School phobia and I have first day at college tomorrow

[Lauren_T]

Riiight so today has been VERY difficult. I'll give a brief roundup of how I got to now and then I'll explain why I'm nervous about tomorrow.

I was bullied in primary school and I believe the main fault of how bad it got was down to the teachers who would not accept that I was being verbally and physically abused every day of my primary school from year 2 - year 6 and they wouldn't tell my parents until I ended up in an emergency dentist in my last year.
I left school and went into secondary school in September 2006 with a very bad frame of mind and I lasted about 4-5 weeks at the very most before I couldn't take any more, it was a huge building, I would have panic attacks and cry, both of which would make me sleep from about 9:30am - 3pm and then I was off school for a year and a half.
I then was reffered to a 'hospital school' that had a max of 4 people there every day which I attended from Jan 08 til this year and got exam results that I could have done because they decided to make me go to college on this fine art course which I really couldn't do due to the big building and I had panic attacks / crying all over again.

I'm starting the same college tomorrow as its the start of three induction days. I really hate icebreakers as I'm really shy as well and generally avoid those kind of situations.
The layout of it has changed and now I feel like I'm back to square one which is what I've been worrying, hysterically crying and panicking about all day. Another thing is, is that there will be a lot more people than I'm used to (17 in the class not including the tutor) and I can't really look at people in the eye or talk to them at school / college when I first meet them as I'd rather sit at the back of the classroom and get on with my work. I always feel like everyone is staring at me because I've put on weight over the summer and lack of excercise shows it and I blush whenever someone looks or says something to me as well.

I feel ok now, perhaps a bit anxious, but until I wake up in the morning theres no way of telling how I will be. So if anyone has any tips I will be more than grateful.

[eternally optimistic]

Oh bless, Lauren, you havent had a good time.

I POSTED A REPLY TO YOUR EARLIER POST BUT MY PC CRASHED SO, I AM REPLYING TO THIS POST.

Firstly, see this as a new start, new people, new opportunity. I DO know that sometimes it is easier said than done.

I have just asked my 16 year old son what advice he would give you about your induction and he said "remember that you are not alone and everyone is in the same boat".

Even though you might feel people are staring at you, I am sure they wont be.
All of the new entrants will be feeling uncomfortable one way or another - even the ones that you may aspire to be like.

If there is one thing I have learnt about my own anxiety is that alot of "confident" people have many many issues about one thing and another.

You might find your college has a good support network and may help you through your early days.

Take one day at a time and dont put any pressure on yourself.

I will be thinking of you and good luck.

[radougalkins]

I feel ok now, perhaps a bit anxious, but until I wake up in the morning theres no way of telling how I will be.

I can't even begin to count how many times that has been me. It's one of the worst things. You go to bed feeling fine and then wake up and it hits you. What you wrote reminds me a bit of myself, the day before I started University. I screwed up though and let my anxiety ruin things, but I did make a couple of good friends so it wasn't so bad.

I know you say you hate icebreakers but if whatever course it is you're on the people there will have similiar interests to you. You could maybe ask what sort of music they like, or whether they had a good summer. Try to avoid what you would rather do, instead do the opposite.

Rather than sit at the back, make a conscious decision not to, maybe wait for a couple of others to sit down somewhere and sit with them and say hello. As Jay anns son says, they're in the same boat as you so they're probably as nervous as you are! None of you know what the day is going to bring so people won't mind if you are a little shy, most will be!

Hope your day goes well for you

xx

[Lauren_T]

Right so I went in ok, I overslept so I guess I didn't have much time to worry about anything. But I got into the main reception, had a mild panic attack there and then due to that it was practically organised chaos but then I saw someone I knew from the 'hospital school' so I stood with her until she had to go to her course and then at 10 I met my new class and then we had a tour around the new buliding which was really quite dominating, she showed us a stair case that apparently is really quiet so I guess I'll be using that from now on. I felt really dizzy and sick all the way round and then I nearly fell down the stairs, she kept asking if I was alright, I kept saying yeah but I did feel really bad.
We did an icebreaker at 1 which I really hated, I did take my natural position of in the corner at the back of the room but my tutor like made me talk to people which was really uncomfortable, and I didn't really talk to anyone after that. I sat on my own at lunch, but then I went to look for the gym because I thought it would be a nice release and it turns out its not that much to join. I then went to see Mark who I met last year as he put an advert on the college forum for this magazine which I joined to try and keep my mind off things andhe said that I could go up to see him if I had any problems.

But yeah today was ok, if not for some minor blips but tomorrow will hopefully be better.

[PanchoGoz]

Hey Lauren, I started college last wednesday and it was scary at first with all these tall people everywhere but now I love it. College is SOOO different from school. If you want to just go, then you can go. It doesn't matter. I have to travel for 1 hour on a bus and cycle a mile to the bus stop and I thought that would be awful but I adapted. What I'm saying, is you should adapt to the new environment if you let yourself. It will be fine after a week, trust me! Let us know how you're getting on after a few days.

[eeyorelover]

You should be SO proud of yourself!!
YOU MADE IT THRU even tho you were scared and anxious!
Believe me it will get easier!!
I'm so VERY VERY proud of you for conquering your fear!
xxx
Sandy

[Bellakins]

I'm so glad it went ok after all! You did really well to make it through the day, I hope you are proud of yourself. Keep trying, focus on the fact you CAN do this. Hopefully you'll make some friends as you settle in. I went back to uni last year after two years off ill. It took me over half a year, but I finally got talking to people and have now made two AMAZING new friends! x

[eternally optimistic]

Excellent news, Lauren.

Sounds like a successful day to me, you should be proud of yourself.

[paula lynne]

Well done Lauren, you did it. It will get easier as you become familiar with the building and new people. You should be proud of yourself! x

[Lauren_T]

I didn't make it in today