Do you ever feel like you're faking?

[hktzed]

Do you ever feel like you have to 'fake' being normal? Doing normal stuff like going to the shops or the movies, going to work or to visit family seem to require hoisting up some sort of mask for me. I find it very hard and very tiring to be around 'normal people' and to prevent myself from freaking out, or having panic attacks and flashbacks. Should I just stop going out?

I'd appreciate any advice here.

Hazel x

[Dolly_Mixture]

I'm so glad you wrote this because I know exactly how you feel- especially when it comes to family visits or work socialising or parties. I've asked other people this before but no one else could really relate. There is a band called The Melting Ice Caps who sum this up beautifully in their song How To Appear Well- Adjusted. This song is lovely and always makes me feel better and not so alone!

[myiguanodon]

I think of it as my front. I've always done this with all but my closest friends, parents or partner. I also find being in social situations with people draining.

I always just thought of that as normal, I'd just assumed everyone does it. Though since I've been off I've tried to avoid seeing all but the above as much as possible, as I just don't feel like I have the mental energy to put up my front.

[Dolly_Mixture]

I know what you mean- I've had this week off work and spent the whole time relaxing at home and not seeing or talking to anyone (except my flatmate!). I feel a bit more recharged now. I'm starting a voluntary placement tomorrow afternoon so hopefully I'll be ok and appear "normal" instead of weird

[onceagain]

Life can be difficult and most people in the world carry more than more than one face, and more than one role... I think that anxious folk feel for everyone and then are labelled for this... we are NORMAL with our daily lives and worries with just a little more luggage to carry.... I agree that there is not a normal as such and as the saying goes wouldnt life be boring if everyone was the same... each holds their own individual qualities, beliefs and values.... don't be too hard on yourself... we are individuals with our own personalities .... society has a different slant from many years ago it has become very materialistic and almost false ... be proud that you have the quality of being sensitive to things around you .... it is a trait that should be valued ... x

[GlasgowGuy]

Every day of my life I feel I'm faking I'm better than I am. So glad to read this post. Think cause I know my health has caused my parents a lot of worry sometimes I'll force myself to say or do stuff just to make them happier or ease the worry.

[Erin27]

I know exactly what you mean about hiding things from your parents.... I feel my parents, esp. my Mum, are constantly riddled with worry about me and I feel so guilty all the time as I wish I could be different and not cause people so much stress and concern....

... But at the end of the day, you're doing everything you can to feel better and sometimes putting on a front at certain times can help because for a short while you can forget just how bad you're feeling and it can bring you out of yourself now and again....

.... But believe me, I know how hard it is and sometimes it can feel exhausting!!

[cblack6]

All the time..
Im so happy that someone brought this up, because i feel like this nearly all the time...
Most of the time, i act like a totally different person, and try to be 'normal' and be able to go out and to other places, but to make my friends think that im 'normal'. But someonetimes, you start to loose who you really are.

[KevsHoping]

I am learning so much from this forum. I wish I found it ages ago. I relate to this. I never go out and socialise. Holidays are so hard. I used to live in Corfu and every time I go back there there are so many people who want to have dinner etc. Love the company with hindsight but PANIC when a plan is made.

I also panic when a family member/friend is due round. I look out of the window, fidget and twitch until they arrive and can concentrate on absolutely nothing.

Then, when the doorbell rings apart from a feeling of sheer dread and wondering why I didn't make an excuse as to why I could not do with a visit (I wonder how many lies I have told in the past? Thousands I guess), I put on my actor's mask. I too am a good actor. I remember at school I was always cast the lead part in all the plays in drama class.

I didn't even realise/acknowledge that I do this until reading this post - mind you I have been denying a lot for a long time. I think a good idea for me would be to secretly record the visit and see what complete "cr*p" I come out with - I don't advise this and don't think it would help - just thinking out loud - sorry!

Mum is due round tomorrow night and I am absolutely, 100% dreading it. How BAD is that? I have had what feels like millions of anx thoughts and things since last night when she rang and told me she was coming over. I am off work and this Mum visit has been the main crux of problems for me today. That is SAD.

Hopefully my new change in perspective this week - getting a diagnosis, getting on medication (only on day 2!) and finding this forum will help me and I hope that others can find the positiveness I seem to be doing in the last 24 hours or so.

Early days and I am being realistic but you guys help SOOOO MUCH.

Thanks all

Kevxxx

[PanchoGoz]

I think this is similar to the feeling of being the only real person on earth and everyone else is robots. You feel like you're different to everyone else because you are you, and everthing you do is different to "normal". Well everyone on earth feels like this thankfully.