Scared of pregnancy and terrified of birth!

[NosilaB]

Tocophobia is likely to be a cause behind the requirement for fertility treatment. If you're body isn't ready or doesn't feel healthy enough it has a habit of rejecting pregnancy or terminating it by itself. The later is something to be thoughtful of.

My tocophobia is not the cause behind my need for fertility treatment!! Medical tests show it is because I do not ovulate. I have been told by my consultant that I have high fertility levels and all looks in working order apart from not ovulating, so the meds I'm on help me ovulate the way my body should do naturally! They see no reason why I should not become pregnant over the next few months. I have spoken to people at the Fertility Clinic about my tocophobia and nobody there has suggested that this phobia is medically preventing me from becoming pregnant.....

[NosilaB]

Hi Babywishing!

Thank you SOOO much for your lovely reply!

Yes, it's horrible and upsetting that this phobia is so misunderstood! And I'm not sure why?! However, saying that, people I know, like close friends and family are VERY understanding and supportive, which is fantastic! It makes all the difference in making you feel like you're perfectly 'normal' and not a complete 'weirdo' lol!!

Sometimes I have good days, and feel quite excited by it all, and sometimes I have bad days where I think "WHAT am I doing?!?!", luckily the good days usually outweigh the bad days - I'm sure it'll be a completely different story if/when I'm actually pregnant - then the real panic attacks will start I'm sure!

Yes, it's a strange phobia really, because it really does tear you in two! There is the biological desire to start a family (as with most women) but then there is the absolute fear and terror of the pregnancy/birth bit - but unfortunately with a phobia like this you actually have to try and face the fear head on to overcome it - which is where I'm at now - I'm really really scared and feel completely out of my depth but I so want to do this - I'll regret it if I don't, I know I will, and time is running out as I'm on my way to 40! It's not like a fear of flying (which I also have!) where you can just say "oh that's ok, I just won't fly anywhere", because chances are, you won't regret not flying as much as never trying for a baby - well, that's how I feel anyway, tocophobia is completely different because the biological desire doesn't go away, and like you, I feel I'm now ready to become a mum, and have pangs of jealousy when I hear of other pregnancies and births....I think "I want that to be me!".

You're certainly NOT alone there are lots of women out there who feel the same, it's just finding them, like I did with Peach. You say I'm an inspiration (thank you that's lovely, I hope I can be to you), and I felt the same with Peach, she is an amazing woman, and gave me SOOOO much hope that I too can get through this and have a very happy outcome....it's reading her posts that have got me to where I am now

It's very sad that so far you haven't found any treatments that work re your tocophobia. I've also had hypnotherapy, but that was more for my needle phobia, but I didn't really find it worked either. So I'm really hoping the CBT does! I'm pleased to hear that the holistic therapies are having some positive results though. I don't know what to suggest, other than just keep reading people's positive and encouraging stories on here. Have you got close friends and family that are supportive?

Yes, unfortunately we just have to try and ignore the harsh comments from people who don't understand - as you say, phobias are all different, but the fears, emotions and feeling they produce are the same, so regardless of the phobia, people should be understanding. I'm so glad you read Peach's story by the way

Am happy for you to PM me anytime, and thank you for your support, I really appreciate it