Worried about how my anxiety is affecting others

[harasgenster]

Hi
Does anyone else feel worried a lot about how their problems are having knock-on effects on the people they know and work for and that that in turn makes the anxiety worse?

I feel really guilty a lot of the time about the burden I can be but also very nervous that I'll end up alone once people just can't take any more. This isn't a completely stupid fear as relationships have fallen apart in the past due to the difficulty people have with coping with me and my obsessive behaviour. Also friends have discreetly removed themselves from my life at times when I'm a bit of a handful then reappeared when I'm calmer and my best friend once even said she was just not going to talk to me until I was better! (although she did apologise a couple of weeks later).

I don't blame them for needing some space from me like that because it can get quite full on and intense and, particularly in the case of my boyfriend and best friend, I know the reason they need that space is often because they get so worried about me that they need to be able to look after themselves!

I don't want to be a worry to others and I don't want to chase people away with my fears. I can tell my boyfriend's finding it harder and harder to be patient with me. My anxiety affects him the most as he lives with me and I neither want to be such a concern nor chase him away. Of course, the more I worry about chasing him away, the more I want to tell him how much I love him, which becomes clingy, which eventually chases them away!

I'm sure a lot of people must get anxious about the way their worries and avoidances and obsessions start to affect others. How did you cope with it? I don't want to make myself worse by getting worried about it because that's hardly going to help!

[_Emma]

Oh gosh, u r basically describing me!!! I feel the exact same. I suffer from anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia (although I am now managing 2 get some places) anyway, I feel like a complete burden to my friends and family. I can't go to friends houses at the moment, or go out for drinks with them, so they always have 2 come and c me, which I feel bad for, becuase 1 of my best friends has 2 travel for 50 minutes 2 get 2 my house. Most of my friends come n visit me every few weeks, and at first I felt really let down that they didn't come round more often, but then I realised that they have there own lives 2 lead, and their own problems 2 deal with. I'm sitting about all day doing nothing, and have all the time in the world, but they have work, boyfriends, uni etc, so I'm trying not 2 feel let down anymore! Also, although I feel a burden, I'm trying 2 think of it like this... I'm not well, I didn't ask 2 be not well and there's nothing I can do about it. I am trying my best 2 get better and that's all I can do. True friends will realise this, and be there through the good and the bad.

I also sometimes get really upset for my mum and dad, as they have 2 live with me and deal with me every day, and I know that sometimes it gets really hard for them. I sometimes hear my mum up crying in the night and that just breaks my heart, but I have 2 keep thinking, it's not my fault I got ill, I'm trying my best 2 get better and that's all I can do. If I didn't think that, I'd go insane! I also try 2 give them space by going a walk or going up 2 my room. It makes sense that they will get upset from time 2 time, as they only want the best for their daughter, but of course it makes u feel bad from time 2 time.

Try and remember that u didn't ask 2 be ill, so it is not ur fault!!!!

[hanlo]

im crying as i read this . i suffering with health anxciety and basicaly everyday im dying of a different deadley diesaaese, my mum gets really upset with me that i turn aggresive on her for not caring and get really abuseive, and when ive calmed down i get that upset that i did that ,and think my mum was ill last year and she didnt worry eny of us now im worrying everyone becouse of this well mental disorder..i want it to stop i really do but i carnt..i carnt handle life when im like this and when i wake up i always find when im asleep its better for me and everyone i have a an appointment for CBT on tuesday but no theres like year waiting list i just dont no what too do....i carnt eat or sleep i find new things rong on my body everyday im tired of it now im loosing pateince
thanks for listning evan tho ive waffled

hopefully ill get better