Travel phobia/panic attacks killing my dreams :(

[~glowly worm~]

Hello

i have been trying desperately to fight this alone staying positive and thinking positive and even pretending to all around me that evertying is better than it is.
Well..it isnt :/ and if anyone could pelase offer support or advice i'd be very grateful.

..i dont know where to begin.. my story is a long one so i'll give you how it is now.

*First the motorway phobia came - cant go on motorways.

* Then i had a gigantic panic attack on a train (a kind stranger had to sit with me the whole 10 hour journey after delays etc because i ended up screaming on the floor for help which has never ever happened in public before - so cant go on those anymore).

* I passed my driving test after years of on and off lessons due to the illness. Had it for a few months, had to give it in for medical reasons and when i got it back can no longer drive without panic.

This is problematic as

* my hometown is 300 miles from where i go to uni so my mum has to accompany me when i go back for hols (in late 20s this is not what i want!) and it takes 12 hours by A roads.

* i have a pt job very important to me which is about 50 miles away and its getting to the point where im thinking of having to quit.

* the only therapy available to me over the holidays is based 1 1/2 hours away so i've missed 3 sessions in a row and am due to go today (terrified) ..

*Almost all my friends live miles from me

* to add to things now have something wrong with my ears, making me feel constantly ill/ dizzy/ unreal/ hot and cold and they say they cant fix it before returning to uni this makes travelling even more scary as i also have health anxiety.

* This has meant if i go out in public i feel ill instantly. I have fought this but still havent been into the city (which i have to do today if im to get to therapy!)

I have been trying the following:

*Avoiding avoidance When i have to go somewhere, going despite how i feel. I got almost 20 mins before my destination (about 40 mins on train) last time when the train became too packed for me to manage and i had to get off and go home, since then havent been on train.
(didnt realise also had ear prob then either so that wouldnt be helping!!)
This works mostly, however the ear problems are now making it nearly impossible especially with driving.

* mindfulness- observing my surroundings, taste of sweets sips of water

* distraction- music, reading, imagination, daydeaming

* self CBT - recorrecting my thoughts '(This is just panic, i'm ok its natural to feel anxious but i an get off at the next stop if i need to)

But none of it works anymore i'm now so afraid -im begnning to feel i'll never be able to crack this.

Hope this ramble made some sense and there is some form of light at the end of the non accessible tunnel

Many, many thanks xxx

[Vixxy]

Hi the main thing I notice is your self CBT. The statements you tell yourself may not be powerful enough for you to believe them.
Pick one of your fears and write down everything that scares you about it. Like this,
I am afraid of XXXX because I feel like I might XXXX, which will lead to a really bad anxiety attack. I feel like the anxiety wont stop. etc
Then put a circle or underline every important "fact". You then need to go to each circled statement and think of an alternative belief for it. Once youve got one for each of the circles you can build it into a new alternative thought.
Dont be afraid to get really in depth and long winded with your new thought. It works better if its got substance.

[Vixxy]

Aswell as the new alterative thought I think it would help you if you take baby steps. It sounds to me like youre throwing yourself in at the deep end and expecting it to be a bad experience.
Ive just got over a fear of going on the motorway myself. I had a massive panic attack nearly 2 years ago and since then I had avoided going on any big roads that didnt have an escape route. Motorways were my all time worst and i point blank refused to go on one! Even though the journey could take 45mins, i would take the A and B roads and double the travel time!
After avoiding motorways for 2 years I have now travelled the whole distance that i needed to along the M27 and the M3. To get to that stage i did the following. I know you can do this too
So my advice is to take small steps. Set yourself some homework of something you feel you can cope with.
Do a little research and find a stretch of motorway thats close to you that has a small distance between exits. Im lucky the bit thats closest to me has under 1 mile to the next exit.
So you guessed it. Now you need to go on the motorway just for 1 exit. Itll be over before you know it! Then you can come home and pat yourself on the back for a job well done! Itll probably make you feel crappy, youll be anxious and jumpy BUT YOU DID IT! Even if you didnt make it on the motorway but got as far as the slip road thats something.
So now all you need to do it keep repeating it. Every day (and you do need to do it every day) go to the motorway for one stop and then come back again. Keep on doing it until you feel ok and then go to the next exit or maybe 2 if youre brave.

It took me less than 2 weeks to go from "NO IM NOT GOING ON A MOTORWAY EVER AGAIN!!!!!" to actually driving the distance i needed to on it with no quibbles. Yes i was still anxious about it, but i did it. And ive done it 3 times since then!

[Vixxy]

Oh and make sure you reward yourself for doing well. A bar of chocolate or the promise of something new once youve acheived a goal will help to motivate you.

[~glowly worm~]

Hi Vixxy,

what an incredible relief to read your post

It means so much to not only have advice from someone who knows and also a bit of evidence that it can be cracked and i have maybe been going about it the wrong way.
I will be sure to put in place the things you have suggested and begin by being able to drive on normal roads first. Once i can do that with no panic the motorway challenge will commence I'm stil terrfied, however its worth giving it everything rather than live so restricted.
And yes, every day x By the way, did you have passengers or go it alone?

Really well done on your achievements, i hope your rewards are great!
Will keep you posted with progress.

Many thanks indeed for the time and energy you put into the reply.

Warmly,

~Glowly~

[Vixxy]

Hi again.
I was in the same position as you are about 2 months ago. I was barely leaving the house and would only drive around the village i live in.
As soon as I came to any roads that had a lot of traffic I would start to panic, and then turn around and come home again.
So i decided to go to the Tesco store thats about a 10 minute drive away(this was also about me walking around the store aswell). It was very very hard, but i did it. I kept on going until it just felt normal to go there.Once i had that under my belt i picked another destination and tried that out.
Dont push yourself to do anything too big to begin with. This is all about building confidence in your ability to do it!
If you do it once a day youll eventually get used to it. If you do it twice a day then itll become the norm faster. Its amazing how quickly your body will become aware that nothing bad is actually going to happen to you. Your confidence will go through the roof once youve cracked that first place
Try to keep a note on how you felt when you did it. I take a pen and paper and write down any of the "naughty" thoughts that pop into my head, so that i can CBT them afterwards. Dont write whilst driving though lol!
As for how i did it. I was alone. Since that panic attack in the car 2 years ago i rarely drive with anyone in the car with me. Its my next thing to overcome actually
Have you decided where you want to try and go to first?

[~glowly worm~]

Hi again Vixxy

I have some encouraging news to report
Yesterday i made it to my workplace!!!

...it was on the bus because i realised im not ready to get there by car yet, however i woke up feeling really ill and had had an awful nights sleep. My eyes hurt, my head hurt and my neck felt even worse but remembered everyone's advice and your encouraging story and decided to go anyway.

To cut a long story short, not only did i make the first bus journey (40 mins) but... the second (2 hours long!), then did the things i needed to do when i arrived AND by the journey back i felt barely any panic! It was that fast!!
It was exhausting though and took constant redirecting of the thoughts including non stop internal description of my surroundings (eg; colour and size and shape and texture of seats, peoples cloths, buildins, fields etc..) but i coped!

And you're right!! I'm almost looking forward to doing it again next week!
However I'm focusing on driving until then wiht the aim of getting to my therapy session next tuesay in a town about an hour from here

So today the plan is...

To drive past the place where i drove home in a panic last time.. (about 20 mins) and get to Asda (10 mins more) then... if i cope with that and feel i can.. on to the charity shop to drop some things of.. down a busier stretch of road for another 15 minutes. Then I'll go home as it will probably be enough, but shall see.. if i feel its enough and i feel good, I'll call it a day.

Have already identified some key thoughts i get that hold me back and how keeping my breathing slow and calm and continually doing the internal distractions helps.. as does (when on the bus) planning/deciding on that reward

So..here goes..*gulps*

And many many thanks..its so good to have someone to share the journey 'in another respect ' with.

I wish you every success in cracking the next step of your double edged journey

Have you a plan on how to begin with it? I'm sure it will be tough but have no doubt at all you can do it..please do keep me/us posted!

And thankyou...

Warm hugs... ~Glowly~

[Vixxy]

Good for you! That was a bit of an epic journey for you
It sounds like youve had a shift in the way you think and youre now seeing the positives in your life and knowing you can do it! Give it a few weeks and youll be going out all over the place
As for me, i plan to go out in the car with my husband. Just down to the front of the village I live in and see how it goes. Im sure itll be fine and ill realise that ive been putting it off when i didnt need too!
Keep up the good work!

[~glowly worm~]

Hey Vixxy,

I sure hope so, it is definitely shifting faster than i thought it could.
I think because of refusing to believe it cant anymore altho its taking a while for it to shift but that must be natural.

Sounds like an excellent idea of yours to get to the village with your husband! I'm sure it will go well for you have every confidence you can do it! As your signature says... day by day (mile by mile?!)
Have you a date/time planned for this? Eager to follow your progress
Will be thinkiing of you!

Yours excitedly!

~glowly~

[~glowly worm~]

Hi Vixxy,

just another update! (hope don't mind)

Managed yesterdays goals

Got past the point where i had to turn round last time and only stopped very briefly this time on the way there!!!

Then made it to Asda!!! had a quick look round, then on to the charity shops (a crazy road that one! :/)

On way to the next place (anothr supermarket) a driver cut me up, i missed an exit and it freaked me out a bit, but this time rather than feeling panicky i was more worried about being lost and causing an accident! So that to me is progress If terrifying!

From there decided not to go back to the supermarket on the busy road instead i headed back home (the traffic was getting heavier by then) and went to the local one.

managed the shopping, but got anxious & kept muddling my gears so stopped for a snack and decided i needed to keep going for a short drive to overcome the panic and not undo the work. So dropped some things off to the tip and went to Asda again! The back home for a much needed rest as the shakiness was starting to set in.

Todays challenge i am quite scared about as im headed to a friend's in the city *gulp* . However seem to have found the best time to drive (quieter) for now, (11-3pm) so must get cracking now..*gulps*

But thankyou and i do hope today is treating you kindly

Warmly,

~ glowly ~