Hi all Im a Newbie

[strawberribex]

Hi all, Im not brilliant in using forums as I always get lost or post incorrectly, but I will try.

I have found this site after trawling the internet looking for someone who has been through the same as me or as near as possible. I cant specifically find anything but I am hoping this will be a new place for me to come to express my fears.

20 years ago I lost my son Ryan to Cot death. I was a single parent and found him dead, I was on my own.

2 yrs later I gave birth to a little girl who is now 17 nearly 18 and I found that although I had some anxiety it wasnt so much as she didnt look like my son and also statistically girls are not so at risk. This made it easier.

I have just had another little boy he is 8 weeks old he is beautfiul and healthy and I adore him. However, he reminds me of my son as he looks more like my side of the family as he did, I am alone with him again a single parent and how to explain.

I look lovingly at my boy and my previous son seems to merge in there somehow. When he is awake I want to play with him and spent quality time, but when he is asleep im finding myself not really leaving the room for more than a few mins in the day, even though he has a monitor and alarm attached. I dont go far just in case I cant hear the monitor. I am getting nothing done at all even during the day. My anxiety levels are off the scale, I am having some flashbacks, I keep expecting to find my son in that state. Negative thoughts seem to overwhelm my mind. I feel guilty about the negative thoughts in case I am wishing bad things on him. even though i dont want to think these things the thoughts are overwhelming sometimes and I cant seem to stop them.

I am under the doctor and also a special programme for the care of the next infant, I am seeking therapy also, so have come here for support hopefully until such a time as these feelings go.

Has anyone else had a similar experience and how do you cope?

So hello everyone and I hope you are well.

[diane07]

Hi strawberribex

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[paula lynne]

Hi and a big welcome youve been through some very traumatic times, Im sure you will find lots of love and support here. Congrats on the birth of your little boy. xx

[strawberribex]

Thanks Paula & Diane. Nice to get some welcome and I hope to have a great relationship with people on here and hopefully can work through my feelings knowing Im in safe hands.

[mcclan]

hi strawberribe just read thru your forum and i understand they way you feel about things because of what happened and something like will pop into your mind because you have to look after your young un but as you know there is ppl here to talk things thru to try n give you the best guidence we can to make you feel more comfortable. im sure things will get better for ya as time goes on so hang in there gal yuo be fine

[Vanilla Sky]

Hi and welcome to NMP
Paige x

[Kerry B]

Hi and welcome to this site I hope you find it as useful as I have found it, its been a life saver to me and met good friends along the way

[Bellakins]

Welcome!

I'm so sorry to hear about you first son, I can understand your fears for your new little boy.

I haven't had a similar experience, but I'm thinking of you and sending you hugs x