The bully is back!!!!

[pinkpiglet]

Hello again!

Its times like this when I am thankful that I never close my account. You can guarantee I always turn to you lot when my anxiety returns (why does it do that??) We pick ourselves up, dust ourselves down and say to hell with you anxiety, but for some wicked reason he always gets back in at some point.....its inevitable?? Am I really so weak that I cant control these attacks? or is anxiety a stronger force??
I figure that I'm getting pretty good at fighting him off but i'm useless at keeping him off. For mths now I have felt great but at some point he must have starting tapping his way back into my mind and body and taking hold again. I didnt see him coming, i was too busy getting on with my life. Been a good mum and trying to be a good housewife, going to work and enjoying it, etc etc... Living my life!!!! I get complacent, thats my problem, I never learn that he's lurking in my sub concsience and waiting to pounce.

So here I am, back again, depending on my wonderful fiance (who understands because he gets this too!) and depending on you lot. No one understands me better.
Anxiety manifests itself in my health, makes me believe i am dying, have terminal illness or a serious condition which from which i will never recover. It convinces me that I am going to die or be killed and leave my son, fiance and family behind. It knows my biggest weakness, knows what makes me tick & it homes in on these areas. Its very clever, i have to give it that!!!
Now I am in a tacking, I am shaky, on edge, blurred vision, dizzy, have pains in random places, and feel like I am short of breath. Is this my ovarian cancer, or my aeortic aneurysm, is it my brain tumour or my MS??? I have so many phantom illnesses its hard to pin point which is causing these symptoms. My son wants to play but I no sooner get involved in a game with him when I feel panicky, I cant cope with his constant 3 year old chatter (which I usually LOVE) and I cant cope with him today.......there, i said it. Its not easy to admit but when anxiety has me by the throat I dont have time for his infantile neediness. How horrible is that?? Anxiety is now getting to my son, he's making him suffer too. He's such a bully. my three year old gorgeous boy did nothing to deserve this, he is full of spirit and just wants to learn about the world around him. I cant even think straight never mind be his teacher today and this adds to my anxiety, its a visious circle (and my spelling is now suffering ) I can keep my humour, I can keep control to a certain degree, for this I am glad!!!

Anyone else relate to this???

[sammi]

I relate to this so much and I'm sorry mr anxiety is back for you as he is me I was doing so well for months and bam before you know it he's back. I also relate to how you feel with your son, I have a 3 year old daughter she's my world and I feel she suffers because of my anxiety which she doesn't deserve to. Its awful x

[Mazzmate]

I'm feeling exactly the same, I just cannot understand why after making so much progress and feeling so much better that I wake up one morning and it has all completely gone and I am back to square one....no obvious or conscious reason for it, just arrived unannounced and has taken over my life once more. Yes ....it is a bully, a spiteful, vicious and cruel bully, and somehow we have to confront it, can anyone tell me how though, and where to start?

[Vanilla Sky]

Just a thought , I wonder why we call anxiety a He ? Why is it MR and not Miss or Mrs ?? Lol

[sammi]

Its a mr its gotta be lol explains it all xx

[pinkpiglet]

LOL, yeah I just associate him with been male! Although maybe 'he' is infact a she!! Man woman or Beast.........Its a monster!!!
He's had me on a rollercoaster today, after posting this thread I felt a whole lot better, perhaps getting it off my chest helped. I quickly hurried my little boy into the car for a trip into town, I wanted to get some massage oil (hint hint Lion King) and buy my son an animal book (he loves them), I was fine for half an hour, thinking I'd given Anxiety the slip and left him at home. How wrong was I, the sweaty palms, dizziness and breathlesness returned tenfold. We headed back home defeated :(

[Humly]

HI

I can totally relate to what you are saying. I have been the same way myself. Just getting on with life and all of a sudden something happens and the old anxiety is back and I start obsessing again. Thank goodness for this place is all I can say. Hope you are feeling better soon and remember that you can overcome this and get back to the "good" place you were before.