I get the feeling people just dont like me...

[MancsBest]

Basically as it says in the title. Up until about 18. My looks started deteriorating. I started balding and I had mad skin problems. Now Im 22 and my hair has thinned a lot and has receded. My skin has a lot of scars due to my acne. It is not as bad as it sounds but...its there. Anyway I spent a lot of my teens depressed and anxious because of this I have never had a normal life.

It seems as though people just want to avoid me all the time. For example it always feels as though I ma making an effort to talk to them and If i don't make this effort none talks to me. I hate having to make the effort ALL the time. All the attractive/normal people have all the people sucking up to them and everything. For example at work everyone invites each other out, speaks to each other a lot, invites each other to lunch...not me. I smile, I am fairly confident, I am nice to people but still people don't seem to want to be my friend or hang out with me.

Even in public, noone even looks at me. I feel invisible. None smiles at me or says 'hello'...but they do it to everyone else especially the good looking people. For example in shops the cashier never seems to look at me in the eye like im a monster or something BUT is really nice to the people in front of me.

Same goes with girls. I have never had a girlfriend because of this. Girls have never fancied me. My social life is non-existent. I don't get invited to parties or nights out. I have never been to a house party. My uni life was just sheer loneliness.

I am starting to hate life right now. I feel like I have been banished from society like I am a leper or something. It is a horrible, horrible feeling. I just feel like ending it all sometimes (but I wont obv)...

[Jannie2948]

Oh dear my heart broke for you when I read this, you sound so very sad. I am a lot older than you but I can still remember those feelings, I had a 'beautiful' sister and then there was Jannie, oh but she's bright!!! I hate it that people are judged on the way they look and how beautiful, slim, tall, handsome they are! I now really really like myself, I think I am funny, I get on well with people and I think I make friends easily. I first had to start to like myself and not be worried about what other people thought of me. I know it's hard but its all to do with confidence and I was never very confident when I was younger. Like you, I thought that everyone liked everyone else around me but not me! You have to try and put yourself forward, I used to stand back and wait for everyone to talk to me or come to me, but sadly this doesn't happen so you have to put yourself forward. I am now obviously a lot older than you but I am very happy and confident and I am sure you will get there but don't wait until you are older, try and get involved now, I know it is hard but you will get there the more you practice it, you will always get people that won't talk to you, and I say it's there loss but you must go for it and give it a try. Why don't you say to people "coming out for lunch today" and see how it goes, it will be hard but give it a go.
I wish you all the very best and I promise it will get better.
Jannie x x

[WillyB]

I feel the same, i do have a mild social life, but im always convinced my friends hate me at times or think im big and think im better than everyone else, which is far from the truth as i have always considered myself inferior and a tag along. I dont even cross the road until my friend does. I have lots of trouble communicating with people and always find its me that has to start talking first, then i get paranoid that they think im an idiot and just want me to leave. I also get very self concious about a gap in my teeth so i never look at people when im talking to them.

I dont know what advice to give you, as im sort of in the same boat.

[PanchoGoz]

The people who are ignored tend to be the people who don't realise it. Don't worry, its all about self esteem. How about, indulge yourself a bit - have a makeover or something, organise to go out with someone - be bold!

[Maj]

Gosh my heart was breaking as I read this thread. You sound really low and sad and this is making you having an inferiority complex - I know, I've been there! It sounds corny, but anyone with any compassion or sense would realise that there's more to someone than looks. I DON'T CARE what anyone looks like, it's what they're like as a person I'm interested in. Only shallow people want to be in with the in-crowd because they can't fly solo. Don't belittle yourself because of this. You sound very thoughtful and caring and you will meet someone sometime. You don't need to try any harder. You are who you are, simple as. Not everyone is the life and soul of the party - there needs to be a mix. If everyone were loud then who'd be able to get a word in first!! From the lunch/party point of view, why don't you say "do you mind if I come?" Maybe they think you are shy and don't actually want to go. Put yourself first for once and think about your good points because you seem such a nice guy.

[Nigel]

Hi MancsBest, and to NMP!

No doubt ‘looks’ give a person a small head start; however, it’s ultimately more about the ‘person’. Jannie’s reply makes so much sense – especially the part about ‘liking yourself’.

You sound a lot like me, but I was much older before I started to really think about it. I just thought that was the way life was and I just need to plod on and wait for something to happen. Now I’m much older and find it hard to make those changes, so well done for spotting it sooner.

People like to have a good time, and it’s surprising how much of their personality a person ‘projects’ without even saying anything. In fact they say as much as 80% of what we convey is non-verbal. So with that in mind, think about a typical night out...

Imagine the venue and yourself and all the other people there. Now see if you can drift out of yourself and drift over to the other side of the room. Now have a good look at a group of people who are having a really good time.

Take one of them that you aspire to be like and really notice everything about them. Not their words but everything else about them. The sort of ‘vibes’ they’re sending out.

Now look over at yourself and notice everything about that person and the sort of ‘vibes’ they’re sending out.

Now imagine you’ve just walked in and want to have a really good evening. Which person would you be drawn to...

Watching people that you aspire to be like is a great way to learn. And the crucial thing is to notice ‘HOW’ they do what they do.

Good luck,
Nigel

[trooper]

I feel for you reading that thread, I have had similar but different experiences. I can't really add anything that Nigel hasnt' already put very nicely.

Working on your self image in how you think about yourself is a big priority.

On a more practical note, if you're loosing your hair, you could just shave it off or cut it really short.

I know looks seem like everything but trust me, woman are less shallow than men, they go for intelligence, sensitivity, humour and confidence as well as looks alone.

Despite how you're feeling, you're still being pragmatic and you're also insightful. These are all things you can use to your advantage.

I am 33 now and I'm still single, I have had quite a lot of sexual partners but I'd trade all that in for one partner I could be with.

My experinece has been different to yours, but I have often fallen out with people and had problems in groups and suffered from anxiety and low self esteem. So I really can relate to you.

I did a lot of work on my own to overcome these things over the years.

Although, I have been seeing a psychotherapist now for a year and had massive breakthroughs in all of the issues that have affected me socially. And I wish I had done it at your age.

I'm not suggesting you have to see a therapist, but I am suggesting that you can over come the way you feel and think about yourself now. I think the fact you've found this place and been brave enough to come and share your experience is part of that process starting.