like a kid , feeling like nothing (ie. when you talk and doesnt seem to have no effect and doesnt seem to get anyone interested and people ignore what you say or dont acknowledge you .
i dont like the thought of been boring .
been mocked and made out to be a fool .
ive found im alot more serious because from my perspective maybe my perspective is wrong but i think that when i start been funny and abit silly people like start to not take me seriously and i feel like a joke .
im scared of the thought of having a gf and not been able to like protect her
i also dont like it when im with someone and they seem to get along with another guy so much better . it makes me feel like weak annoyed and like makes me think why would someone want to be with me .
i dont like it when people are really loud or in your face makes me really angry or makes me feel like vulnerable .
i have noticed that i worry also that people dont like me or that i do something to upset someone or do something where people will really think im awful or something .
i found it important to see it on the site because i noticed these are some of my most intimate fears and i feel deep shame about it , so i feel its about time i give them a look and faced them .