Ocd HIV *please help*

[katie23]

I have had ocd on and off for a number of years recentley it has really sparked and I am on cipralex 30mg for it.

Well anyway I get random obbsessions of one thought!Here we go well last week I was pregnant did 5 tests blood test drs etc came on my period

Today I have HIV after watching something on tv.I had unprotected sex well Id say penetration last year as no body fluids was passed on to each other with a guy I was with for around a month!So I watched this program and that pops in my head 'OMG I HAVE CAUGHT HIV OFF HIM' start freaking out researching,looking for places to get tested,telling boyfriend,booking dr's appointment,Talking to everyone about it,Thinking because he had scars on his arm they was from injecting himself with drugs but I think they was self harm as he seen a counciller.Then I move on to self reassurance 'but I have had loads of blood tests at the hospital'they would of shown it' 'research research'NO THEY DONT OMG I NEED TO GET ON.[TYPICAL SHORT LIVED],Okay so now I am in that place where I am frightened of contaminating people worrying when I kiss my boyfriend Im giving him HIV and aids and that I wont have a normal life and Ive give him aids and he wont want me anymore!?Is this ocd or am I just loosing it?I feel like somethings telling me I have it and that because I have had sex out of marriage its gods way of getting me back?

How do I get over it without having a test as I know this is the worst thing for me to do! As I will want more and more like the pregnancy tests when I couldnt stop buying them constantly! x

[Restored Rachel]

no your not crazy its real. I have felt this way and lived scared for this for like 4 years now. It's nothing but the devil!! It isn't GOD!!!!!!!!!!! God is a forgiving god!! He loves you!! The devil will do anything to put fear into your life. i grew out of this worrying about aids stuff but im not having unprotected sex anymore or sex really at all, i got tired of living in sin, im sick and tired of sin and God seems to have a big impact on your heart already!

[kibbutz83]

Hi Katie, all I can say to you is that I have suffered from more or less the same thing since my teens, I'm now 47. I always assumed it to be some kind of health phobia, as I was totally preoccupied with a paralysing fear of death from a young age, and could never come to terms with it. I think a lot of guilt/death phobias are triggered in childhood, and if our parents aren't "looking and listening" as they should, these problems can get out of hand. I was left to my fears with no support, and no understanding, and I believe things were blown completely out of proportion in my immature mind...
It's very unlikely that from the one experience you had that you caught anything nasty
All I can say really is when I used to suffer these anxieties or phobias, I would go to the library or bookshop and read up about it It can help to know what you're dealing with sometimes... I wish you luck, cos I know how this kind of thing can be totally draining

[Until it sleeps]

I was first told that I have OCD 20 years ago. As good as it was to get a title to this strange way of thinking, it did not take it away. That won't suprise anyone on here. My OCD is concentrated on HIV. Just looking at those letters causes a reaction for me. My fears have been sexual, but also that someone is going to deliberetely inject me with HIV infected blood. At the moment of writing, I am concerned. I have been on Fluoxetine on and off without any therapy. I then started therapy but without medication. I'm back on Fluoxetine and restarting therapy. I think the combination of the two will be more beneficial. The fact that I seek therapy, should surely tell me that I know I have a 'thought' problem, rather than the the fear of what I think has happened. Yet, it is all too real. I've had over 20 HIV tests. My therapist told me that these tests were adding strength to the OCD patterns and helping the vicious loop. I don't know if I can resist having anohter test.