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Thread: I think I have lost the plot

  1. #1

    I think I have lost the plot

    I joined here Xmas Eve as I have convinced myself I am having a breakdown (in fact the doctor I saw Xmas Eve said I probably was). I just feel absolutely panic stricken all the time. I woke up this morning, having managed somehow to get through Xmas day even though it was pure hell, feeling my stomach in knots, heart pounding, feelings of unreality and I just couldn't even face getting out of bed. I just want something to take away these feelings and even the Oxazepam my doctor has prescribed isn't even touching the panic. I feel so alone. I have been signed off of work for 2 weeks and already I'm dreading having to go back, and think I may never be able to, especially as getting out of bed at the moment is too difficult for me. I dread going to bed at night in case I don't sleep, I dread getting up in the morning, I can't think how I am going to manage to get through the day. I know deep down it's just anxiety and panic but I just can't calm down and think rationally. I just want to go to hospital and have someone take this pain away. And when I think about what I'm going through it hits my stomach and sends waves of fear through me. I'm probably one of the most experienced people in getting through panic having been this way since I was 13 and I'm now 43 but somehow this time has got me in a complete state. I think if the pills won't work, what do I do? I live on my own, and I have a boyfriend however he doesn't understand and I think I should just finish with him to stop the extra stress of having to pretend that I'm just a little bit under the weather and not in the depths of despair. Has anyone else felt this way? Will I get better? I'm so tired, I can't face food, I just want to die!!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    178

    Re: I think I have lost the plot

    morning, im so sorry you are feeling so bad, i can honestly say you have just described me! this is how i feel most days, the only difference is that i am not on meds as i am too scared to take them as i fear they will make my symtoms worse you mention the word dreading alot, i dread every single morning when i open my eyes i am scared of what the day holds for me! i dread going to bed too as i dont want to face tomorrow!
    so you are certainly not alone in these feelings, its a shame you are thinking of splitting with your partner though, i dont really know why i am so bad again at the moment, i was fine for a while then bam its back again! but i know i can beat this, as you can too because we have suffered a long time and done it before! i am 38 and suffered since i was 15.
    we just have to think positive and not let the panic win
    i hope you start to feel better very soon xxxx
    __________________
    hiding my emotion doesnt mean i dont have a feeling

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    1,260

    Re: I think I have lost the plot

    It will get better, I promise you. it's good you've found NMP. there's always someone here to help you. It's a bit quiet as it's christmas, but after christmas you will get lots of help on here. There's always the chat room too.
    Hope you start to feel better soon

    take care

    mick
    x
    __________________
    Never trust a man, who when left alone in a room with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on

  4. #4

    Re: I think I have lost the plot

    Thank you for your kind words. Life is so hard anyway without feeling this bad. I think Christmas just makes things feel worse - just knowing the doctor isn't available is enough to send me climbing the walls, even though I know he can't do much. My boyfriend has just asked me to go round to his place and I just want to curl up in bed and ignore him but I know I've got to try and get a grip. I would do anything for 5 minutes of peace from this constant anxiety. I really don't know how you manage your anxiety without medication. Before this recent relapse I was on 5 mg Oxazepam 2 x per day just to get to work and that seemed ok - now 10mg is not even helping, such is my anxiety. My mind is constantly searching for a way to stop feeling this way - so I'm thinking let me go to A&E, let me take an overdose - stupid thoughts cos I want to live!!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    1,260

    Re: I think I have lost the plot

    Just try and get through christmas. It's always a tough time when you're down. Go round to your boyfriends, try and take your mind off things.
    I've been off meds for months now and it's hard but it does get better.
    NHS Direct has been flooded with calls this christmas with people worrying about not being able to see their doctors.
    take care

    mick
    x
    __________________
    Never trust a man, who when left alone in a room with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    178

    Re: I think I have lost the plot

    it definitely is harder with Christmas pressures , i know its hard to push yourself to get up and do the every day things that most people find no worry at all, i really think you should try and go to your boyfriends, you never know it may do you good and help to take your mind of it a while, as i really think being on your own can make it worse if you are thinking bad thoughts.
    and they are just silly thoughts, its just the anxiety getting you down so much you get so desperately frustrated you cant see any way to cope, but we always do, so hope you dont let it beat you! i would get up and have a relaxing bath and see how you feel after, i have camomile tea every morning it really helps me in a morning. take care xxx
    __________________
    hiding my emotion doesnt mean i dont have a feeling

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    973

    Re: I think I have lost the plot

    Hi feeling bad. I can relate to all you said. You get to the point where nothing feels real and you worry it will never be normal again, it will though. Pls feel free to p.m. me if you want.

  8. #8

    Re: I think I have lost the plot

    Hi feeling bad,

    Know just how badly you`re feeling your panic. My anxiety has been almost unbearable these past 48 hrs. especially, although I`ve been ill for months.

    I`m 45 and have suffered several,what I term nervous breakdowns, which cause me GAD and panic attacks. This breakdown started about 7 mnths. ago and I became completely agoraphobic about 14 wks. ago. I couldn`t go out at all, unless I took some diazepam the G.P. prescribed......I was afraid I would become addicted, so came off of it 15 days ago as my doc said I could stop it abruptly as I had varied the doses and didn`t take it every day.

    Diazepam did calm me some, but I knew it wasn`t the answer and I am not really a one for meds for me personally. Anxiety has been hell most days since quitting the drug, but I am trying to just live in the moment today as panic attacks have all but `stolen` the past 2 days from me.

    With previous breakdowns, I just seemed to get better almost miraculously all by myself........I can be well for several years at a time, but.......it always returns. I now understand that the miracle time passing cure is never permanent........in order to stay well for good, I now believe I have to completely change my lifestyle, although this is most likely my worst breakdown ever, as I allowed the agoraphobia into the picture, although I have `forced` myself to quickly walk the dog 5 out of the 6 past days.

    I am to begin CBT early in the new year and a local mental health charity are coming to my house 2nd wk in Jan to draw up a plan to help me become well with their help.

    I am in much the same boat as yourself panic-wise just now, but I am trying to reinforce the fact in my mind that there is NOTHING to fear and that I am doing all this to myself. It is heart-breaking that we know this is actually self-inflicted, yet despite that knowledge we continue to suffer.

    So, let`s see if, one day at a time, we can try to live in the moment.

    littleacorns

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