Hello All

[HarrogateChris]

You can vent as much as you want on these boards, don't bottle things up, that is deffo not good for you.

You're right Anita, I'm hoping by acknowledging to myself that I will deal with these feelings at some point in the future I can try to move forward. The chatterbox in my head just has this never ending hypothetical conversation with my friend thinking of the magic words that will make things better, but there aren't any magic words. I think it's not helping me, or any hope for a making things better, obsessing like this on what has happened.

My therapist says I need to stop trying to think my way out of this. She's right

Chris

[x0xrachx0x]

Thanks Rachel, Day 18 on the Cit today and not great. Spent the day with my Dad in his workshop learning some woodwork. I'm hoping to make a career change to boat building soon by way of making a life I like for myself. But arrived at Mum & Dads and collapsed into tears from the effort of the hour drive. Was quite tired after a bad night last night anyway. Had a call from the estate agents with a low offer on the house (we're selling up to fund the life changes) so had to try and cope with the negotiations there as well.

Just got so much going on, trying to make the right decisions to get my life back on track but I barely know which way is up at the moment!

Chris

Hi Chris,
Try not to put to much pressure on yourseld, i know its hard but just try and take each day as it comes, i too have had days were I just burst into tears at the thought of certain things. Today I have had a bad day, i am still currently at work and dont want to be signed off as I am afraid of sitting at home doing nothing will make me worse but when I woke up this mroning I had to call in sick at work because I just could not face going in but I am hoping today is just a blip and tomorrow I will feel a little more positive. The tabs are a very slow process but in the long run they will help us, I have felt like just giving up on them but people tell me just to carry on as they will eventually work. So try and keep positive and try not to put to much pressure on yourself and you will get there in the end xx

[paula lynne]

Hi Chris, you mentioned "the chatterbox" and it rang a bell with me...Have you ever heared of Susan Jeffers? Shes the author of "Fear the fear and do it anyway"....she talkes a lot about the chatterbox and how it makes us crazy...and how to turn it off. Ive got it on tape (so old fashioned now!), but Ive been listening to it for 10 years, and enjoy the sound of her voice, very calming after a stressful day. I wonder if you may find this useful.

[michelle123]

Hi chris, I'm Michelle, I'm 31 and I have anxiety (mainly health anxiety) and have suffered with depression. Citalopram are a great help, the side effects in the 1st 2-3 weeks are a bit scary, you feel detatched from your self, from life. I was on them for 12 months but they worked so well that i felt i just no longer needed them anymore as they had done there job and made me 'normal' again, which is where you will get, everything feels 1005 worse when you have depression, I too lost friends, but looking back now....they wernt anything special if they wernt there when i needed them most, so now I think.. "screw you witches". What a wonderfull and understanding partner you have too. You'll get through this Chris, I promise xx

[HarrogateChris]

Rach - I'm impressed you're still coping at work with the cit. I stayed at work a long time thinking I was better off, I'm not so sure now, maybe it would have been better to look after myself. I was scared of being on my own all day and that is really hard. I got signed off when my manager, who'd been a fantastic support, was signed off for the stress. I had a total breakdown in the office. I'd been crying at my desk for months.

Paula - thanks, I'll have a look on Amazon [Edited to add: I've ordered the book ]

Michelle - good to meet you, I'm feeling so welcome here

Chris

[x0xrachx0x]

Im forcing myself to go in everyday, its only because its quite a new job and no one at work knows and I dont think my boss would understand, and the last thing i want is to lose my job, think that would just be the last thing that would just do it for me. If you feel being off work is the best thing for you and you have an understand manager then that is great, you do need to focus on yourself and getting better. The tablets are slow, unfortunetly, i just wish it would only take a few days and we would all feel ourselves again but I guess just need to be patient . We will get there and feel ourselves again soon, its great to have people to talk to who understand and are going through the same. xx

[HarrogateChris]

Had a pretty good day today (Cit day 19). Slept pretty well last night, 5 hours (8 used to be normal). I was planning on going to my boat for the day but didn't feel too great first thing and was thinking I wouldn't bother. But, I felt like I'd be dissapointed if I didn't go so I pushed myself out of the door. Broke the drive (an hour) up by stopping for a coffee which really helped. Got a few jobs done, took things easy and had a new friend from NMP keeping me company by text which was really kind. Bit of a wobble at lunchtime, but got through the day without too much anxiety.

On the way back had to keep pulling off the motorway to deal with calls from the estate agent (trying to make some big life changes to escape my misery) which was stressful. Now I've got home and have a message about a future meeting from a book group that my lost friend invited me too join. It meant so much when she invited me and I used to enjoy going so much. Feel really uncomfortable about going now though. I also saw she was online and I'm all a bit shaky and feeling a bit anxious again and the chatterbox is banging on the door wanting to rule my thoughts

Chris

[SHYGIRLAJB]

Hi Chris,

Can't you go to that book group, when you are feeling better and in the right mind to go?? Try and calm down and take deep breathes or something.

Yeah I know im sorry, its easier said than done.

Sorry not really sure what else to say, apart from sending you big hugs.

Anita. XX.

[mrsworry]

HI was glad you were starting to feel a bit better shame you had a bit of a set back but sounds like you are doing really well try and keep going one small step at a time rome wasnt built in a day lol i know you will get there and hard as it is too lose a friend just think her loss too and maybe it wasnt meant to be because a true friend is loyal no matter what happens and would never turn their back on you when you needed them most

[mrsworry]

plus you got the new anxious people group to replace the book group !!!! see life has its pluses as well as minuses!!! ( sorry i cant spell .......)