In Pain

[lentils]

cheers maj same thing right back at you lentils...

[lentils]

moom yes they all knew apart from 2 they even went out on a night out with them i have cut off all contact with them one of them even had the cheek to turn round and say that im blowing this out of all proportian still like maj says who needs friends like that lentils...

[moomintroll]

Thanks Lentils,

It is always so interesting to get an opinion from someone who is a complete stranger to myself. Interestingly you have just said exactly what everyone else, including his friends have said.

My ex has been a bachelor for the majority of his life (he is 37 and I am his first long serious relationship). He has always shown great concern for me and helped me a great deal with various things - ie doing up my house and helping me with any issues I had. He has stuck by me through some difficult times. But he says he only 'cares for me deeply' and that he doesn't think he has ever 'loved' me. He says he will miss having me around and will wonder what I am doing and how I am, and he is hoping that we can be good friends and that we will get through this 'split' together and he will do anything to help me recover. He says he feels NO emotional attachment to me but was wretching and throwing up the whole day we split up (I saw this!). He just says he can't see us living together, marrying, having kids etc. But when I asked him why he hadn't just finished it earlier if he has NEVER felt any emotional attachment he said that it's because we are good together and he was happy with the way things were. In between all this - he then said we could move in for two weeks and see how things go. But then withdrew this saying he didn't think it would work. I then asked him whether he was hurt at the thought of us splitting and he said of course he was hurting, why did I think he was throwing up.

I'm confused!

[moomintroll]

Oh My God!! They said you were blowing out of proportion?!!! Is that person for real?!!!!!!! Some people never cease to amaze me! What did they expect you to do exactly, give them a pat on the back and make up over a cup of Tetleys?!!!

[lentils]

your right moom very confusing like hes contradicting himself all the time and it really doesnt sound fair that hes said he never had a emotional attachment to you its like hes strung you along just cant believe he never had that feeling for you prehaps it was said in the heat of the moment , and as for finding someone else i just couldnt i have become resigned to the fact that i be single for the rest of my life now lentils...

[moomintroll]

Another thing that confused me - he kept asking why I loved him - now, he isn't an egotistical person so I no it's not because he was bolstering his own confidence - he is not like that at all. But I don't understand why it's so important to him if he has no emotional feeling for me anyway.

[moomintroll]

I feel that way too at the moment..I just can't believe the way it's all turned out.

At least we are not alone in the way we are feeling!

Things will get better - I suppose we have just got to take each day as it comes and bear it for now until the pain goes gradually. I wish there was some pill like an aspirin for emotional pain!

[lentils]

sorry moom got to go offline for an hour if your still around then i get back in touch please take care . lentils

[lentils]

mooms just an idea but if its really getting to much maybe you can make an appointment with your gp and he might arrange some counselling for you i dont know how you feel about pouring your heart out to a stranger but they work wonders lentils ...

[moomintroll]

Thanks Lentils, will definately bear it in mind. I have considered it as there have been quite a few upsets and traumas in my life over the past ten years and it in culminated in me ending up on anti-d's for depression/anxiety about 9months ago. Have been doing well with that though (up until now!). Started CBT but they signed me off after a few sessions as they thought I had made an extremely quick recovery and didn't need to continue.

I think I will battle on for now and see how I go. I am very careful to monitor myself these days as scared to go back to the point I was at this time last year with depression.

I will keep posting on here over the next few weeks anyway..even if I get no replies it is a way to put things in writing and may help other people too!

I hope you are able to start to feel a bit better soon and start rebuilding your life..you sound like a phenominally strong person to be able to offer others so much comfort and advice when you are going through your experience.

One thing I feel confident about is that despite what we feel now, in time (albeit a long time maybe) I think we will all have moved on from these traumas and we will be with new partners and happy again........The bit I am not so confident about is what happens then in my life!! He he!!

If it provides any comfort or hope Lentils, my parents divorced after 27 years marriage and two children, and it was a nasty divorce involviing affairs and borderline physical violence, and my father was absolutely destroyed by it at the time - he was also going bankrupt at the time. A few years later and both my parents found new partners and are now close friends. Both are happy again in life.