pretty much a mess right now

[meagle]

Hi guys, how are you?

My name is Mike, and I've been reading through a lot of your posts since I joined a few days ago. It's been very helpful to hear others share their own experiences.

My own deal is that I recently finished up college and now am in the process of finding a career (interviews, job fairs, etc.) I've always been pretty confident, had a good circle of friends, and a great family.

However my life has spiraled out of my control as of late. I do not know where to turn, really feel as if I've lost my compass. Everything (no exaggeration) is overwhelming. I don't feel happy anymore and I constantly have to battle with invasive thoughts and depressive ebbs that sap all of my energy. I work myself up over everything real and imaginary (feels like my brain is going a million miles an hour and wont shut off) until I feel physically unwell, headaches, nausea and such. I am slowly but surely withdrawing from contact with friends and avoiding family gatherings. My self-confidence is shot and I've somehow learned to hate myself. No matter what small activity I'm doing, there is always a voice in the back of my head saying "You're worthless, just quit."

I'm really scared that I'm going insane. I've struggled with mild depression all through adolescence but nothing like this. Sometimes I feel my heart clenching up and my throat closing, and it feels like I'm dying. This is an absolutely horrific feeling, if you've ever had it.

Social interactions are unmanageable, as talking to strangers and introducing myself leaves me unnaturally drained and weak. As you can imagine, this is absolutely killing my job search chances right now. Lost all interest in meeting and talking to girls. Every day is a wasted day right now until I can snap out of this.

I'm hoping that if I post my thoughts in writing maybe it will help me focus on what the real problem is. I don't know what the hell is happening to me.

[looking4answers]

Its called anxiety.. Maybe its the school thing that has you stressed and it started the anxiety .. Don't worry.. everything will get better.You have come to the right place. This site is great. There is lots of supportive people and information here and the people that put this site together are really helpful and great.We are all in the same boat here and hope that you are feeling better soon . Also wanted you to know that we are all here for you .. Take care and don't worry..Hope you feel better soon. Michael

[joannap]

hi mike

it sound as if you are quite a naturally introspective person (like most of us on here!) and that the mild anxiety/depression has just intensified most likely because you are starting a new phase of your life which is full of uncertainty - you are no longer in the routine of "college". I would say not to put too much pressure on yourself - give yourself time to heal and try not to worry about the racing mind/physical symptoms - they are simply your bodies stress response being kicked off.

regarding your career - the best advice i can give is to do something you want to do/feel you have an interest for. i left college and did jobs i felt i had to do/those that would please my family etc until i learnt that when you are spending a great deal of your life at work - it has to be something that you enjoy x

[ditzygirl]

Mike

hope writing it down has helped. I always really admire people who ccan just share their feelings on this site. I have always bottled my anxieties up which doesn't help at all. But the fact you are being honest with us and yourself shows ur strength of character.

I have suffered anxiety in varying degrees on and off for a long time and in doing research i found something that said people who struggle with anxiety of any kind are incredably brave. And its true - we hae to fight every day just to get through it.

You are experiencing a lot of changes in your life and not knowing where your life is going is very very scary indeed, so be gentle on yourself, try to take a day at a time.

There is loads of help and advise on here and we are here to support you anytime.

In the meantime don't forget you are a strong, brave person. You have to be to admit your feelings. That's something empowering and to be proud of!!!!!!!

Good luck and hope this helpx

[meagle]

Hey all,

Thanks a lot for your messages. I got tied up with Thanksgiving (is that celebrated in the UK?) but came back on today to find all your replies and I really appreciate it. Hope you're all doing well.

mike