Retired father christmas, own sleigh, freezer full of reindeer, seeks
women to jingle his bells through the winter.
Hobbies are sitting at the computer typing out wanted ads, crocheting tea cozies,
and making little origami figures in the shape of ex BBC newreaders.
Must have good sense of humour, a well thumbed book of the kama sutra and an IQ higher than their shoe size (negotiable)
Please send email address, photo, a cheque for £250, and a recent DNA test certificate.
If you can't meet the above requirements, proof of a pulse will be be enough.
Please write soon as my medication is being stopped after christmas.
Mick
x
PS: Trucker Jim, you are excluded from replying to this, and please stop
the late night phone calls.