Severe health anxiety

[LydiKate&co]

I am 33 years old. I am married and have two children. My family is very important to me. I am here because I want some help. I am making their life miserable and mine. I suffer from health anxiety. I am always thinking I have some horrible disease. I shut down and talk to noone because I am ashamed of it. I back away from my husband because I don't think he understands...then he thinks he has done something wrong. I just got back from the doctor. My shoulder has been in pain for 2 weeks with underarm pain and numbness in my hand. I FREAKED out...sounds serious. Doc. found nothing. Today I have developed a lump in my throat. My thoughts are racing out of control..what if? My husband has rushed me to the ER for panic attacks and I just knew I was dying of heart failure. I WANT to get control of this..I am hurting those I love! I am in tears as I type this! I have tried medicine and gave up due to side affects. Doctor prescribed me something different yesterday, but I have not tried it. I have an appointment with a counselor Monday. I am sick & tired of this. My problem is so bad that we have been on a family vacation before and I have not even enjoyed a day of it because I was agonizing over an ache/pain. My poor husband can't understand what is wrong with me. I cry all the time and my kids see it. I constantly think my lymph nodes are hurting/achy, my throat burns and there is a lump feeling in it...like a hair ball. My legs ache and on and on and on. I am so intune with every ache I have. We have a beach trip planned for this weekend and I am not even excited...why? Because I am busy worrying about my throat. This is not a fun life to have. I try to walk and listen to relaxing/praise music, sometimes it just does not help. I want to get better so my husband can have a wife and my sweet babies can have a mom!!! I am to the point where this anxiety is making me angry! I just want to shout GO AWAY and DO NOT come back. The other day I was in a meeting for work...they were discussing this young girl and they found a tumor on her neck and it ran to her shoulder. I had a panic attack right there because I had shoulder pain!!! Everytime I hear of someone's symptoms...I feel like someone punched me in the gut and I worry myself sick. I wish my anxiety, fear, worry and OCD was in a punching bag and I could punch it's lights out. I HATE IT!

[nomorepanic]

Hi LydiKate&co

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[pinkpiglet]

Hi hun, your life sounds so familiar right now and I'm sure many more 'no more panic' members can relate to this too. You are experiencing a pretty tough stint of anxiety whilst trying to hold down a job, run a home, raise young children and been a good wife. This is not an easy combination and your lifestyle is pretty ectic. The first thing you need to do (and this is not going to be easy) but you need to stop worrying about how your anxiety is affecting your family, this is just adding to your stress and doing you no favours. Its unfortunate that you have this issue in your life at the minute but you do and your husband needs to support you so point him in thr right direction. Ask him to read up on anxiety, possibly get him to join NMP or read some of the posts (especially your own posts, as this will be a way of you explaining how you feel) With his support and understanding you will find that your anxiety is less straining and you will have someone to lean on. As for your kids, yeah, you want to protect them from all of this and the less they see the better. However, they are your children and no matter how much we try to protect our children they are open to our feelings more than we give them credit for. They are tuned in to our mood and no when we are feeling upset, angry, happy etc.. You cannot protect them 100% from all of this. I look at it like this... 'they need to experience different emotions to learn about life' Its a positive way of looking at it without it stressing you out further. You and your family might be missing out now, on fun packed-happy family outings but once you are well and feeling more calm in your life then you can make up for this time then.

If you need to talk you know where we are x

[LydiKate&co]

Thank you so much for talking to me. It is great that I can talk to someone that does not know me and will not think I am insane. I feel that I have no one! My husband thinks I should just snap out of it. I can't. My anxiety is so bad that I have it at night as well. I will wake with my heart racing and dreams of having a disease. I want to know how this got started with me and why and how can I "fix" it. Also, I have read alot of posts about keeping yourself busy. I don't...I go home sit on the couch, watch my kids play and think about my depression/anxiety. Then I BEAT myself up because I can't stay on top of my house work. This anxiety is causing me to fail at a lot of things. Thank you for your advice on stopping the worry of what I am doing to my family.
I go to my first counseling session this afternoon. I am so ready for some help.
Yours words are comfort to me. Thank u soooo much!

[Fly away Katie]

Hey love. I really FEEL every word you say because i'm the same :(
I worry about everything.. ever feeling that my body develops.. I think the worst.
I had a pain in my belly for ages... and I kept imagining alsorts... and that just makes it worse. Did you know transfixing on a pain.. can make it worse!! :( it's a horrible vicious circle isnt it.
I feel like im ruining my boyfriends and families life with it.
Right now I have a tickle in my throat when I breathe. And im so tense cus i'm convinced theres something in my throat... arghhh :(
Anyway, welcome to the forum. I'm sure it will make you feel a bit better x x x x

[LydiKate&co]

I feel your pain Katie! Let's lift each other up! I also put my emotions into every ache/pain and it nearly gets the best of me. I live in fear every minute of the day. I am so tired of it. I have my first counseling session this afternoon. I am ready for it. I will let you know how it goes. Take care.....

[Humly]

I know where you are coming from with regards to health anxiety. I too have often felt ashamed and guilty about being this way but with the help of the lovely people at NMP I am a lot better than I used to be. Knowing that you are not alone and have somewhere to go and talk about things is one step closer to overcoming this awful condition. Keep posting and you will get lots of support no matter how trivial you think your problem is. Best wishes.

[duggyfresh]

Hi LydiKate, welcome to the forums.

I only joined a few days ago. I'm amazed not only at the fact that people on here are suffering from EXACTLY the same problems as me, but even more so about how many people there are! These kind of problems aren't generally discussed by anyone, not even sufferers because they are too embarrassed and think that people will think of them differently. But as I have come to realise there are LOADS of people who are going through exactly the same as me and you.

That's why the internet, and a forum like this is an absolute Godsend. Knowing you are not alone has just won a big part of the battle for you.

[Trying to]

I'm 34 I also suffer from health anxiety, depression, PTSD, Im so happy that I have found this forum. I have been working on my anxiety for a while now, I have finally understand that I create my own fear, I have trained myself this way, my mind runs through several diseases, cancer of all types, HIV,lupus,ms,heart problems. I see my Dr. often prob to much. My anxiety feels much stronger than I can ever be.