Riiight so today has been VERY difficult. I'll give a brief roundup of how I got to now and then I'll explain why I'm nervous about tomorrow.
I was bullied in primary school and I believe the main fault of how bad it got was down to the teachers who would not accept that I was being verbally and physically abused every day of my primary school from year 2 - year 6 and they wouldn't tell my parents until I ended up in an emergency dentist in my last year.
I left school and went into secondary school in September 2006 with a very bad frame of mind and I lasted about 4-5 weeks at the very most before I couldn't take any more, it was a huge building, I would have panic attacks and cry, both of which would make me sleep from about 9:30am - 3pm and then I was off school for a year and a half.
I then was reffered to a 'hospital school' that had a max of 4 people there every day which I attended from Jan 08 til this year and got exam results that I could have done because they decided to make me go to college on this fine art course which I really couldn't do due to the big building and I had panic attacks / crying all over again.
I'm starting the same college tomorrow as its the start of three induction days. I really hate icebreakers as I'm really shy as well and generally avoid those kind of situations.
The layout of it has changed and now I feel like I'm back to square one which is what I've been worrying, hysterically crying and panicking about all day. Another thing is, is that there will be a lot more people than I'm used to (17 in the class not including the tutor) and I can't really look at people in the eye or talk to them at school / college when I first meet them as I'd rather sit at the back of the classroom and get on with my work. I always feel like everyone is staring at me because I've put on weight over the summer and lack of excercise shows it and I blush whenever someone looks or says something to me as well.
I feel ok now, perhaps a bit anxious, but until I wake up in the morning theres no way of telling how I will be. So if anyone has any tips I will be more than grateful.