Going through a MAJOR blip :-(

[Hereford Al]

Hi guys. Hope you are all OK and had a nice Christmas.

Things had been going rather well for me this year, up until about the start of October. Then I got into a bit of trouble at work (suspended for 2 weeks) and had to wait over a month and half for all the disciplinary stuff to be done with - Finally sorted, with no further action taken, on 14th December after being initially suspended on 28th October. This caused me a great deal of stress and I couldn't eat or sleep properly during this time.

Then a number of other issues (my best mate at work leaving for a new job, another piece of telling off from management, etc) combined and I have been in a hell of state since this time last week. I spent most of last Thursday and Friday in the office in a tearful mess.

I haven't had the constant feeling of anxiety and teariness like this for damn ages, and I feel so utterly utterly drained. Christmas was ruined, as I felt so ill that I couldn't eat anything, and am shattered yet I can't sleep because my mind is going 100mph all the time. I even took a Nytol tablet last night in the vain hope of some rest, but that didn't work either. So now I am just even more tired.

To top it all off, I think I may have a hernia or something as I felt something go "pop" on the left side of my groin a few weeks ago when I slipped on the ice. The pain has gotten quite bad (although I am not sure whether that is the anxiety causing it!) over the last few weeks, but I am terrified of going to the doctor incase it means that I have to have surgery and get signed off work - At a time when they already hate me (and are looking to make cuts) anyway!

I am on 40mg of Citalopram, and have been on that dose since increasing from 20mg in the summer after a small blip of a week or two caused by stress. Can I go any higher than 40mg or is it a case of the medication no lnger helping me and therefore time to ask for a change?

I really am terrified that I am going back to square one with the anxiety, and subsequent depression, because of all the crap that has happened recently. I can feel the big black clouds hanging over me constantly again.

Apologies in advance for being a miserable git :-(
Al

[katiebean]

Hi Al,

Sorry to hear about your blip. As I'm reading more posts, it seems like blips are very common at this time of year. I have been too over Christmas and not really able to celebrate, all our plans were cancelled due to me not feeling well either. I would go and talk to your GP, as i reckon it's difficult to say whether you need an increased dose at the moment. I am going to do this too tommorow, i feel like I need just a bit more to take the edge off.
In the mean time, I rely on some good old coping mechanisms to get me through:
Crosswords /Suduko
Computer games
Funny films
Reading this website!
I had very similar problems with my first job. In the end I decided that my health is far more important. I took some time off, retrained, and set up my own business. I love what I do now, and don't have to answer to anyone but me.
This blip will pass. Hang on in there.

[Hereford Al]

Thanks Katie :-)
I will pop to the Docs tomorrow for their "Drop in" hours.

This has to stop, because I can't face being ill for 12 months like I was last time.

[feelingbad]

Hi Al, I can totally relate. I'm also having a major blip, can't sleep, can't face food. Anxious with churning stomach and negative thoughts all the time. I've been signed off work for 2 weeks but worrying already about whether I will ever get back to work or if I will lose my job. My thoughts are whirring around constantly and I would give anything just to be able to switch off and relax for just half hour. I dread the mornings cos I just lie in bed with my heart racing feeling awful. Saw my doc last week who has increased my Clomipramine (which I have been on for about 15 years) to 30 mg and also increased my Oxazepam to help me through. I'v taken other anti-depressants but they never suited me so I stick to Clomipramine as it hasn't ever really given me any awful side effects.

I hope things get better for you really soon and that the doctor can sort out your medication to take the 'edge' off of the anxiety.