CBT - My diary

[Munchkin]

As always, thanks everyone.

Karen, finally tried the gum idea the other day...maybe it helped a little in that It gave me something else to concentrate on...although at times I did look like a frantic beaver with all my chewing!!

Yesterday I went to Oxford to see my friend. The journey there was horrid...I was getting paraniod over things I dont usually even think about, but once I got to my freinds I was ok. The anxiety subsided and the journey home was better....it has proved to me, if you can stick something out, things do get better...it's just the sticking it out thats the hardest part.
xxx

"A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"

[axel]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">
Axel, thanks for the post...can i ask, how many CBT sessions did you attend before you started to feel the benefits?

"A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"

<div align="right">Originally posted by Munchkin - 30 March 2006 : 14:28:22</div id="right">
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Happy to help in anyway I can. My total treatment was 20 sessions once a week and I would say it was not until the third or fourth session that it all started to sink in and then I really felt like I was making great headway by about the seventh or eighth session. Some people in my group "got it" much quicker than I did and some took even longer but all but one who dropped out did get better. It sounds like you are on the right track
Did I mention the book we used at the start of our group which was about a guy who went through cbt and described his experience? It's called Been there done that? Do This! by Sam Obitz. You may want to read it, I found it very encouraging. Keep at it, it sounds like you are ahead of the pace I was on already.

[Munchkin]

Thank you for such a kind reply axel. Most appreciated! I'll look into that book, sounds very good. I suppose the thing with CBT is everyone moves at their own pace.
Thanks again!

"A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"

[Munchkin]

Hello!
Hope everyone is doing ok.

Well, I had a really good session this morning! We focused lots on my actual fear of fainting, or being taken ill, while I’m out. I’ve realised I fear this because I worry, that if I faint, people will be staring at me and wondering what I’m doing and I’ll feel like an idiot (crazy I know, but that is what drives my fear).

So…on that note, my psychologist is starting me on something called Desensitisation. My challenge for this week is to go and pretend to faint on our front lawn and lie there for a minute or so…no I am not kidding! This might seem easy for some, but for me, someone who fears making an idiot of them self in public, this is a big thing.

He thinks that I should start off somewhere I feel safe and then eventually move onto something bigger. He did mention doing the same thing in a supermarket…that fills me with horror. Can you imagine?!

The theory is that by putting myself in the situation I fear, and seeing that nothing really bad does happen, things should get easier.

He feels I’m making good progress and so do I. I am not going to attempt the fake fainting thing today because its pouring it down with rain, and I wont just look stupid, I would actually be being stupid!

What will the neighbours think?! I am going to look like a total WALLY…but I have this feeling that once I’ve done it, I’m going to feel quite liberated…

I know this might seem trivial to some, but this is the first step for me and any support would be appreciated. Thanks everyone. I will post on my ‘fake faint’ when I’ve done it…

Oh my goodness.

ps, good luck to Jodie, who is starting CBT today.


"A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"

[axel]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Thank you for such a kind reply axel. Most appreciated! I'll look into that book, sounds very good. I suppose the thing with CBT is everyone moves at their own pace.
Thanks again!

"A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"

<div align="right">Originally posted by Munchkin - 05 April 2006 : 14:10:01</div id="right">
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You are very welcome and thank you for yours You are spot on when you conclude that with CBT everyone must go at their own pace. Your desensitation sounds similar to what was called habituation in my group. We did exercises like hyperventilating to bring on similar body responses to those experienced when we were having panic attacks. Also spinning around in a circle and a few others like holding our breath then immediately began countering the thoughts those exercises produced in a tea form. I found this difficult to do but very helpful over time. Take care and keep me posted on your progress.

[Munchkin]

Hi. Well, I have had a really good week! I went into Waitrose and actually bought a magazine (I hate checkouts). I did wait until there wasn’t a queue, but still. I wouldn’t have done that a few months ago. But the biggest thing I did was going out to pub with a friend for a drink. It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for about a year, but not had the confidence to actually do it. So I decided I wanted to do it and nothing was going to stop me, so I suggested it to my friend who sounded somewhat surprised by my idea!

Anyway, I did it and was there for TWO hours (for someone who is usually in and out of a place in 2 seconds, this was amazing!). The build up to it beforehand was the worst part, no sleep and all the thoughts that race through my mind about the ‘what ifs’. When I got there the bar was really busy with a group of young people with disabilities. Obviously some of them were having trouble ordering etc, but I was actually ok and didn’t panic. I was just so determined that I wanted to do this (I actually scared myself with how focused I was!) and when my friend arrived I actually relaxed into it and started to enjoy it. My anxiety level dropped and when I left I just screamed with happiness. I still can’t believe I did it. It’s a situation I dread and now I actually want to do it again!!

I just find now that I know that these are just thoughts in my mind, I know where they come from and the pattern they take, they cannot harm me, will not harm me, and I’m in no danger. I think understanding anything is the key to not fearing it so much.

Also I did my fainting ‘thing’ in the garden…felt very silly. I’ve told my psychologist that I actually would probably feel happier about doing it in a supermarket or somewhere, because that would make more sense than walking out onto the front lawn and doing it there. He did understand, but for now he wants me to just practise fainting indoors. he said in our next session he might get me to imagine fainting in a public place and see how I feel about that.

I feel very tired at the moment because of everything I’ve done and the fact that I also have M.E, but I feel positive. I feel like I’m moving in the right direction at last.

Thanks to everyone who replies, especially axel, it means a lot.
xx

"A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"

[andrew]

well done munchkin, sounds like your making fantastic progress and sound really positive in your thinking, tc .. andrew

[Piglet]

Well done munchkin - progressing really well and it's this slow steady sort that seems to work the best

Love Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[Munchkin]

Thank you Piglet and Andrew! I appreciate you taking the time to read my ramblings and reply!

If there's anyone reading who has had CBT, can I ask is it ok to discuss past issues with your theapist...or is it better to say that you want to focus on the future?

Only, I have things that still bother me from my past, and i'm unsure if they are actually related to the anxiety or not. I don't want to go over them if they are not, but then if they are, I dont want to ignore them if they could help me progress. Any advice anyone? Thank you.
xxx

"A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"

[axel]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">
Thanks to everyone who replies, especially axel, it means a lot.
xx

"A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"

<div align="right">Originally posted by Munchkin - 28 April 2006 : 12:11:11</div id="right">
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You just made my day Munchkin, thanks that was very sweet of you to say
From my experience you will want to go back and revisit old issues especially now that you are able to look at them more objectively. It is amazing how many things we hold onto that were never true but seemed true and quite bothersome because of the way we looked at them inaccurately in the past. I had attached several inaccurate labels to myself that could not be further from the truth but if I didn't go back and look at them with my new objective thinking I'd still be believing them today. So by all means go over those things from your past!