Scary week

[Coni]

Hi everyone,

I have such a scary week coming up and already I'm starting to feel jittery about it. I really dont want to be pathetic and pull out of anything but its so tempting although I know that would be running away and I need to try to be 'normal'.

Tomorrows mothers day and I lost my mum suddenly last july. I'm a bit scared to face this, have been avoiding looking at cards etc. Her birthday was last month and I really thought I would be ok but it was terrible....like grief just hit me like a train and I cried all day ( at work unfortunately). I was on medication when she died and feel her death never really touched me then but now it seems to hit out of the blue and I so dont want to be a blubbering wreck in front of my own children tomorrow as they want to make the day nice for me. I still feel so guilty cos I really pushed my mum away before she died cos I was having problems with depression and I so wish I could turn the clock back. I didnt even see her for 3 days before she died. I just took it for granted that she'd be there.

Monday I have a very scary meeting at work with some very scary people and I so dont want to go but there is no option. I will probably have to speak and feel sick just thinking about it.

I'm going to have to go to the dentist I think too as I think I may have an abscess. I'm terrified of the dentist and the last time I went I made a complete prat of myself and ended up in tears.

My boys are in a local youth group and they are having their awards/ display night on friday and I really feel sick at the thought of going and sitting for hours with all those people. Worse they pick parents to take part in activities and I just cant. I'm scared I'll burst into tears or make a complete fool of myself. I know this is totally irrational and I obviously cant tell the boys why I feel like this. I know I need to go and stop being such a selfish sod. I just hate things like this.

I'm not sleeping well anyway, cos work is hard just now and I so need to be in control. I was off for seven months last year through stress/ depression (this started before my mum died) and I cant go there again. I'm too ashamed of myself as it is for how I was then. I want to keep moving forward but feel as if i keep getting stuck and I know I'm doing it to myself. I'm almost completely off antidepressants.
I get so angry with myself. I'm so pathetic.

I've just had a lovely bunch of flowers delivered from my children for mothers day and now Im in tears again!!! Can someone give me a shake please.

Sorry I've gone on a bit. Dont know what I'm looking for really, I know I'm the only one who can do this.

Sorry

Coni

[andrew england 2]

many hugz for u coni, I wish u the all best in the coming week and after ur through it all it will have passed and u will have shed some tears for ur mom which is good and u will have felt the love of ur kids on mothers day which will make u shed some more tears except tears of happiness u will have sorted out ur abscess in ur mouth and those scary ppl wont be so scary anymore so all in all when the week passes u will have had a good week.

best wishes

good luck

thinking of u

andrew

[darkangel]

Hi Coni

Sometimes its good just to get everything out, even that can make us feel a bit better. My heart goes out to you as you have a very busy week ahead of you. Try not to think of it as a "scary week" I know its hard because you have so many things to get through.

It can be so tempting to pull out of things, I have done it many times, if you need to do this please don't feel guilty, remind yourself you are doing the best you can on that particular day.

Dentists: I am sure that most of the people who go are scared and it won't be the first time your dentist has had someone who has cried. Explain to your dentist you have a fear and I am sure he will try and make your visit as stress free as possible.

My daughter did highland dancing for years and there was always a show and award ceremony each year which I dreaded which went on all afternoon. I used to sit at the back at the end of a row. Take lots of water to drink, have rescue remedy with me and by focussing on what was happening managed to get through it. The joy on her face made all the pain worthwhile.

We can never feel ashamed for having anxiety or depression. It doesnt make us weaker people in fact I believe the opposite, we have so much courage and strength to face each day.

Rather than look at the whole week, break it down into events and deal with each one as it comes. You will be able to cope better if you are focussing on one thing and not worrying about what you have to do the next day.

I wish you well, Coni

Darkangel

........life is for living not just for surviving

[Karen]

Hi Coni

Sorry to hear you are having such a bad time at the moment. However, it is completely understandable that you are feeling emotional and finding things more of a struggle at this time. A lot of this sounds like it is due to grief and times like Mother's Day are bound to be difficult times. I find this difficult myself but for different reasons. My mum is alive and still around but has rejected me all my life and so I too am feeling rather low and struggling a bit this weekend.

It seems you have a number of worrying events coming up this week and at present they are all merging into one huge scary event which makes it so much more difficult to cope with.

I would suggest breaking these things down and getting through one at a time. Obviously the first one is tomorrow and it is natural to feel sad and tearful on such an occasion. There is nothing wrong with this and no reason to feel bad if you do shed a tear or two. Have a good cry if it helps as this will help release some of the tension.

Once tomorrow is over you may be able to feel a little more able to cope with the meeting on Monday. Do you do any relaxation? It can help to use a relaxation tape, or meditation or yoga etc and think of the meeting while feeling relaxed. In that way you can imagine going to the meeting and feeling calm about it. Practising in this way will positively reinforce thoughts that you will be able to cope. Anticipatory anxiety is often the worse part and the actual event is not as bad as when it comes to it.

Regarding the dentist, this is a common fear. It could help to explain to the dentist that you are feeling anxious and most are used to this and willl do what they can to help you feel more at ease.

As far as the awards event is concerned, you do not need to do anything you are not comfortable with. Is there someone there you could speak to and say you would prefer not to be called on to take part. You could sit at the back and know you could go outside for a few minutes if necessary.

None of these worries mean you are pathetic at all and we all have our own anxieties and fears. It is just a combination of a number of things all happening in such a short space of time. Tackle one thing at a time and all you can do is your best. No one can ask more than that.



Karen



Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey

[Coni]

Thanks Andrew, Darkangel and Karen,

Well thats today almost over and it was ok. My kids were lovely to me (even got a song played on the radio for me). I did have my thoughts about my mum, and shed some tears but I wasnt the uncontrollable wreck I thought I might be. I just feel so sad, I wish I could turn the clock back and make things right.

I'm trying to only think about one thing at a a time, but my feelings kind of run away with me, and it all becomes one big ball of fear. I dont even know what it is I'm frightened of...failure, making a fool of myself, not being good enough.

Work causes me lots of anxiety, its what started this all off last year, I felt as if I was drowning and completely losing control of everything. I was rubbish at my job, a rubbish mum, a rotten daughter (as you now know).

Now I'm back at work I'm terrified of failing again. I know its important for me to stay at work but I just dont know how to control these feelings. I cant leave because that would mean I had failed again and I couldnt bear that. And I've worked so hard to do this and now I cant. I cant ask for support at work, because my boss is not the most understanding, in fact I feel like I'm being 'tested' to see if I can hack it. The fact that I've been off with stress is seen as a weakness. So its one big pretence from the minute I go in till the minute I leave.

I wish I could lose this feeling of dread in my stomach and switch my mind off. I dont go out any more socially if I can help it, Thats why going to this awards night is worrying me already. And my hubbys just told me he has to work so I'll have to go on my own. I feel sick just thinking about it. I cant even take the dog for a walk. I dont trust anyone anymore, so-called friends have let me know how weak and pathetic I am and that just makes the shame worse.

I sometimes think I'm scared of people, how crazy is that?

I'm sorry...I know people are battling real serious problems and have been through much worse than I could ever imagine.

Thanks for your responses anyway and sorry for droning on.

Coni

[Piglet]

Coni,

Firstly a big hug mate

A great way to think really is to think no further than the day you're actually in and only about the appt or big thing for that day.

We all know that anticipatory anxiety is the worst and things are very rarely as bad when we get to them.

Love Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[Coni]

Hi everyone,

Thanks again for all your messages last week.

I managed to get through it and didnt totally disgrace myself. I was so tempted on Friday not to go to the awards night but I couldnt do that to the kids so I had to grit my teeth and go for it.

I have to say though I did sit at the very back near the door (actually right next to the door if I'm truthful!) so I could at least leave discreetly if I had to. But I didnt.

I know its not much but I'm a bit chuffed.

Thanks again

Coni X