maybe i really am mental...i feel lower every day.

[ashley]

Hi all,
I just dont know what to do any more, im so low so depressed its unreal-- i just cant stand the feeling that i have, its so undescribable --but i will do my best to explain.

I think i must have some kind of mental problem really i do- ordinarly going to the shop i feel so wierd, sometimes i dont have to be in a panic mode/or depersonlized- i sometimes feel worse than that, like kinda swayey--- oh god this is hard to explain, but its like im not there at all- i will go and pay for my gas, and then nearly leave my gas card there behind- i will feel really strange when i am waiting to be served in the shop, i just dont feel all there, my words dont come out right, i forget things like so so much, i cant make the right descions, i get terribely confused and flustered-- maybe i have f***ing atzimers(spell check)
theres something not right-.

oh i still have eptopics they havnt gone, no worries there--- not quite as harsh as they used to be but still bad at times--- my breathing can be so slow and nasty at times---and i have all the ahces and pains and millions of symtoms, that i am all so confuesed about now.

But maybe i am having all these because i have a mental problem, maybe soon i wont be able to remember people .. and i will get lost when i go out---because i feel very confused when i do go out...
i am so numb i cant even cry anymore---im going to see a counsellor tomorrow-- and hopefully my doctor today, to see what he has to say about my medication-- in regards to what i should be on , because i need to be on something ... with the least side effects poss(yeah right) because the beta-blockers are taking the edge but im still in a bad way, gee how did it ever get this bad--ive had anxiety for years but never to this level... thats why i dont feel it is anxiety...some one has got to help me,,, coz like im helping myself and nothink is changing and im beginning to give up.... this is no quailty of life..

I get so so aggitated its unreal, if theres too many noises going on at once i cant handle it, i feel like my brain is scrabbled , i also sometimes cant handle listen to anything like my head is too full with information and its going to just going to crash, like a computer will if you have too many file on it and you dont delete soem and clean it up.
Im even finding it hard to sit here and type now...i am numb..


ive had it , really now i have...



ash x--- love to all xxx

[Greg1983]

Ashley,

Hang in there! You will get better trust me, does talking about how you feel make you fell any happier? If you ever need to chat, i'm on MSN if you use that or through email or PM.

Trust me though you will get better.

"UNLESS YOU HAVE BREATHED ANXIETY, TASTED ANXIETY AND LIVED WITH ANXIETY YOU DONT KNOW HOW IT FEELS..
NEVER JUDGE AN ANXIOUS PERSON BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW ONE DAY YOU MAY WAKE UP WITH IT YOURSELF..... (Stolen from someone else, can't remember who, but i'm sorry - i just liked it)"

[Paddington]

dearest ash,i am sooo sorry you are having such a bad time,but i promise you that you are not alone with these feelings.i havent logged on since friday because i have been feeling the same ash ,honest!just lost and cant turn the noise off and feeling slightly mad!I have been doing so well too!goin out and drivin and stuff,but it as thou we just carry the fear with us isn't it so like some nasty critter it swallows us up.and it is soo horrible, i know.I think as long as it is in our minds it is with us.we need to let the whole thing go ,the self awarness the lot!but it is so hard isn't it ash?i feel empty today just vague and tearful same as you iguess!last nite was awful every time iwent to drop off to sleep i jumped frozen with the thought i was dying!you are right it really takes it out of you.Is any one else out there feeling this way and this bad??i am thinkin of you ash,i have replied to you manty times b4 but this is a side you wont have seen,so proves we cant be positive all the time.i am thinkinof you ash.keep postin and maybe we can pull each other out of this.love mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[Peru83]

Hi Ashley,

Right stop there, you are not insane or have mental 'problem' or anything like that cause an insane person thinks they are normal, but yes you do have a mental 'illness' it's called anxiety.

Everything that you have described I can relate to and so can everyone else on the forum I'm sure. To me you sound mega stressed. You really need to find a distraction for all of this, a good book, favourite film, hobbie, just something that even just for an hour a day you can relax and distract your attention away from you anxiety. Relaxation is so vital, and believe me I know how hard it is, especially when you have thoughts wizzing in and out of your head and stilted breathing with palpatations! but distraction is key, When these symptoms are happening get up and do something or even lay down and try your 7/11 breathing, I even find changing a course of thought helps ie what your making for dinner or list things in your head that need to be done the next day.

As for your forgetfullness, thats just cause your thoughts are soo pre-occupied sometimes subconciously and your not even aware. My goodness I'm 22 and walk into a room and think to myself 'why am I here again?!' lol.

Like I have said it sounds to me like you need to find something that helps you relax. There are soo many things to try, warm bath, lavender insence, yoga, reading a book, meditation ect.

You will one day find a way of controlling these feelings, I had my first PA a year ago and thought my world had come to an end! I still have bad days but feel I have a better understanding of what it takes for me to relax and I'm sure you will too.

Hope you feel better soon

Take Carexx

Claire

[Robertc160882]

Ashley,

You should have maybe have picked up on other peoples post’s on NMP because a lot of the symptoms of anxiety and stress. I do feel in my opinion that you may be depressed as a result of all of this so it is good you are going to get help. I’m the same as you when I go out I get all flustered I forget stuff and I feel as if I’m not there it is very strange.

I have just told myself now that it is me I am real and no one else in the shop knows or can see what I’m feeling like. It is easier said than done I know but these are symptoms of anxiety although I can’t say what type of anxiety. Mine personally were a result of taking drugs when I was young so I put those feeling down to my brain been battered. I also find it hard sometimes to take in to much noise and with three kids I do take in a lot but it is all stressors and I will learn to deal with them again.

The counselling will teach and help you manage and cope with your stressors, it may also give you tools to deal with the anxiety. I used to have a support worker, which could have been described as a counsellor she was fab and really helped me. Keep the faith because you have come a long way and you will get through this (“promise”)

Robert

[ashley]

UNLESS YOU HAVE BREATHED ANXIETY, TASTED ANXIETY AND LIVED WITH ANXIETY YOU DONT KNOW HOW IT FEELS..
NEVER JUDGE AN ANXIOUS PERSON BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW ONE DAY YOU MAY WAKE UP WITH IT YOURSELF

that was my little quote, but hay greg, use it babe its true.

You are all so right i know in what you have said,but do you belive in the darker side of anxiety ... do you think thats what i am expericing... i have had this s**t for 15 F***ing years(sorry ) and im tired for gods sake i cant take it... im trying, and trying , and trying and nothink is changing this time...im worn out ..i am numb..

I dont want to think sonegitive, but the anxiety has gone all dark and wierd on me now.
I get these masif waves of wierd emotions, i find very hard to explain... its almost like i could just sit there and stare in to space ... with the world going on around me and i dont even notice a thing.

You see how naffed up i sound...oh im so sorry i shouldnt be bringing you guys down should i..


sorry


ash x

[andrew england 2]

Hi ash

Sorry to hear how ur feeling - I have had the same sort of feelings myself just recently - just on saturday - My brain felt like scrambled eggs and I just couldnt fathom out why - for all thw world it feels like the worst thing imaginable and as tho the end of life has come - reading that others experience the same thing and they have passed thru it is a great comfort - perhaps there is no true solution and we have to dig deep and I know myself from experiencing what u have 1st hand when we feel like this the deeper we dig and the more we try the more hopeless it feels - but bear in mind we are not the 1st to stand here and we will not be the last - other have made it back and i hope i do too and i am sure if someone as weak as me can make it back then u can too.

best wishes

andrew

[jackie]

ash you fear there is something wrong. well there is hunny but not in the way you think. this is not some lurking mental thing in the way you think, it is our train of thought and our fear. it is derealisation, agitation fear dizzyness etc etc etc all brought on my months or years of negative thinking. you are not alone and we are all guilty of it ash. ask yourself this, if i was describing your symptoms as my own. in other wards if i was to tell you i was feeling not with it, forgetful, dizzy, swayey, breathless etc, would you tell me there was something seriously wrong with me and i need to see a gp right away. or would you say it was anxiety and fear and tiredness all rolled into one and more

try to be kinder to yourself kid, i know it is hard but we have to do this

we are with you all the way
jackie

[desperate]

sometimes i feel like that, like there must be something wrong with me.....

but i feel exactly the same like i'm just falling through life, spaced out etc etc...

have u ever asked yourself why u feel like that? sometimes our brains can give us answers in weird ways...

Sarah

[Alexandra]

Hi Ash

Sorry to hear your feeling so low.

Like the others say hun you are not going completely mad/insane honestly your not. I can be so forgetful at times.

You can get through this & you will hun.

As Jackie says be good to yourself.

Take good care

Alex

Many People Will Walk
In & Out Of Your Life
But Only True Friends
Will Leave Footprints
In Your Heart