Should I get tested?

[Bette]

Hi everyone. I'm really, really struggling at the moment. I posted last night that I was considering going to A&E I was so worried but my partner talked me down. He is being so good but is starting to lose patience with me, saying things like 'you've got anxiety, nothing more, stop asking me questions about it and accept that it's anxiety, not AIDS, not cancer, then you'll be OK'. As if I can just turn it off. I'm scared I'm going to lose him.

The doc has put me on Propranolol for the physical effects of anxiety but they're not helping yet.

I am convincing myself that I've got an uncurable disease or illness. Sometimes it is cancer and at the moment, for the last 4 days, it's been HIV/AIDS. I can't stop worrying about it. Th chances of me having HIV are very slim. I had a boyfriend nearly 8 years ago who admitted to me that he had had STDs. We were safe but I can't say we were 100% safe (often starting without protection). I asked him if I should get tested for HIV and he told me that he had been tested and was negative so I didn't need to worry on his account. I have no reason to not believe him as he was honest about the STDs. He is my only threat of HIV to be honest, I've been with my current partner for nearly 7 years. I honestly havent worried or even thought about this in the last 8 years.

However, I am fixating on this at the moment. Im terrified that, not only could I have it but, that i could have given it to my partner, who is a dad. I've spoken to two AIDS helplines (including Terrence Higgins) and both said same thing - it's highly unlikely to have had it for so long with no symptoms and that it sounds more like anxiety than HIV.

Should I go and get tested for this? My partner thinks I would just then fixate on something else and I think he could be right. However, that is all I'm focussing on at the moment. Also, I'm terrified of having the test. Again, it's the 'what if'. What if that 1% chance is correct and I do have it? So that is causing more anxiety.

What would you do? Would you have the test or accept the advice that you haven't got it?

Many thanks and apologies for typos but I'm using my iPod.

[gypsywomen]

if it will put your mind at rest. and theres no way you could have it take the test ,becuase you will only keep worrying ,then when you get clear result you will feel better ,

[becks99]

I agree with gypsywoman, i would get tested just to try and put my mind at rest, if possible take someone with you for a bit of support

[Hazel B]

I would pluck up the courage and get tested, even if you do fixate on another illness after that, it will confirm that your anxiety needs priority healing not anything medical. Most GUM clinics have a walk in service, they are very professional and discreet and know that people get scared of the tests and results. You will torment yourself if you don't have the test, good luck.

[MoonlightFire]

Oh Bette, that could've been written by me...I'm going through almost exactly the same thing at the moment!

8 and a half years ago i gave oral sex to someone I didn't know. I was worried about it for a while then when I was put on anti anxiety medication the worries went to the back of my mind for years. Recently I've started getting very very anxious about it again...this started 2 months ago when I came off my meds to see if I could cope without...very silly of me and I won't be doing that again! I have rung the Terrance Higgins Trust twice, they say it is very unlikely and most people show symptoms around the 5 year mark. I rang the Sexual Health Helpline yesterday and he said it was very unlikely.

I somehow managed to pluck up the courage yesterday to go to the clinic and speak to someone about the test and possibly get the test. I went to two clinics and both were closed to walk-in patients :( I almost did it! I am going to go this lunch time and talk to someone at the clinic near work.

Personally I'm pretty sure I will need to have a test to put an end to this. I don't think that would be the right thing for everyone but I think it is for me. You need to decide whether you can put this behind you and move on or if you need a definite answer to move on.

From what I've heard from other people on here who've had similar worries, I would reccommend going to a clinic and asking to talk to a health adviser...it might be better talking to someone in person and they are very knowledgeable and deal with this stuff all the time.

If it helps, you're not alone. I'm there too! Feeling like this can be very lonely but know that there are a lot of people on here who have been through what we're going through.

Moonlight Xxxx

[MoonlightFire]

Did you talk to the Canadian lady at the THT? She's so nice Also wanted to add that my boyfriend has also been really good about all this but he is getting frustrated and upset now as I'm often in tears or distant and I get terrible anxiety in the mornings :(

[Bette]

Thank you everybody!

Hi MoonlightFire. Thank you so much for replying. Reading your post has meant so much to me. I really hope you can get an appointment today and get that negative result that you need to move on. Please PM me if you want to 'talk'. Yes, I was told that symptoms begin to show around the five year mark too and anything over that and the person is very lucky. The other helpline told me that it's usually 3-5 years for symptoms but that women tend to show more symptoms than men - thrush, urinary tract infections, chest infections etc.

Well, I've just phoned the clinic and spoken to an advisor, who was lovely. She has again pointed out that it is highly unlikely that I have HIV but she has booked me in for this afternoon for a talk and a test. She said, quite rightly, that talking isn;t going to put my mind at rest (I've spoken to 2 AIDS helplies, my GP, another health advisor etc and I'm still worried). She also said that they see loads of patients with anxiety and they virtually always test negative.

So, I'm going this afternoon. Either way, I'll know by this evening. I'm very anxious but I think I need to do it. I am so scared that I could have given this to my partner, who is the most wonderful man in the world.

He will be very annoyed with me when he finds out I'm booked in as he knows that it's just my anxiety and he thinks I'm pandering to it.

Wish me luck please, everyone. xxxx

[Hazel B]

Well done for being brave and good luck, I am sure it will be OK.

Let us know how you get on.

[westofengland]

Get tested, it's a two minute job but be prepared for a nervous time over the next week or so! You'll be fine.

I got tested three (count them!) times in the last 18 months and my health anxiety hasn't gone away, it's just moved on to new things

so don't expect the test to cure your HA, though it's good to learn about STDs and the risks, don't let it put you off sex! The HIV rate in this country is still very low, despite all the scare stories

[bebe1005]

Hi Bette,
I think it’s very good that you are getting tested, you will feel so much better when you find out that you don’t have it. It’s very, very unlikely that you do I was obsessed with HIV for about 4 years. I got tested twice (once this past June and once in August). I’m just now starting to get over the fear/obsession. I agree with westofengland though, once you get over this there will be something else. I moved onto to various types of cancer :(

Let us know how it goes, I know you will be fine =)