hi, thought id join up really just so i can talk to people who may be going through the same thing as me and hopefully to get some advice, reassurance etc! I've always suffered with anxiety, and have always had quite a negative way of looking at things. I don't fully understand why it is that i get anxious, seems completely irrational, but i do know that it is generally related to being in social situations- meeting up with friends, going to work, alot of the time its the anticipation rather than actually being there. Lately it has gotten alot worse, more so to do with work. I work as a healthcare assistant at a hospital, there really isnt any reason for me to feel anxious because i like the job, and nothing seems to have changed since ive been there (almost a year), but for some reason i am now really struggling, cant sleep the night before going to work, waking up feeling sick, palpitations, also on the drive to work. Sometimes when i get there it eases off but comes back later in the shift, again i dont know what triggers it. Lately i'v had quite a bit of time off, had to go to the doctors and have now been taking cetalopram for nearly two weeks. I actually feel worse at the moment but then they do say you tend to feel worse before you feel better, hence im sitting at home writing this when i should be at work! I went in yesterday, on the drive there felt really sick, like i couldnt get my breath, then when i got there it eased off, but a few hours later i started feeling sick, sweating, shaking, and it was really embarassing because loads of people saw me crying, and i had to ask to leave, dont think my ward manager was very impressed. There were a couple of colleagues there who saw a side to me which i usually manage to hide. Alot of the time people see my smiling, singing, but really its all a front and i think that one colleague in particular was quite shocked to see 'the real me' and i even said to him- this is what i mean when i say im good at putting up a pretence, now youve seen the 'mad' side of me. Anyway, i'v had loads of days off, and a few where i'v gone in and then had to go home which is not only emabarassing but makes me feel like such a failure. I feel so out of control at the moment and scared im going to get sacked. I'm hoping the antidepressants will help at some stage but at the moment i definitely feel worse. I thought at the age of 28 id have got so much better but if anything im alot worse than ever and i cant even figure out why. All i want is to be able to go to work, be confident and not be controlled by this anxiety.
Anyway, on that cheery note, hello to everyone, if anyone else has any similar problems especially in regards to not being able to go to work, struggling in social situations id love to hear from you
Jem x
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