Yesterday must of been one of the lowest days I've ever had, I was in bed most of the day feeling absolutly rotten with the flu, add to that the horrible and scary feeling of disassociation I really was in a bad way. I just felt so alone, I even cried with the horrible feeling "Am I loosing it".
Anyway at the weekend I bought an anxiety CD set by Lucinda Bassett. I've been listening to CD 16 which is a relaxation CD and I have to say I reckon it's helping me already. I listened to it lastnight again before bed and I woke up this morning full of the joys of spring. I mean I got up this morning and opened the blinds and it was dark,wet and grey but I just felt so happy to be alive, The horrible disassociation feeling had gone. This morning I even jumped in the car and went to Asda to do the shopping, I must admit I did start to feel a wee bit of a panic attack coming on in the car while stopped at a red light but I just said to myself "F**k it,your not going to ruin my day" and it quickly passed. I also was well pleased with myself in Asda, With me its usually like a trolley dash, trying to get in and out and back home as quickly as possible but today I actually spent time looking at all the items on offer and even speaking to people, I usually just put the head down or look the other way.
But hopefully this great feeling continues, I was going to go to the pub tonite with friends to watch footie but i'm not so sure, I usually find the day after a few pints I am killed with anxiety and panic attacks.
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