My brother died of cancer 6 months ago. From when he was diagnosed until he died (which was about 6 months) I lived through it all alongside him. I have always suffered from anxiety and panic disorder and have problems with health anxiety especially so having someone so close to me going through this was very difficult.
Everything he went through, I made myself go through it with him. I felt so guilty because I knew I dreaded his death as much because I feared how I would cope with my anxiety as much as I knew I would miss him.

Anyway for six months life was hard and I was filled with anxiety and expectation. When he finally died I did actually feel some relief, that he was free of the misery and I could start living my life again.

I thought I had managed so well but I remember that I didn't cry much at the time. I just thought that I'd already done all the crying and mourning while he was ill and I accepted that I had coped and could now get on with my life.

Now six months later I've fallen to pieces. I haven't actually put it down to my brother's death because it's more about me worrying about my own symptoms, but I've noticed that I keep thinking about what symptoms he had and thinking that I have the same and questioning whether I have the dreaded big C too.

I've been unable to go and visit his grave because I'm scared it will stir up more anxiety.

I have this awful feeling in my head which has been going on for a month now. I feel ill as though I have flu but without any symptoms, no temperature but feel like I have a fever. My head is fuzzy and achey. I've been to the doctor who couldn't find anything but put it down to a sinus infection and treated me. It didn't work.
I don't know if I'm anxious because I'm ill or because I'm ill because I'm anxious!

I worry that if I put this down to anxiety and it's something worse that needs treatment then I'm wasting time when I should be having some investigation done.
That's what my brother did - left it too late.

Is it possible that I'm just reacting to my brother's death now six months later?
Does one feel ill with PTSD?
I'd appreciate some help or advice here.
Thanks very much
Becky