I'm not sure if this is the right place to put this, but it is making my anxiety worse & I'm so worried I'm gonna turn into some mad stalker. :(
I met someone recently who I have become completely besotted with. I joined a local amateur dramatics group a few months back & met him through that. He's an actor & has had a very good career & done some good some impressive stuff...abit of a 'local celebrity' I guess...
Anyway, he's been attending the meetings for awhile now & he's AMAZING!! I completely love him, he's everything I wish I was. An brilliant actor, flamboyent, happy, confident, outgoing & just....wonderful! He's so inspiring.
He's also a really lovely man, he's so friendly...one of the friendliest people I've ever met.
I'm obviously abit shy cos of all my 'problems' but whenever we speak & I tell him stuff about how I want to go into acting, he's so supportive, I think he knows I'm abit insecure, he always makes the effort to talk to me & he really makes me laugh!
We've been shown stuff from his early days & he was absolutely gorgeous...& still is, very much so!!!
& I've become completely gaga over him & I can't get him out of my head!
It's like I just want to be his friend & be around him alot really...
But it's wrong on many levels, he's ALOT older than me, the age gap would just be too much. He's married & has grown up children who are actually older than me!!!
AND, I did a very stupid thing last week, I got his email address off someone else in the group & I sent him an email saying who I was & just saying thanks for his support & stuff, nothing creepy or anything...I don't know WHY I did it, it was a very stupid spare of the moment thing & I didn't hear anything back from him. Now, I'm dreading next week's meeting incase he's there...it's going to be soooo awkward & I'm getting so anxious, I can't even bare to check my emails now incase there's something there from him.
I don't want to stop going to the group cos it's really helped me so far & I love acting...
Plus, I DO want to see him, but I know it's only gonna get worse if I keep seeing him...& now things are probably going to be horrible anyway because of my stupidity...
I am after abit of advice if anyone has any to offer, but I know I have brought this on myself. I shouldn't be digging myself any bigger holes when I have enough already :(
But I feel better for venting all this somewhere...
I just feel like a weird, stalker freak now & I hate myself for it :(