The other evening I got invited to the cinema for tomorrow. I immediately said yes because I would love to go and haven't been to a cinema for years. So far so good BUT since accepting the invite the anxieties are now starting to build up. Why aren't I normal - why can't I just get my glad rags on and look forward to an evening out. Instead - as the day is getting nearer I am feeling jittery. What's the cinema going to be like - will it be claustrophobic? Will I feel like trapped in there and panic and want to run out. How can I do that - I will be with a stranger, will I leave him sitting there - how will I get home, get a taxi. By then panic will be off the richter scale. The thought of getting in his car and just setting off down the road makes me feel edgy just sitting here and thinking about it. I will probably want to to get out of the car before the engine is started. When I get in the car I have to open the door and check that it isn't a central locking thing. Not long ago I went to a meeting with my boss and i was already in a bad state, we drove into an hotel car park and as he pulled up and stopped the engine his mobile rang. The car door wouldn't open - the windows wouldn't open and he was talking on his mobile. By then I was behaving like a mad woman, screaming and crying to get out. He was so apologetic - I think he thought I had lost my mind. I trembled all the rest of the day through the meeting. We've just moved to new office premises quite recently and the system is push buttons and codes to get out. We had to meet with a design specialist to discuss fixtures and fittings. We met in the car park of this place and suddenly I refused to go into the building. Both the boss and this guy stood there staring at me and wondering what on earth I was on. Just the thought of going into the offices and being unable to get out. I ran to my car and sat there trembling and crying - the poor bloke looked stunned and my boss didn't know what to do. So many bad memories of these scary things which put me off doing things twice. I daren't go into shopping malls unless I have a map with all the emergency exits on. It isn't always like this - at the moment I am quite sane - some of the things I am mentioning here are my worst nightmares. My husband died quite recently - I've cared for him while he has been seriously ill for a long time as well as working full time. When he's been in hospital I have traveled to work and then visited the hospital each night - 40 miles visiting, often sitting the laybys on the way home crying and ringing the hospital asking if they thought he would die and should I go back. When he was home I would be scared to sleep - listening for him in the next bedroom. Then scared to go into his room next morning in case he had died. Then he was on dialysis and I had to set the machine up each night when I got in from work, he would be on it until 5.00 am next morning and then I would have to record all the information from it before switching it all off and going to work. Before that he was waiting for a heart transplant - we had to have a bag packed in case a donor organ came along. I had to be able to get home from work in 30 minutes if he got a call. I would constantly be looking out of the office window to ensure no one parked behind me blocking me in, and if they did I would be out in the car park doing a riot act. He would ring me at work telling me he was stuck on the stair lift which would break down, he had no use in his legs - off I would go - driving home like a mad woman, ringing the stair lift people giving them a piece of my mind. Eventually I got to the point that driving scared me so much - as soon as I saw the cars in front start to jam up, an accident ahead or anything and I would be gasping for air. Some times I would see the traffic at either side of me and just want to - and even consider getting out of the car and leaving it right there. The supermarket - abandoning my trolley in the middle of the aisle, and I've done that - run to a check out telling anyone w