Self harm - PLEASE HELP!

[sammyxmh]

I self-harmed from the age of bieng around 11 up until about a year ago, there has been a few incidents over the last year where I have ended up cutting but for the past 6 months I have not done any and have replaced it with alcohol and other more than likely dissaproved ways of coping. A week ago I decided to give up the drink as it was becoming a problem and a couple of days ago I self-harmed again. I really dont know what to do with myself I dont want to be doing this my legs (and more than likely my liver) are ruined for life and I am so desperate to find a better way of copeing with stress. I am only 18 and I have awful scars that I know will be with me for the rest of my life and I dont want to do any more damage to myself, or more the people around me who care. If anyone has any suggestions I would really appreciate some advice ...

[ladybird64]

Hi Sammy

I'm so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time as this particularly as you are so young.

I don't have personal experience of this but I'm sure there are others here who will be able to support you..in the meantime this is a link from the advice section here on the forum, it also has some useful addresses.

take care

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/articles/selfharm

[Nigel]

Hi Sammy...
That was a very brave and honest post, and well done for recognising that it’s getting to be a bit of a problem. You’re probably already aware that it’s a way of coping with or blocking out other difficult emotions, and it also seems like you’ve discovered what doesn’t work. Simply trying to stop without tackling the underlying causes that trigger it usually isn’t very effective because the person then needs to find a new coping strategy, and sometimes that can be even more unhelpful that the old one.

Did you read that page that Ladybird recommended? It’s got some good tips you can try when you feel things getting too much. It was written by a very wise friend of mine. I’ve never self harmed myself so I can’t know what it feel like, but I do understand some of what drives it. It’s an overwhelming urge to do something, isn't it? The trouble is, the self harm, and the alcohol, and so many of these coping strategies, while helping at the time, they leave the person feeling rotten about it afterwards.

Probably a good place to start is not in trying to completely stop but to try and ‘manage’ the self harm as well as you can. Try to recognise the signs of when things are getting too much and have some plans in place for what you could do instead.

But the real long term answers lie in learning what actually drives the need to self harm, then to learn some new and better ways of coping with those old problems.

Take care
Nigel

[sammyxmh]

Thanks a lot and yep Nigel you are so right, as much as it helps at the time, it doesnt last long and the damage stays with you for life.

Thanks for the link I've found it very helpful and will keep going back to it whenever I get another urge.

[kibbutz83]

Hi, have you considered psychotherapy, although you may be a bit young. Do you have a counsellor? I would say you really should talk to someone about how you feel Not family though. x

[shotokansho]

Hi there.

I just want you to know I am going through the exact same thing. My harming only started last year and I have ruined my arms and I hate it. I feel like I can't wear t-shirts anymore because people can see what I have done. It's not like I can pass it on as something else because it is so obvious to look at. I also drink a lot, I am bordering alcoholic which is becoming a real problem for me.
At the moment I am in a rut myself so can't offer any real advice, but if you would like to chat to me more about it just PM me. Really hope things are looking brighter for you soon.

Kez xx

[JaneC]

Cognitive behavioural therapy was what allowed me to stop self-harming sammy. You should speak to your doc if you haven't already xxx

[Nigel]

Hi Sammy,

“Thanks for the link I've found it very helpful and will keep going back to it whenever I get another urge.”

That sounds like a good idea, but what I’d suggest is to go over it before actually getting another urge. Pick out a few ideas that you think could work instead – or perhaps you have one or two different ones of your own – and write them down on little post-it notes and stick them in places where you’ll see them.

You see, when that urge takes over it’s almost like being in a trance at that moment, and it’s hard to think straight until it’s passed. That’s why it really helps to have two or three things written down where you can see them.

But as I said before, self harm is really about coping with other things, and everybody needs a way to cope. So I think it would really help to have a long think about what those underlying reasons might be.

Take care
Nigel

[Anxious_gal]

have you tried therapy?
you need to find a different way of coping.
even if it's just coming on here, writing in a diary, listing to loud music, screaming, attacking your pillows, exercising.

it's hard to find a good way for expressing pain and anger. but it can really help if you can find a healthy way to expresses it so it doesn't all build up.

I hear you on the self harm, it's like you just feel so bad you'd do anything to feel even a little bit better.
In the long run your just left with scars you wish you didn't have.