3 steps forward 2 steps back? help me with some positive words?

[I_worry_2]

I should have said, "help me please" sorry if I sounded rude!

New around here, and though I wrote darn near a book in forum all about my anxiety, probably not many read it because it is so long. I don't blame ya.

Anyhow, I have been doing pretty good. Feeling better and better each day.

Today....... not so much.

there are several factors that could be bringing the anxiety back on, the main one being stress. I am on my own to take care of 4 kids, 1 under 2 years, and 1 under 1 year. Normally I have a bit of a break in the evening, but my hubby who usually covers me for some down time, is really sick. It has been go go go and do do do. Might I add, the 1 and a half year old has been screaming and whining at me while I try to get everything done.

So, last night after everyone was in bed, and the under 1 year old went home with his family, I took a shower and planned to go to bed early to get good rest. I had been worrying about a spot on my back last week and early this week. I managed to put those thoughts (mostly away) and I have even managed to not google about it anymore, or to look at it every hour. I haven't even looked at it in like 2 days...... which is BIG for me.
Well, last night after the shower I thought I would just take a quick peek and make sure it hadn't changed in anyway.
BIG MISTAKE!!!

I don't think it has changed, it didn't look like it..... BUT when I found the spot the first time I thought it looked kind odd. It had the very tiny tiniest little dark scab looking thing. Very small. I took a butter knife and gently scraped it. Suddenly the area all around, almost a perfect circle, became flaky and white, except for the scab. The scab didn't even come off. I wet the area, the white went away. I focused on this spot for days (thinking it is probably skin cancer) googled, which made it all worse. Finally I made a plan and started doing all kinds of things daily to try to combat my anxiety. One of those things was to "wait it out" telling myself that if it is something to worry about it probably would go through changes in a matter of weeks. I also started with breathing techniques (which I keep trying to do today) and morning affirmations, which I haven't had any quiet relaxing time for yet today.

Last night I looked at the spot, saw no change. BUT I decided to scrape at it again to see if it did what it did last time. AND it DID!! it looked like the skin was loose, like kind of like an old blister maybe, or pimple? I took a tweezer (bad idea) and grabbed the skin to see if I could pick it off.....
GOD WHATS WRONG WITH ME!?!?!
and I pulled off some of it. It bled a little. Now, go figure I have a sore that IS worse than it was before. Should I just wait and see how it heals?
The spot is not a mole. It is one of those sun spots (can't remember the name) like a freckle but bigger and not round. I have lots of them on my shoulders.
My hubby told me last week when I was focused on it that it looked no different in color than any of the other ones around it. He also said it was about the size of a pencil eraser, not larger. The tiny spot of dark scab (that won't come off) he said looks like an old black head to him or something.
I should mention that the thing that got me focused on it to begin with, was that fact that when I run my finger across it I can feel it. It in not hugely raised, it is not a huge spot at all (well at least it wasn't until last night)

Please help me. I am looking for hard, solid skin cancer facts. I am 34, I have never been a sunbather. I have been burned before in life, but not many times. Obviously I have sun damage. Do you have to go to a dermatologist to have something like this looked at? can a regular doc know if its an issue? I found a dermatologist about 2 hours from here that does free skin screenings? What happens during a a skin screening? should I drive out there? (I am uninsured) If it isn't a mole than even if it is something cancerous, it probably isn't something that is gonna kill me or be irreversible after christmas right?
UHG......
I need to calm down. I keep breathing, but because of all this last night I slept like garbage, and I know that doesn't help my anxiety.
I had such a great plan to deal with my over active mind.
So far it had been working, I know I just need to try to be patient with myself and start the whole process over. I knew that I would have fall backs.
I feel dizzy, no appetite, nauseated, impatient, frantic at moments, I physically feel turning in my stomach. I feel like I gotta pee every two seconds......... I feel shaky........ these are all anxiety symptoms aren't they?

One more question, skin cancer, can it make you lose weight in early stages? that's probably a stupid question. I need to stop freaking out.

Sorry everything I write here is like a flippin essay.

hoping someone can give me some reassurance, though I will admit I am afraid that by posting this I might be making myself worse.........


at least I still haven't googled. well.... I did about my dog, and guess what, she is probably dying. go figure. But I haven't googled about my own health concerns.

[I_worry_2]

btw..... my dog has dandruff, that's what I googled. My rational mind knows, the heats on, she is over due for a bath, "it's just dandruff"
but my anxiety is saying, (not that she will die) BUT
what if I gotta take her to a vet. It is so expensive, and it's so near christmas. : (
I hate google, I hate it, I hate it!!

[KayVee]

Your doctor will be immediately able to tell you whether the lesion on your back is skin cancer or not. Whether you believe him when he tells you it isn't is another thing entirely ... I'd suggest going to see him if it's bothering you that much.

[I_worry_2]

Thank u KayVee.
do you suppose it is safe, if I can get a grip on the anxiety. to wait until after the holidays?
not sure if this is something you feel comfortable answering or not.

I am so frustrated that I am letting the anxiety take a hold on me again today.
I have got to change my focus. think positive, choose how I want to feel.

[Geoff2301]

I really wouldn't worry........ moles are the ones that seem to cause the grief if anything is going to!! I must have loads of pimples, bumps etc on my back which my missus occassionally studies with interest....... other precancerous skin conditions are very slow growing and give you plenty of time for future action. Now leave the thing alone....... don't prod/poke or pick it..... give it a month to get back to how it was before you attacked it and if it still looks a bit odd, get your local doctor to have a quick look at it for you.

[I_worry_2]

GEOFF!!!! thank you so much.

so a month is probably fine to wait.
that's what I needed to hear. that and the other facts you've given me.
thank you so very very very very much!!!!

does this happen to the rest of you too? that you feel like your anxiety cycle is on the way out, and then a trigger comes, and BAMMO! against all your best efforts you find yourself reeling in negative thoughts and panic again?
I really do not like feeling like this.

thank you again for taking the time.

[chris_1982]

I have had Melanoma, it was a new mole that grew very quickly luckly I caught it in time, what you have sounds nothing like it so I wouldn't worry too much. I would however go for the skin check because then you can relax and forget about it completly knowing you have had an expert look at it. Also they will look at your skin in general and let you know if you have any potential future problems, which again is very unlikley but I would always be cautious with these things. Last point would be its best not to pick and scratch at these things as it only leads you to believe there has been change when there hasn't. Spots, moles, anything really bleed just like normal skin when you scratch at them.

Chris