worried sick about daughter

[trolleydolly]

hi all
just after a bit of advice about my 20 year old daughter
i found out a couple of months ago that she and her 19 year boyfriend were smoking pot
so i was not happy about her doing this and had a good talk with the two of them it turned out that he had been smoking it for a long time (she has only been going out with him since january) but no matter what i said they cant see any harm in it was also worried in case it lead to harder drugs but got told do be stupid mum they can kill you
about a month ago they got a flat together he doesnt work as he has a eye disorder and is on benefits and she works part time
i tried to explain that they would find it hard to manage money wise but they werent bothered
so we have been buying food for them and brought a few things for the flat as we dont mind helping them
but as soon as she got her wages they brought pot which i thought was really bad when you have got bills to pay so we have decided not to help them out any more

but im really worried about how addicted she is and keep thinking will i get a call saying she has taken something really bad

any advice would be very welcome
and thanks for listening

[paula lynne]

Hi its so hard with kids isnt it...my daughter was sniffing solvents for a while..horrific time, she left home and I worried myself sick. Eventually when she turned 20, she just sort of...grew up...got a job, met a nice man, had a baby...still likes a drink but nothing more sinister.
I think sometimes the best thing we can do is...just let them go, make mistakes, while always being there for them if they need us. Its the hardest thing, but they have to make their own mistakes in life, and amount of worrying on our part will change the fact they will do what they want in the end anyway.
Obviously, youve voiced your dissaproval, good, but now...step back if you can.
Just my opinion. x Hope you ok x

[trolleydolly]

hi paula
thanks for yr good advice
im going to try and step back it will be hard i know
when they run out of money we are not going to buy them anymore food not if they are buying that stuff
im also hoping that after being skint all the time they will get fed up and the novelty will wear off

[paula lynne]

Yes love I would definately stop buying food and giving money etc...they need to be independant, and if they rely on you, clearly they arent. Stopping money/food will send a clear message...grow up and get on with it!
Tough love I know, but you are enabling their behaviour as they can then spend their money on pot etc.......
You are doing the right think, and youre right, once they realise they are on their own, they will have no choice but to "step up to the plate" as they say in America!!
Im sure things will change very soon......all the best xxxx

[PoppyC]

Hi
I can understand why you are so worried. I think any loving parent would feel the same.
Have you heard of FRANK? They are really helpful. Good luck.
http://www.talktofrank.com/

[trolleydolly]

hi poppy

i will take a look at that site thank you for suggesting it

[PoppyC]

Hi
Thats ok. I hope everything works out fine for you all.