Trying to hide it

[ElizabethJane]

I'm succumbing to depression. It has been creeping up these past few days. when I get to work I'm fine it is just the bits in between. My son rings the bells at Church and last night and listening to them and I'm thinking that I would like the bells at my ........ Feeling very morbid and believing that my thoughts are true then reminding my self that they aren't true only thoughts. Sometimes thoughts are self fulfilling and they become true. When I am at work I'm fine as there is a lot to do. I see my GP next week so hopefully she will be able to suggest something. Mornings are horrible I feel sick and want to cry. Music on the radio makes me cry. This morning it was the 'sugar plum fairy' I sure that others can relate?

[PanchoGoz]

Of course. I always feel like that at a certain time of the month. Today in fact, I can totally relate to what you are saying. Its cold and lonely where I am and I couldn't find my friends today, spoke to some horrid people, got on the bus home with that tearful feeling in my throat. And the worse thing...you feel like you will never get better. And the cold is making people feel rotten at the moment.
I have to tell myself "give it 5 days and I'lll be right as rain" and I usually am alot better by then. It doesn't last forever.
Do something positive this week to turn it around like giving someone a hug or giving something to charity. Hugs are best

[ditzygirl]

oh sweetie - i've been here more times than i care to remember. I always hate the run up to xmas too.

So Please please please don't think you are alone!!!!!

Instead of the radio put ur fav music on, do u take a good quality fish oil ? i find that really helps. Have a long chat with ur GP next week and disguss your options, maybe take some time and write down how you feel before you go - its always easier.

Until then, we are here for you anytime at allxx

[LADY BELLA]

Hi Elizabeth Jane

I am new to this site just registered tonight, but I can fully relate to mornings I hate them, I have just been away at the weekend with all the family and had no anxiety feelings at all, but as soon as I got back into our local town it all came back, mainly because there are certain people that have caused me to be like this again (so called friends etc) But I can fully understand how you feel, trying to explain to my husband is difficult and I know he gets fed up with it, but I can't help feeling like this, I too feel so much better at work I love my job and it takes my mind off things, I have 2 children and its very difficult at times to concentrate on looking after them and I get very cross and upset with myself for being like this, as I feel like I am losing out on there childhood. I would love to hear from anyone else who experiences this, I am having CBT but its only for 30 mins and I am finding it very difficult to do. looking forward to hearing from anyone, bear with me though as I dont understand how these sites work and I dont always have a lot of time to look at them.

[ElizabethJane]

Hi everyone and thankyou for being so kind. I don't have periods anymore but not menopausal so where does that leave me? I do a fair bit already for charity. I collect for Christian Aid and support local charities like 'Chess' support for the homeless in our town. We also have something called 'Angel Tree' which is where people buy presents for children in prison. I'm not being completely honest with those who don't know me as I have been very mentally ill in the past and of course fear that in the future and in the present. So it is a case of keeping myself well at the moment going to work and accepting that I'm in a bit of a muddle. I also have a fear that I will die young like my mum as I am fifty next year and I'm wondering what time I have left? Welcome Ladybella this is a very good site to get support and people will more or less tell as it is. I will try to reply to you in another thread. thanks Loopy and Ditzygirl. EJ.

[JaneC]

Hi EJ sorry to hear you are feeling like this. I haven't really been great for a few weeks but I feel a bit more like myself again. Hope it passes for you too. Keep us updated xx

[ElizabethJane]

Jane I'm sorry that you are feeling low. I always struggle at this time of year. I find it hard to admit to people that I am feeling bad. Mornings are the worst. I'm not sure who to tell at the moment but know something is wrong when I get morbid thoughts and can't sleep. Other things happen that I can't post on here so maybe I need to see Dr J my psychiatrist. I phoned his secretary today but she had gone home. I see him privately but it means hubs pays so I must justify a visit. I'll see what my GP says. There's so much darkness in my life apart from the good and sometimes the darkness wins especially when I am asleep. It is hard to admit bad times to medical people because it usually means more drugs. I hope tomorrow finds you feeling a little better Jane. EJ.

[u0000998]

Hi there

I am a long time sufferer of anxiety & depression - it goes away and comes back like a thunderbolt and knocks me sideways. I have seen your posts EJ and they given me inspiration in my darkest times.

You have been well for a long period of time and the most importantt thing to remember is that you will again. This is temporary and will pass - the hard part is believing it.........as I know only too well. Hour by hour - day by day....you will find peace again.

Regards

Joanne

[ElizabethJane]

Thanks Joannne I usually tell depression how it is. It is no good lying about it and I have much experience of it. I have decided to wait until I have seen my GP and then decide whether I need to go to see Dr J. I have spoken to his secretary today and told her that I am not feeling so good. My guess is that she will tell him I phoned. I can do this as I see him privately. I think that I am a bit like a cat at the moment as I go to sleep everywhere except in my own bed and then when I am finally asleep I don't want to get up in the morning. I have been less teary today so that is a good thing. I fear depression so much it really does remind me of the death eaters in Harry Potter just a big black mass killing everything in its wake. EJ.

[JT69]

Hi EJ,

I am sorry that I have only just picked up on your post....you have been so supportive to me during my stay on this site.

I am sorry that you are not feeling so good at the moment....depression just creeps up on us so fast...it is a horrible thing to suffer with and unless you do or have suffered you cannot begin to imagine what it feels like!!

Please know that you are not alone in this and that there are lots of us here for you and we genuinely care....I think it is easy to try and hide it and I know I do the same but this can only be for so long...we both know that.

I think you have at least put the right steps in place around seeing your GP and hopefully Dr J..I am sure he will be in touch.

I really hope that you feel better soon...you will...if you are not already now.

Thinking of you.

Jo.xx