Despair

[onceagain]

Feeling so upset and knotty tonight.. still at work and trying hard to hold it all together ... feel like its mount everest after mount everest and I have a couple of days where I think okay its all going well only for someone to put a dampers on my improvement...

Been 3 months now without meds and wish sometimes I had not stopped.. I seem to work so hard but feels like I'm the only one sometimes...

Sorry x

[agnes]

It sounds to me, sharon, that you have done really well. I know you're feeling upset now, but this could be a short blip in a wealth of progress?

[ElizabethJane]

Dear Sharon I'm just popping in to offer you some support. Well done for continuing your fight against anxiety and depression without meds. You are not alone. There is a whole network of people here willing to offer support. I know what it is like when you are at work and you cannot relax. I have a colleague who struggles with her work and I have to help her every inch of the way. So I can't relax and it is stressful as I have my own work to do. I still take my meds but you have chosen not to and that is very commendable. Are you still continuing with the therapy/CBT? Take care. I'm thinking of you. EJ.

[onceagain]

I hope so Agnes I truly do... it is nearing the time that all hell broke loose last time so it feels like I am on red alert so tearful and worrying constantly... I have a couple of good days and think I have it licked ... seems like I cannot have a worry or thought without world war breaking out so that doesn't help... I long for support and reassurance.. this isn't easy to live with but by god I know that things don't have to be so bad if the whole unit pulled together on getting better...

stomach in knots and honestly haven't done well at all I am back to the leg shaking...stomach knotting and dark thoughts ... I cry on a regular basis and yet so try to hold it together... but the thought of going back there of the things happening again ... makes me want to curl up and disappear despite how much I love my family...

I have found some lovely friends on here that give me that support thank goodness but I am terrified that one day that simply won't be enough... x

[onceagain]

Hi EJ

Yes have stayed with therapy but honestly don't know what the point is... since May I have seen him 3times ... I then don't know when my next appointment is and he has cancelled a few times... I truly want to beat this but it is a year on and I don't feel any improvements to how I hit this forum last year... my stomach and heart are constantly being swallowed back down from being held in my mouth..

I'm still at the stage where it feels that my feelings don't account for a lot and I just want to scream and run away.. with nowhere to go, I'm sleeping less and less again and my dreams are vivid as are my thoughts ... not my imagination.. my thoughts ... my worries are real and imaginary and I just don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore x

Thank you so much ... you are a merit to us all x

[ElizabethJane]

Dear Sharon. I think that you need to talk to your therapist about these dark thoughts. Crying and feeling that things are falling apart in my mind are a warning that all is not well with you whether it is at work or with your family. A chat with your GP would be a good idea too? You could tell him that you feel that you have come a long way but at the moment you feel as if you are falling apart. Acknowledging the feelings is part of the way to dealing with them. I hope you feel better soon. EJ.

[ElizabethJane]

Sorry I missed your post. I have experienced everything that you say you are experiencing and these are warnings to us that we might be becoming ill again. I deal with my depressive illness by seeing my GP once a month. I see a psychiatrist privately on an as and when basis. I am also having hypnotherapy from a different GP. I am on meds. I am not any different from you. When I am ill I experience the crying, poor sleep, low mood. After meds I talk to people (loads) but it is the last thing that I want to do. The trouble for me becomes when I cannot decide what is truth and what is fantasy. You can get well again from this Sharon. Can you get an appointment to see your counsellor?

[onceagain]

Thank you EJ

I will call the doctor tomorrow to get an appointment it has crossed my mind and I mentioned it at home the other day but it was brushed off so I didn't call them today .. but you are right the warning signs are there screaming out at me in fact ... thank you x

like the lyrics I'm not asking I'm screaming at the top of my voice...