Genie,
You made me cry. In a really good way. Thank you :hug: It's such an huge relief to know that I'm not the only one who feels similarly. And you have a much more coherent grip on the whys of the anxiety. What you said made lots of sense, about the fear being the trap, not the baby.
Oh, and you're braver than I am- I didn't even look at the first scan! Eugh. I have another next week which is at least a week late because I refuse to go without my boyfriend.
I've started CBT too, because I don't want to teach the young'un to be this nutty and I want to be able to deal with bad days. Courtesy of being a bit of a mess yesterday, they're 'fast-tracking' me for more intensive sessions, which works for me as it seemed to be going painfully slowly.
And yes, I have various friends to whom I can let off steam, thankfully. And the boyfriend is very patient, understands that I would much rather not feel this way. So I'm lucky, I know that but when you feel as though 'everyone else' enjoys this and you're somehow defective for not doing so, it can add to the pressure. We're in this together though, eh?